Don’t Talk to Me

Too afraid
To be vulnerable
Laughed at
Viewed with flaws
Reduced to
Something smaller
Than the grand image
We see in the mirror

Who wouldn’t want
To appear awesome
His shit
All figured out
The ultimate idol
The envy of many

Or either we ask
The world
To mind its own
Fucking business
And for it to never
Give a fuck at all
Except to tread
Ever so softly

The façade
We all maintain
We make so great a fuss
With all our might
Futilely wishing
The respect and awe drugs
To perpetually remain
And keep us high and floating

Or that which
We have worked
For so long
Not letting anyone
Or anything
Not even ourselves
Destroy the
Old and familiar comfort

The scars we hide
Too afraid
That the other being
Before us
Will conjure
The ghost of the past
Out of our scars

Aversion of such
Is human
But to face them
Armed with all
The goodness
One’s heart can muster,
Is the virtue
Of the divine
Warrior god
That found
Its home within

The Curse of Blessings

The Curse of Blessings

What good is my art
if instead of
care and
vainglory and
come forth of which?

Is my quest
to be
intellectually extravagant
if my eyes
forsook looking up
and espoused the
delectability of looking down?

Is the by-product of
the disdain for
both ignorance
and the ignorant?

Shouldn’t it instead
beget forgiveness
and understanding
despite that
some people
are unforgiving
of your luminance
that improved
their blur
into shadows?

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Friday Eve

Float, float in space

Goes my gray matter

In the event horizon

It lingers

Round and round it goes

Hurled with

Great force

Sustained by a child’s ardor

Fueled by

Accretion of man’s

Animosity towards his fellow

Much more violent

Than the fury

Of the deities at Olympus

Or the wrath of a million nukes

Time warped

Like buckling steel

I could dodge a bullet

Fired inches before my temple

Oh for the black hole to suck me in

Before the lead

Find its mark

But then my eyes I’ll shut

And find that rest

While another black hole

Accelerates en route

Towards me

In blinding speed

Loving a Lady Writer/Blogger

photo from
  There are those who write just to sell
In their necks attached a choking bell
Demands acknowledgement wherever they be
Attention whores you can readily see
At face value they can fool a lot
Surface fun but depth has not
Truly it makes a fast food story
But ‘tis fleeting, cheap, full of vainglory
But seeing eyes one cannot fool
Wont ever get past through a hardened soul
Tested by fire from hell she emerged
Can tell the lies and the stink that lurks
Then there are that get stripped and naked
Of the lies the soul had long been burdened
The solid self once thought it was
Now lay in pieces and ripped apart
Battle hardened, a war vet, and territorial
Died and lived, reduced to essentials
Her scars she no longer hides
Wears them like armor such a lovely bride
As such you see a woman and not her face
Just her soul, heart, her core, and base
Only when you love her without the need for the tangible
There lies true love so few are able

Here goes nothing…

I haven’t done this in a long time now so instead of taking a day or two of polishing whatever I have written, I will just write instead without any regard to grammar or coherence. Let’s just fuck order in the mean time, shall we?


“You can’t be a car salesman” my design manager told me before. I never retorted in anger nor did I explain otherwise. We both knew he was right so I can’t help but agree. I can’t stand the BS that comes with trying to sell something (not saying that being a salesman is BS at its finest). I will approach a department store or a hardware if I am fully convinced myself that I need something. I won’t bother another soul into buying something because I don’t want it being done to me. A yes is supposed to be yes and a no is a no and no bullshit in between. I will buy anything i need and i don’t want anyone talking to me about it.

A former office-mate asked if she can schedule some time with me to let her talk about the insurance she is offering. Sorry I cant give up my lunch break, it’s my only time to rest I told her. That must’ve came off as very rude of me but I also don’t want to waste my time, and hers eventually, by saying yes and cursing at the back of my head while listening. Of course i wont shell out my precious treasury with any insurance. It is reserved for the family. So please, we can talk but please don’t waste my time selling me something I know I don’t need at the moment.


While writing relieves the pressure off of me much like releasing a valve in a pressure cooker, nothing else can unlock me the way music does. Specifically loud rock and roll music.

I used to go around saying music or playing music is now limited to playing the mp3 player or the stereo at home. My guitar is already retired after being broken for quite some time. My son’s ukulele just lost a tuning peg and I don’t have the resources to replace it anytime soon. Although i wish i can.

In as much as I don’t have the resources to buy another instrument, I have to be content with, well, nothing except for the stereo as I mentioned. And I am content with that.

Be that as it may, I cant deny that there is this loneliness that persistently tugs my suit asking me to pay attention. Yes I’m happy and contented with being quiet and the occasional high that comes from connecting with someone. Add to that the semi regular writing and scribbling to clear my mind and to understand myself better. But nothing can fill the gap left by not being able to play music.

I want to change that but I am at a loss on when and how to start. Aside from having no musical instrument, I don’t have potential band-mates. Yes, I want to play out loud in front of many people. I still haven’t forgotten how I’d want to be a vocalist or a lead guitarist and just play my heart out and get lost myself into music. I don’t know how will I be able to fulfill that fantasy. But that predicament and consequent loneliness already reached a point where I know I have to do something before the bottled up pressure within me implodes. I have to make a move, to do something to make it a reality instead of just a deep nagging feeling. It’s persistence is unbelievable that it is now pushing me off a cliff. Do something or die, I can hear it’s bellowing whispers.


Building connections is hard if not seemingly impossible for me at this point in time. I am not sure why all of a sudden I am in a hurry to make friends with everyone here in my new office when historically I wasn’t the type of person to be as such. Perhaps because I want to start something new and good the right way. And since i am the new guy in here, I have to let them know that I can get along everyone and anyone.

That, and another reason.

I have a crush on this beautiful pregnant lady. What attracted me most to her though is her apparent strong personality. A lady with a strong personality can be discerned from the way she carries herself. I can smell it as I have a penchant for iron ladies. So I told myself, instead of having this huge crush getting bottled up inside me dangerously, I’d just find a way to talk to her to diffuse the built-up pressure of attraction. Something like letting off steam and hopefully to get things over with.

So I messaged her asking if she’s into reading because I want to showcase to her that I write, and I wrote something which I hoped would get us connected. Something I hoped can possibly vibrate her strings and get us in resonance. That somewhere we can connect.

It took her more than a couple of days to respond. At first I thought she got offended or something so that worried me a lot. But then she responded thank goodness. I am not sure though if it’s obligatory in nature that she responded just to maybe “cut it short” but she did. She said she is more of a visual person. Ok, I told myself. I got a response from her, I did but it looked like I did get the response I wanted to receive. I gave her something, a part of me. I don’t know what she received.

I thought I could connect to her, build a connection even. But I guess it’s one of those failed expectations. What can I expect anyway. She may be halfway through her pregnancy for all I know. Like myself she have a lot to worry about and what I shared her isn’t even enough to scratch her curiosity and take a look.

Well what I can say more? I threw something at a black hole. Not entirely lost though I’m sure of that. Energy is neither destroyed nor created so says thermodynamics. It got sucked into a black hole alright. But what seems lost in this dimension might have found it’s way into another dimension. May not be in this reality Heidi. Maybe on some other universe. In there I had your full attention. In there I am laughing at your strength. Not making fun of you but amusedly viewing how good you look in your strength…


I don’t give a shit before if I am an unknown blogger or if anyone else knows I write at all. It worked for me. It worked wonders. I’ve written somewhere else and when people discovered me without my help, the admiration gets more authentic and more satisfying than when you ram it down people’s throats.

But now things are different. Not that I wanted to boast, I don’t think I even earned anything at all that’s worth boasting except for my family and the peace and calm that I experience every now and then. But denying something very important to you such as writing for me is already an obsolete way of life. In denying that I am a writer, I deny a large portion of my identity. I am a writer. That doesn’t mean every letter I write is worth something of monetary value. Far more than than. I write because my everyday survival for art depends on it. Writing and my soul are one.

Faith Healing – Healing Faith

Go. Your faith has made you whole.”

Mentioned a lot of times in the Bible

From the woman who had been bleeding for years, the 10 afflicted with leprosy, the blind old man since birth, the centurion who pleaded for his soldier, to a whole lot more. What do they have in common aside from having their prayers answered?

They backed their supplications with faith. Not only did they ask and hope for the things they wanted to have/achieve, but they believed that Whoever (God, Universe…) they were invoking at is capable of granting them what they want.

I’d like to point out the case of the woman who had been bleeding for years. She had gone to physicians whom she hoped can heal her but to no avail. Perhaps out of desperation, she told herself that if only she can touch the hem of the garment of Jesus Christ, she will be healed. In which she did, and the rest is history. It wasn’t mentioned in the scriptures what her other circumstances were but I’d like to point out how she achieved healing which she had been hoping for so long, even before she had the chance to speak to Jesus. It was as if her wish was granted just because she believed. In believing, she was able to draw the power of God and have her healed.

In case you think you can treat God as a lucky charm and go around saying you believe in order to get anything you want, then you’re in for a disappointment. God has a way of looking into the heart, into the motives behind. Which makes nature hard wired, fool and idiot proof. So no, we can’t fool God, nor mother nature, and not even electrons. Remember the double slit method that still puzzles physicists today? Yep, strange stuff it is. It defies our expectations which makes the full comprehension and predictability of which remote – at least for now.

It’s a two way street. We can ask but we must believe that we will have them. And that we should work for it to let God know that we REALLY want it. Seldom does God blesses man’s half-assed efforts. But He blesses the man who is resolutely pursuing his dreams with all the efforts he can muster.

If you’re not into God and you believe in the law of attraction or the muse or even quantum physics and mysticism, the process isn’t pretty much different. Believe in it, work for it, achieve it. Do you not recognize the resemblance?

We ask and believe, then God acts.

The first step to healing and having therefore is believing.

Let there be light – and there were boobs


I was bound for home on a Friday the 13th. It was already early evening and the lights are out so it’s dark at the back of the UV express where I sat. 

Across myself was a lady. While darkness blurs my vision of her, I noticed she was carrying her bag on her lap which left only her face to be scrutinized and admired. I can still figure out her mysterious eyes and the shape of her face despite the darkness. ‘Not bad’ I told myself. 

I sat there for about an hour during the commute not really paying attention at her except for occasional glances. Besides, I’m busy watching the fighting scenes of John Wick 3 on my phone. 

Near the end of our trip, the light at the back of the van suddenly became alive thus illuminating everything. 

What I saw deserved a jaw drop. 

I saw her face. Indeed she has a prettier than normal face. But more than that, I saw her big bumpers struggling to get out of her breast had it not been for her tightfitting shirt which further accentuated her lovely lumps. 

To hell with John Wick. The main attraction became an excuse for me to cast frequent glances at her ‘glory.’ ‘Twas just disappointing that the mouthwatering show lasted only a little less than 2 minutes as she unboarded the fx. 

If only the damn lights turned on a lot earlier! 


miss misery

I was finding ways to escape my loneliness and emptiness. I thought I already escaped all doubts and uncertainties which should eliminate misery once and for all, first when I got transferred to another department in my previous company, and eventually landing a job in a new company. But that wasn’t the case.

Misery had been pounding the door hard. I thought she’d be gone when I change environment. It seemed so at first. Although it may be that I was just too busy shaking misery off that I didn’t hear her for quite some time.

But there she was. With her sustained vigor she keeps on pounding the door with the full regalia of a demolition team. With her persistence, she’s reminding me that she’s not going anywhere, anytime soon.

Like I did before, she wants me to fuck her hard once more. She’s so addicted to me that she wants me to ravage her yet again ‘till she passes out.

Scarce Tissue

scarce tissue

In my previous company, tissue was virtually unlimited. If you’re out of which, you can just ask utility to hand you a new pack.

Now in a new company, tissues are still free albeit with corresponding restrictions: the tissue is now issued per department instead of per person. If you’re a commoner and you’re out of tissue, it’s a too inconvenient to resupply the gang since only a selected few have direct access with whoever is supplying them. And it’d be more convenient to use paper than to walk 10 paces to get 1 sheet (it’s a department supply not individual, remember?)

Just like the Israelites after being out of Egypt for quite some time, I sure did grumble to some extent. But you see, these, among others are byproducts of changes that I’ve dreaded long before I left my previous company.  It hit me hard, it still does years later but her persistence didn’t dwindle a bit.

Adopt or die.

So instead of attaching labels that fuel discontentment, I decided I’d opt for less experience, less wanting, therefore less evil.

Scarce tissue? Because of that scarcity I’ve learned to reduce the mess that require some tissues to clean. Not only me, this taught us as a department a lot about conservation.

Despite that there’s a lone pack of tissue for 30 people, amazingly it lasts a lot longer than expected. Maybe we’re too timid to consume it the way you’d devour popcorn. Despite that we’re like dirt poor, the lesson you get in return, however, is priceless.

Less mess. You become more deliberate with orderliness and cleanliness so as not to deplete your limited resources.

You appreciate something more when you know it’s not limited. It teaches you to use them sparingly and wisely.

You treat it with respect.


goddess of balance

Do you know why you are feeling miserable and lost? Because you are holding on to an outdated, fucked up definition of things. Labels and expectations are everything but stays true to your own set of definitions forever, in case you still haven’t figured it out.

While you can’t change the world for it to strictly adhere to your own rules, you can however change the way you look at the world. A new perspective for an ever evolving world or a defensive mechanism if you will.

It’s time to define things again. The good news is that you don’t have to kill yourself to conform with worldly definitions. You just need to be more understanding and more aggressive in finding your balance once more.

As you have seen, old definitions don’t work anymore.

The goddess of balance already shifted.

She is bored of staying in bed. Her back and pussy is already swollen lying in bed and getting fucked relentlessly.

Now she’s out of the bedroom. No more fucking just yet. She wants to play hide and seek. Go find her. And when you do, well, you’ll know what to do…

Agas ti Masakit a Lakay

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of 'man flu', he'll need a 24 hour sports channel, beer and pizza!"

(Reliving old stories with fellow campus paper writer chums.)

Adda maysa a lakay nga masakit ken agkakapsut. Iti abay ti katre a pagid-iddaan na ket isu met ti ayan ti bantay na.

“Anyat kayat mu,” intuud diay kadwa ti masakit, “linugaw?”

“Haaaaaannnn” agkakapuy nga kuna tay masakit.





Ta ukin inana daytoyen awan man la ti napatangakun, kuna tay agbanbantay iti un-uneg na. “Ket anya ngad kayat mo, UKI?!” kinuna na nga makasurun.

Tarin bangunen tay sii-idda nga masakit sa dimmadakkel ti matmata na nga nangdamag —


It’s Not You, It’s – Your Thoughts

The thoughts change but not you.

Let go the passing thoughts and hold on to the unchanging self.”

Sri Ramana Maharshi, Talk 524


Powerful words.

How have I ever forgotten the very essence of this blog?! The thoughts responsible for the birth of a smorgasbord of written accounts here in this cosmos broadcasting medium is not the whole of the story.

Despite the chaos on the outside there is one unmoved by all the ruckus.

Someone else is in control.

It is the one whom these thoughts get projected onto. The one who remains unadulterated even with all the omnifarious thoughts it conceived.

The one you can only see when your eyes are closed.

Gold Reserve

fort knox
photo from

In my previous office, we used to coin taking a dump into “banking” or “magbaba-bangko” referring to a visit to the bank to “deposit”.

One morning at work, nature called and demanded that I go “banking”. After cleaning up my mess a few minutes later, a familiar voice called me while I’m inside the elevator.

“Where were you earlier sir? You were supposed to meet the newly hired” the principal BIM modeler said as I turned to look at her.

“Sorry. I needed to go to Banconidoro.”


Credit goes to the rightful owner of the artem and photo

It had been almost two decades since I made my own artem, Iloko term for a dipping concoction of chili pepper, vinegar and garlic. An Ilocano dish including the simplest fried fish and whatnot isn’t complete without the distinctive sting brought about by this macho condiment.

It’s relatively easy to make your own artem. And it costs cheap provided that chili peppers don’t cost a fortune. Its ingredients include:

  1. Vinegar. Beware of vinegars with synthetic acetic acid. Aside from that any vinegar you’ld want to use is just as good.
  2. Crushed garlic
  3. Red hot chili peppers. Small green ones are just as good. My preference is the “sili t’ sairo” or the commonly called “siling labuyo.” They’re small but they are packed with a lot of punch so don’t be fooled by their size
  4. Salt. Always opt for rock salt. Always.

After gathering all the required ingredients, all you have to do is:

  • Put the garlic first inside an empty bottle. Use glass and never use plastic bottles
  • Put the chili peppers inside. Chopped or not, it’s up to you
  • Pour the vinegar and add salt. It should be saltier than the usual. Aside from vinegar, salt acts like a natural preservative.

For best results, use after a week so that the chili peppers get totally blended with the vinegar.

There you go. Enjoy the delicious sting and the meal.



Damas y caballeros: Dumbleman

Aside from chocolate balls drowned in white cream, inside every Kinder Joy also comes along a variety of toys. One toy in particular I named Dumbleman while trying to suppress a guffaw.

One afternoon, my eldest throws Dumbleman in the air in front of his mother while shouting its name.

“What?! What do you call your toy?”

Dumbleman” I answered in behalf of the kid. “It’s a relative of Nengnengman.”

And we both laughed after that. Now, the mere presence of the toy and the instance that me and my wife’s stares meet becomes a quick comic relief.




** If the meaning of Dumbleman and Nengnengman is obscure to you, ask a true-blue Ilocano.

Behind an Angry Woman is a Clueless Man*

One night, me and wife arrived late and our kids were already tucked in bed. After getting ready to bed ahead of my wife, I already lied down in a way opposite to those of my sons where I get to see their feet. Wife, upon getting inside the kulambo (mosquito net) told me to “correct” my sleeping position.

Too tired to move I told her “no let’s stay this way.”

This made her mad and she started accusing me of asserting my authority and dominance instead of simply following the “order”. I was confused and dumbfounded by her outburst. I thought maybe, she’s either pranking me or she’s just not making any sense at all. It’d be very remote to be the latter so I decided that it must be the former.

And so I told her I’m not being authoritarian by just letting my whims dictate what I want done. “Can’t it be that it’s just a plain choice of how am I going to sleep?”

I sensed she’s dead serious (read: angry) which tickled my senses all the more while I’m still confused by her reaction. I followed up with a question: what did I just say that made you that pissed? Do tell me, for truly behind an angry woman is a clueless man.

I laughed viciously and while at it wife unleashed her beast mode by letting her nails sink in my skin while pounding me with her fist. It’s one of those rare moments that I won an argument with her and it’s insanely delicious seeing her reaction.

Thankfully she finally came to her senses. I’m still confused, however. What on earth did I just say that made her THAT pissed? Whatever the reasons though, whenever the memory of which pops up it’s still funny as hell.



* Saw this text in a meme in Facebook. Credit goes to the source, whatever page that is.

Einstein’s Nightmare – The Secrets of Quantum Physics by Dr. Jim Al-Khalili

I’ve already read hordes upon hordes of literature regarding quantum theory for beginners but this is hands down the most comprehensive introductory video I’ve ever seen so far!

Hats off to Dr. Jim Al-Khalili for this video. His walkthrough from the humble beginnings starting from the light bulb, up to the epic battle of the minds of Niels Bohr and Albert Einstein and its bizarre conclusion is a solid foundation for quantum theory junkies like myself.

Turns out, we cant screw mother nature or if you believe in God then it’s God. And the thought that reality that we know might not be real at all is mind boggling.

Enough words, go devour the video.

Blinded by Third Eye Blind

Di ko naman to in-associate sa kahit kaninong babae ng nakaraan o kasalukuyan pero ewan ko bakit napaka-poignant nito para sakin and it hits me home.

It brings out a hell lot of emotions.

Punung-puno ito ng angst kaya kapag naririnig at kinakanta ko ito e para akong bumabalik ng kabataan ko. Pakiramdam ko kapag naririnig ko ito e parang may pag-asa parin akong maging rock star. Na sana e makanta ko ito kasama ng isang banda.

Today Is The Day I Decided I’m Done

Today I decided I’m done here in my current work place that I’m going to leave for somewhere better. Somewhere not necessarily easier but a place where I can work in peace and not threatened by politics and where I can focus on improving my skillset.

Today I decided I’m done waking up in the morning dreading the grueling day ahead.

Today I decided I’m done worrying about Mondays while at home during the weekends.

Today I decided I’m done with the wrong reasons of leaving. Now I don’t anymore harbor resentment to people here in the office specifically the higher ups that run the department.

Today I decided I’m done done stressing myself out too much of work that poses danger to my health and my quality time with myself and my family. While it contributes to my learning, it also contributes to things that have the potential to harm me in the long run.

Today I decided I’m done proving myself to people who don’t have any concern on my well being. I’m done being treated as a mere object to accomplish the goals of the team.

Today I decided I’m done living a shitty working life. I am not afraid of hard work provided I’m in an environment that fosters my health and growth.

Today I decided I’m done worrying about people who will label me as weak for not standing my ground through these onslaughts. I value myself more that anyone else’s opinion.

Today I decided I’m done. That’s why I am now taking action. And when God blesses my efforts and approves of my plan, nothing and no one can stop me from claiming what will make me a better man.

Drug War (Ang Kwentong Ayaw Pakinggan)

drug war
photo taken from

Nakatakda ang aming operasyon

Isang maulan na dapit hapon

Langit ay lubos ang pagtangis

Puno ng dalamhati at paghihinagpis


Sukbit ko ang aking quarenta y sinco

Kasama ang granada, mga bala at radyo

Handa at naga-abang ang aking hintuturo

Sa gatilyo ng M14 na tangan tangan ko


“Isang raid ang isasagawa natin

Sa isang bayan dito sa San Fermin

Pinamugaran ng mga adik at halang ang bituka,

At doon ang droga walang pakundangang binebenta


Mapanganib ang ating kakaharapin

Subalit kailangang tupdin ang sinumpaang tungkulin

Mga kabataan ay dapat sagipin

Sa salot na droga sila’y marapat na palayain


Bago tayo humayo tayo munang manalangin:

Dios Ama kami po ay iyong dinggin

Sa pagtupad ng aming mandato kami po ay patnubayan

At ilayo sa panganib at tiyak na kamatayan.”


Siyang panalangin na inusal ng aming commander

Habang ihinahanda ang bullet proof vest at arrest order

At kami na’y tumulak upang isakatuparan ang misyon

Ang pagdakip sa mga pusher at mga taong lulong


Patintero kay kamatayan, sa hukay lubog ang tuhod

Sa target area habang maingat naming sinusuyod

“Pulis to, walang gagalaw ng masama!” ang aming bulyaw

Upang mangibabaw sa mga putok at alingawngaw.


Dura lex, sed lex: isang babala

Kailangan umiral ang katwiran at hustisya

Nang pangarap ng kabataan di na malibing sa hukay

Masaganang kinabukasan at magandang buhay


Habang ako’y humihinga ay di ko lulubayan

Pagpuksa sa drogang salot ng lipunan

Sa ngalan ng katarungan sampu ng aking mga kasamahan

Patuloy na susuungin ang digmaang nasimulan.


Para sa kinabukasan ng mga anak ko

Di kayo makakawala mga putang ina nyo!

Kung sa kulungan di kayo mangagsibulok

Manlaban at bala ko ang yong masisinghot!

Money for Nothing

One of the most wicked riffs that rocks the old and the young alike.

This version is the unedited version of this song. I like more what’s expressed in the original version. Raw, wicked, crass it may seem, unadulterated from society’s demands to please everyone and to tread softly.

If you’re offended that the lyrics is explicit, then I’m not going to apologize. I’d just advise you to close this page and move on.

But if you’re one rock junkie like me, This will get you headbanging in no time. Enjoy.

“What’s Up?”

This just doesn’t get old. I love how the lyrics still bring back memories from my childhood when I just can’t help but feel good no matter how shitty the situation I am currently in.

What’s unsurprising is that it still rings a bell despite my being a decade older than when the singer/songwriter sang/wrote it.

That’s still me asking “what’s (fuckin’) going on?!” and that still the old me chanting the emotionally drugged incantation “hey yeah yeaaaaaahhh”.

What’s going on? I don’t give a damn so long as anyone hands me a fucking beer!!

What’s up? Mine still is, still no problem with that 😀


Silicon Valley

Born and raised in a valley 

Grew up loving that alley; 

And when one I see 

There should my face dug be. 

Peeping just enough to say hi 

Can’t take my eyes off as they say bye; 

There my tongue shall fondle 

Won’t stop ‘til they wobble. 

Twin peaks soaked in the rain 

Bitesize tenders not soaked in vain; 

And then I will go south 

To ravage that wet mouth…

Source of Hope

What keeps me going these tough days?

  1. God who gives me strength on an daily basis, for without whom I wouldn’t have had the strength to bear the drudgery of being with the people in the office;
  2. The thought that I have a choice to leave my miseries (circumstances and people) behind in search of a better working place;

Vacation Leaves

Before my previous department went downhill, I didn’t file a lot of vacation leaves. It’s not because i don’t have the benefits of which but rather, I didn’t feel the need to. Except of course for several important family matters. But to keep myself sane from tons and tons of work, I felt I can manage without resorting to paid leaves.

More often than not, I didn’t want to take a day off because I don’t want to miss a day in my job because I loved what I was doing despite the stress (which is I would say is but a normal and healthy dose of stress because I don’t have to worry about not having the backing of the whole team, including my expat boss.) I want to always be a part of the team effort that we put into projects to make them something we’re going to be proud of. Looking forward with nostalgia to the days that we used the word ‘we’ with surging pride.

But now that I got transferred to a new department, it’s a completely different story.

I started treasuring days that I’m not at work. I started looking forward to them that I now bothered looking at the calendar and schedule leaves a day before or after legal holidays.

What I thought before as idle hours that would bore the hell out of me, became a balm, a much needed respite to keep my sanity intact. They kept me recharged enough for me to keep looking forward to another working day with the ball and chain, with the people that drain every ounce of enthusiasm I have whenever I’m with them, bosses and teammates alike.

A long holiday is coming and I already filed a vacation leave a day before. And to be frank, as early as now I’m earnestly looking forward again to the next one.

Pray More When You’re “Happy” Than When You’re In Adversary

When going through rough times, we often ask God to stay by our sides while we feel our way in the dark, and oftentimes asking Him to lead the way. During these times that the red light is blaring, our senses are in full alert scrutinizing the slightest stimuli that pops our way, carefully stereotyping them as either friend or foe.

The same with an essential facility on red alert status because of an impending terrorist attack. The said vital installation will have a better chance of mitigating damages if not totally thwarting them.

But when you feel that all things are rainbows and sunshine, you have the illusion that all will be well all throughout, that you can’t go wrong, and that your chances of stumbling is likened to the chances of a cobbler decoding how light particle transitions to wave and vice versa. Especially when we’re blinded by pride the way that a coin blocks our entire view of the star-studded night sky.

It’s in these instances that we should heed cautiously, occasionally stopping dead in our tracks to consider things carefully. It’s in these circumstances that we should fervently pray for God’s guidance. For enlightenment.

And to pray for deliverance – from ourselves. From our shortsightedness.

Boss vs Leader Conundrum, Finding the Right Fit For An Employee & My Frustrations In The Office Which is Why I Shared It Here

I can’t think of a better title so let’s live with it, shall we?

After all the message is the main event. The words are so poignant that it encapsulated something I’ve been drooling at for a long time after I got transferred to another team. This is because I got to experience working with “leaders” these past 6 years.

But now things became a nightmare. I’d say the cringing dwindled over time but the damage is done and I have a hard time just brushing it off like nothing happened.

Oh well, I think I’d just wait and hope for the sunrise. For now, a little light is enough.

This one, I cropped from my LinkedIn account. I hope we can all learn from this.

boss vs leader

My Reality Here And Now

This, now officially marks the end of making excuses, of being distracted by the “pompous” and “sadistic” behavior of both colleagues and bosses that results in my impediment to do my best.

This, now marks the recognition on the competition of domination between your current and improved self, and that this competition does not involve anyone or anything outside of yourself.

This, now marks God’s response to the thought that once perplexed me and left me longing to go back to my previous team. Right here is God’s definite answer: bloom where you’re planted because there is no way you can turn back now.

It’s time to give other people a chance, the way God gave me a second, third, and fourth life, day in and day out. The same way that other people gave me a chance to change and be better.


Today I heard the message loud and clear:

These are my current circumstances and my reality;

I don’t need to have another reality before I can live fully, I just need to be creative to make the most out of which;

These changes at work are not the consequences of what I did wrong in the past;

These changes are blessings because it means I now have time to upgrade and be better. Make no mistake about it;

This is my bread and butter that I must protect because this is not something easily replaceable given my current circumstances. I am responsible enough to include my family in my decisions regarding work;

This is another level I need to transcend to grow up and be better equipped as a professional.


Your action plan now becomes –

Own your actions.

Own your circumstances.

Own your mistakes.

Own your right to get back up to do it again, but this time correctly and better than anyone expected.

Own yourself for who you are and the value that you can contribute the team.

Where you are is your home. Wherever that is, leave an indelible proof of your exemplary performance.

IT Girl

computer girl.jpg

An enigma I’d wish to decode

Your algorithm intricate as your soul

Sends me rummaging for meaning in the depth of the oceans

That look in your eyes of convoluted circuitry

An exotic intelligence yet untapped and unfathomed

A digital fortress I set to decipher

If it takes ages I will never bother

And the fabric that keeps you in bondage

Hades I’d damn to unravel

Strip Tease

kris tiffany janson

Like a rabid dog I can’t help drooling at a local commercial of Myra 300E specifically the scene where the shoulder bag of the model slid down her shoulders and her lady companion remarked:

Ang kinis” (so smooth)

And to which the model replied

Braso pa lang yan…” (that’s just my arms)


Braso pa lang yan. Pano nalang yung ano ko…” (That’s just my arms. Wait ‘til you see my…)



(Credit goes to whoever owns these photos especially the first one!)

Ang init!!!

photo from

Shit sobrang init!!!

Borrowing Kamikazee’s line, that’s what I was screaming off while in a queue in Cubao. ‘Twas an arid eve as I took off my long sleeve and used it to swat myself. Summer has begun and likewise with my efforts to write poetry. I hope both will do me justice.


Ang Init!!!


Heaven’s flood gates opened

My entire temple drenched in the ocean

Elsewhere furiously welled to the surface

Its turbulence engulfed me in an instant

The island I thought I can be

Became Atlantis succumbed to the sea

It’s Time to Quit(?)


It’s a dilemma alright for me and a lot of people. It’s not something you just sleep overnight with and figured out right in the morrow. I don’t want to come to the point of sacrificing my health for a bunch of work items that instead of getting cut, keeps on piling up.

I might have quit a long time before but I didn’t for various reasons. And to survive, what I do is detach myself from myself and be on autopilot so that I can momentarily get away from the situation and assess the tumult that I am in.

And I don’t normally share fellow writer’s post but this is too real, too on point not to share.

Memorable take away’s from the article:

1. it’s one thing to create, it’s another thing to keep on doing it

2. some things have to end, even the ones giving you 6 figures yearly (for the author’s experience that is

3. putting an end to something you’ve been doing for a while will liberate you

So here it is. His post cannot be shared but do be patient enough to click and read if it hits you all in the right places:

When You Know It’s Time to Quit Something (And Why I Decided to Kill My Conference) by Jeff Goins


(Again trying to deny my being pissed off at work by drowning it with poetry instead. Try as I did, the negativity might have leaked nonetheless.

I just happened to come across the word depersonalization. Damn, how on earth have I not known this word for more than 3 eons!)


Parched lips wetted by scotch
Begets life onto my crotch
So full yet there’s not much
Her naked body out of my touch
My curse I tightly clutch
On her itch that I may scratch
A reality I can’t up a notch
My eve’s providence consumed at lunch.


Believe it or not I’m still here in the office, struggling to stay awake for the bunch of calculations and drawings that we have to do for some people down there.

It had been a grueling week, but grueling is an understatement. Try total annihilation.

It’s one thing getting stressed with what you do. But when rest is denied of you because of stuff you need to do, you will begin to wonder why on earth are you in the hell that you are now.

That’s me asking.

I even asked God whether he wants me to unlearn everything in my previous work experience and become an apprentice once more. What a humiliating experience indeed. I thought I already understood a lot of things but when I got here it’s like everyone’s telling me I don’t know shit.

Being shaken to my core, I am now starting to question if this is still worth it. I don’t mean to give up that easy although it is now starting to look enticing to me.

Is it? Hell I don’t know. For my kids yes, it does. For my health hell no.

Lord open my eyes that I might see.

Late Night Poetry

I was trying to be poetic while inside the UV Express one late night on my way home. I was starting to detest things and people particularly at work and it was compounded by my weariness. So before it came to that, I tried to be my romantic self instead.


Carbon monoxide, odorless, you thought was gone,

It’s seeming absence fools: there is no more harm,

Like now you’re gone I thought that was it,

Sly as the devil still potent as shit!

When It’s Good to Die Young

I can’t grow up and get old if I don’t die young.

To be able to live forever or to live for many years at least, appeals to a lot of people including myself. Who wouldn’t want to in the first place? You get to experience life’s triumphs for a long long time and you might be able to correct your mistakes in the past such that good old conscience won’t hurt that much.

Staying young however doesn’t appeal much to me. When I was young, I had no voice, no rights whatsoever. I hated how hormones during puberty got the best of me when I had no choice (or so it seemed) but to let them take over. The frequent visit of depression and my failure to understand and appreciate my introversion (and the power that lies in being quiet) were the main villains of my nauseating roller-coaster ride.

If I’d be asked to go back in time to experience my youth again, I might as well say pass with much gusto. Those were dangerous times for me, when I was stupid, uninformed and too afraid to live like a greenhorn US marine in ‘Nam during the 70s.

I’d rather be older and wiser. Letting go of youth is rather a good riddance for me than parting with a good old friend in tears. It took me forever waiting to die young in order to get old fast and be the wiser version of myself. Of course there is still a lot to learn and I am not saying that I am now a complete person now that I’m older. I just don’t want to stay young petrified with life’s confounding interrogations on why the heck am I still on my feet and breathing. I wanted to grow up and to get old and wiser. Sure I still get dumbfounded at times though I’ve grown numb enough to smirk instead of cowering in fear.

If only I can retain a part of my youth now that I’m all grown up it’d be strength. But yeah I can only wish.


One thing in my bucket list is to be able to write lyrics of a rock song. How great can that be when the vocalist or even myself can play my own composed song – riff, vocals and all?!

Also, I believe that a creative mind needs some random ramblings to create something. Not a hit or miss thing if this’d go viral or what. Just rambling anything just for the sake of it because it liberates you from the mundane, and allows you to be you. I hope I wont be poetically bankrupt anymore.

So here it is, a random rambling from my random mind when this was penned:


Sa dulo ng tambutso
Ang syang ligaya ko
Palaging kargado
At ubo ng ubo
Ayoko ng magsolo
Sawa na ako
Ayaw nang mabobo
At di na pagagago!

Thank you for the music, Pepe

Finally a post for the one and only Pepe Smith. I saw you first and last during the 2016 Muziklaban Festival. Damn man, Nothing can describe the feeling of meeting a legend like you.

pepe smith
you will be missed, man!

The rock and roll you left us will surely flourish.

God bless man and thank you for the wicked music, \ml/!!!

Tabi Ng Bulkan – Razorback

Started with a wicked riff and now I’m hooked.

I am still reeling when one of the pillars of Pinoy rock, Pepe Smith of Juan dela Cruz band was finally told by the Almighty to take a rest for good. Likewise for Brian Velasco who even aired live his last bid to make sense of his life as he plummeted to his death. This is to pay homage to Pepe and Brian, and the other Pinoy rock bands who continue to make rock and metal music despite that majority of the populace already succumbed to K(ulangot) Pop and pop in general.

taken from where it came from

But bands like Pepe’s and the one featured above – Razorback refused to die into oblivion. There will always be ambassadors of rock, and I myself is one of them. It doesn’t need that you have a band yourself. All it takes is a promotion (even here in my little known page) and a lifestyle of rock and roll.

Mabuhay kayo Razorback! Mabuhay ang Pinoy Rock!!!


Laments of a Poetically Bankrupt Man

Math molded me to be precise

Needs a language succinct and concise

Flowery words they leave me a-gasping

Poetic dementia that robbed me of feelings.

Oh the Muse how can I woe?

When poetic words refused to flow

Words intended to make her heart go fonder

Comes out stale, bland, and bitter.

Tis’ emotions that sustain fire

That either lift hearts or sink deeper in mire

Emotions I vehemently denied to takeover

Feelings that I deliberately murder.

To their deathly hold I rid off me

To spare me of existence’s agony

Such as this so hefty a price:

A poetic man’s demise.

祈り十一 (いのりじゅういち )

Does my dependence on the Lord and my admission of weakness over His omnipotence make me a wimp?

Not at all!

If I believe that Christ is in me, that makes me no less of a man. Using me is for His glory not mine. And though He chose a lowly me, it magnifies Him like darkness magnifies the light. So if Christ lives in me, it’s no longer the wimp me.

Am I a lost soul because of this? Am I no longer me for allowing Someone bigger than me to take over the reigns? No. For I am a son of God, part of His children that takes comfort in his presence and basks in His eternal love and justice.

And just so that I wont forget, none of the glory is mine. But I am more than a vessel. “For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

祈り十 (いのりじゅう)

Thank You Lord for Your blessing. Help me Lord that I always be reminded that I am saved by Your grace and that I have the opportunity to consult Your loving wisdom on how do I go about.

I still struggle Lord with doubts, prejudices, unrest, pride, hate, lust – but I pray Lord that You please be with me that I may mature from a selfish man to a responsible, God-fearing, and abiding to your word.

May I always be reminded that I am working for You. And that that fact should be enough of a reason for me to do my very best to deliver to the best of my abilities. And instead of focusing on the negative, may You please give me the wisdom and ability to discern a unique cry for help, or wish for assistance from the people in here.

And when they see me, may I leave an impression of a man whose expertise I am wholeheartedly willing to share without strings attached. Let me not confuse this with a selfless act and abandonment of self respect.

Despicable He

Credit goes to the rightful owner of the photo.

If you will honestly assess yourself, even the most despicable people you’ve been with particularly at work were able to teach you a thing or two. Or even a lot be it directly or indirectly.

It’s not uncommon however for a bruised and resentment-cladded ego to say that the despicable guy only gave them a harrowing experience not worthy of remembrance and nothing more.

But no I am not one of those who do not see any silver lining out of the agony of being with a fiend wrapped in flesh and blood.

In fact he taught me a priceless life lesson: I now know who I don’t want to become when I get old.

Where Have All the Jammers Gone?

Picture source is obvious…

With no access to a videoke machine nor a working guitar, all I have for company when the singer/rockstar in me wants itself out is my son’s ukulele. I treated it as I would my pals: my once-whole acoustic and my black electric guitars. This is despite my notion that ukuleles are for kids and are good only for gospel songs and any music genre with a Hawaiian tinge. And what’s so cool is that it reciprocated the favor by making me feel I’m Kirk Hammet – and David Pomeranz occasionally.

Most of the times though, it isn’t about aiming to be like any famous musicians. It’s about singing and getting lost in the song and enjoying every bit of it. It doesn’t even need to make you feel like dancing on your toes. It’s more of identifying yourself in a song while letting all angsts embrace your soul.

It’s a big bonus when you’re with your liquor-possessed fellows despite the diversity of the tunes produced. A lot are off-tuned by the way and there are only a few of us who can do a proper second voice.

But even so, it didn’t matter. Not at all.

I used to be the guitarist of a “wayward” band (we can be found loitering along the way) back in high school. I learned it from a virtuoso of the six strings, a classmate of mine by just watching. I envied how he skillfully played the six string and so I decided I’d give it a try. I courted it with much ardor until I was finally able to cajole the guitar myself to form my own “band” within the campus under the Narra trees. We would commence after dismissal – while ladies are loitering around and call it quits when everyone else have gone home.

There we were, proud cocks trying to show off what we got in the hope of eliciting the admiration of the ladies. But when there was none, we would be content being copycats of Ely Buendia, Chito Miranda, and Noel Palomo.

How I missed those days when we wholeheartedly sing Buloy by Parokya (Ni Edgar), Pare ko by the Eraserheads, and Prinsesa by Teeth among others.

When nothing else matters but our jamming. Fuck the homework and the upcoming exams.

After a jamming session, we would go home fulfilled despite the itchy throats and throbbing finger tips due to prolonged pressing of the six strings on the frets. That was high school.

College days came and I was then too busy to be with a gang who relishes a concoction of jamming and drinking with much gusto like I did. I was still able to play the guitar though, albeit only for very few instances with no one else but myself.

Fast forward a dozen of years after graduation, I now have a permanent job, a permanent gang (my family), and a guitar with a lost tuning peg. Thank goodness I bought my son an ukulele. He sure was very happy the first time he saw it. But I think I’m more grateful than he is that I’ve bought it.

I gained a lot growing up and I also let go a lot of stuff, ranging from friends, my immaturity and some previous notions about life. Some, I am happy to go and replaced with something better.

But if there’s one thing I hate losing while growing up, it is the loss of fellow jammers who delight in get togethers while playing the guitar as much as I do. With the advent of videokes and videoke bars, my much cherished jamming is being pushed to extinction much to my sorrow and dismay.

It’s like losing a big part of yourself. It’s one avenue where I happily and nonchalantly express myself as the frustrated Rockstar, the angsty teenager who reveres Cobain, and the undiscovered Rockstar that everybody envies of becoming.

It would’ve been kickass if those times get back. Would’ve…

Pressure Cooker 2

photo from

Sa wakas ay nakabili rin kami ng pressure cooker. 4 quarts ang capacity, Hanabishi ang brand. Halos kalahating taon kaming nagpa-urong sulong para mag-delay of gratitude para masiguradong hindi lang dahil sa whims namin na bibili kami ng isang bagay na pagsisisihan namin sa bandang huli.

6 na buwan. Siguro naman ay justified na justified na ang pagkakabili namin nito lang nakaraang year end break.

Tuwang tuwa ako kapag ang karneng niluluto ko noon ng mahigit isang oras ay nagiging 20 minuto nalang. Wala ng laban ang karneng karaniwang kapit na kapit parin sa buto kahit ‘sang dekada mo pang pakuluan. Siguradong matutuwa sa akin ang sino mang de-pustiso na mapadpad sa bahay para kumain.

Ultimo patatas na paborito kong sahog sa nilaga at adobo ay chicken na chicken. Di mo na nga kailangang hiwain. Balatan mo lang tapos 10 hanggang 15 minuto kaya ng kagatin ng bata sa lambot.

May down side nga lang ang pagkakaluto ng ulam sa pressure cooker. Oo at madali ng palambutin ang karne. Pero iba parin yung pinakuluan ng matagal. Mas nanunuot yung lasa ng mga rekado sa karne at gayun din ang karne ang mga rekado sa sabaw. Ang akala ko nung una, kapag napalambot na ang karne sa pressure cooker e ‘matic na nahahalo narin ang lasa sa sabaw. Syempre meron parin, amoy karne at lasang karne parin pero iba yung pinakuluan ng matagal, lalo na kapag gumamit ka ng kahoy bilang panggatong imbes na kalan.

Pero ganun pa man e efficient sya, cost-wise at time-wise. Taas kamay ako don. Dahil dito ay may karapatan na akong tawagin ang sarili kong siga sa kusina. Syempre, mas pogi ata ang tatay na marunong magluto!

At kung napansin mo, wala ni isang ideyang maglilink sa akdang ito sa naunang pressure cooker na sinulat ko.

Welcome to incoherence. Manifestation marahil ito ng utak na suki na ng pressure cooker.

Making A Dent On The World One Human Soul At A Time

I’ve always wanted to make a dent on the field of structural engineering that I am in. I wanted to be recognized, respected, and frequently sought for with all the exclusive attention and admiration from the structural engineering community.

I wanted to change the world, much like everyone else, and leave a long lasting legacy that will go on to the end of human existence.

Of course that is far from getting realized. From all over the world and it may be that even in my neighborhood, I am not the best out there. Stupid as it sounds, the thought of which get’s the better of me sometimes.

So in these times I stop and consider some thank yous from people who were once part of the team that I was in. And looking back at them gets me thinking that it’s not my genius (or an eeny weeny part if any) that they appreciated. Rather, it’s my humanity to share and to help.

Yep I may not be able to change the world. But I think I did change one feeling, be it for long term or momentarily. The feeling rocks, albeit is an understatement for its true impact on me.

Thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to help you out directly or indirectly. Rest assured, this little work of mine will keep paying forward the things I learned and love. Your kind words would definitely go a long long way.

 ありがとう ございます!”

From Tina: “You’re amazing!”

From Mara (when asked why she was sure as hell that what she read was my work without me introducing her to my blog): “Nung ang pangalan ng blog nio eh yung ang mamang inhinyero pa? haha. eh hindi ko din alam sir eh. Pero astig kasi talaga. Feeling ko kasi nun kayo talaga yun. HAHAHA. Feeling lang. HAHAHA tapos confirmed. galing talaga. Haha. Ayan sir ha wala talaga ko pinagsasabihan, sa iba na galing yan. Pati yung kay jane dati, di kopo sinabi sakania yun hehe.”

From Ralph: “Astig, ngayon ko lang Nakita ito haha. sir xxx

Richard: “mssbi q ser, same kau ng impact skn ni sir dale. ang hirap nga I-express pero maraming salamat sa mga naituro m skn. Thank you ser, God Bless din

Faye: “Hi Sir xxx, Just want to thank you for being one of the best mentors I’ve ever had. You being my first mentor not only here in Ar*** but also in my professional life. All I can say is ang hirap makahanap ng mentor like you, when I transferred to a different team with a different senior, sobrang namimiss ko yung way ng pagtuturo ninyo, making sure I understand the concept behind everything I do. I feel guilty every time nakakasalubong ko kayo kasi I know medyo di ko nagawa ng maayos yung part ko sa DHEM hehe. Kaya sorry sir kung minsan nahihiya talaga ako.. Anyway, thank you uli sir and I hope mas madami pang matuto sa inyo 🙂 Regards, Faye”

Jane: “I’ll stay updated and keep learning from your informative blogs. :-)”

Bel: “Sir xxx! I saw ur blog.omg so cool. thanks po sa info.”

Jen: “Thank you sir. actually shocked din ako, di ko din alam sasabihin ko kanina. Pero sobrang thankful ako sir na nakasama ako sa team mo. Idol kaya kita sir! hehe. Dami ko natutunan sa inyo sir, di lang technical pati kung pano makitungo sa mga katrabaho. Salamat din sir sa mga advise and concern. Makakatulog na ako at makakapahinga sa ngayon ng mahaba. Hehe. 😊

Salamat ng marami sir! See you around na lang. God bless! 😊”

A Reminder On Who You’re Working For

You’re working for the company. You’re working with people including those who have dissenting ideas with yours and those who have an entirely different view of the world.

Notice the word ‘with’. It’s totally different from ‘for’. It’s an issue of coexistence. And I thank a friend for sharing a literature pointing out the correct mindset when thinking about work.

23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” – Colossians 3:23-24.

I love it how the Bible puts it as working for the Lord instead of people. It strips off the excuse of not giving your optimum performance to be the best you in spite of the boss or the working environment there is.

Pragmatic Lessons from My Pragmatic Wife


There are things that are nice to know. You don’t need to know them really, you can live without them but they are just nice to know. You can bombard people with these miscellaneous stuff either because you want them to know you know them or you want to do them a favor. But adults filter and retain only what’s practical to them.”

As always, I am totally hands down to the woman of my life for her expert words.

We were conversing about an officemate of mine requesting me to deliver my own technical lecture as an answer to the self-initiated lecture of a fellow senior engineer.

Admittedly, I told my wife that I am somewhat envious of that fellow senior for his audacity and initiative to give an unsolicited technical lecture to the junior engineers in the department. That’s when she told me that according to a LOT of researches conducted assessing the effective tools for learning (she’s an educator and a very good one at that!) lectures are the most inefficient and most unproductive method of teaching in which participants approximately digest only up to 15% of the lecture. So where’s the other 85% gone?

She explained further that the most effective way of teaching is imparting practical, doable ways and methods. Things that people can actually use or do. As adult learners, it is but common for us to pick only what’s useful at the moment and getting back to miscellaneous stuff (arguments corroborating the imparted practical tips and information) when someone has some free time to ponder about such things. This should come as no surprise since it is of the same way that evolution worked. We let go of what we don’t need, and that includes the miscellaneous “nice-to-know” things.

The internet for example has tons of scholarly articles and resources for practically every field imaginable that would’ve made masters of everyone who have access to them. But why is it that even if there is an information explosion we still cannot be all senseis of our chosen fields of expertise? Because we acquire and retain only those that are useful and practical to us.

Hold On

Trying to cap off another hellish week in the office with people whom you cant fathom the crookedness. Respect begets respect. Can’t anyone shut the fuck up first before jumping to conclusions? It’s the end of the week and I’m hostile. I badly needed some time off here. Hopefully thing’s will get better on the other side so that I may have a chance to get back again and leave this crap behind.

If there’s one thing left to hold on to that means more than my life, it’d be your hands.” – – 名前がない男の人

“Lotung Ulam”

Passing by a store near our home, the printed words on the whiteboard where the menu for the day is written never fails to elicit some chuckles from me and my wife.

I don’t make fun of the vendor’s inability to spell correctly. We laugh at her apparent sense of humor.

lotung ulam

The Law of Nonlinearity of Traffic in Metro Manila


Let’s perform a thought experiment:

Say it takes an hour of travel from home to work. Ideal situation would be, if you wake up 5 minutes later than usual, you will arrive 5 minutes later than the usual. Considering all other factors equal, waking up 30 minutes late should also mean being half an hour late than the usual.

Let’s get back to the reality of the hellish traffic of Metro Manila. The above postulates are 90% true if you commence commuting from the wee hours to 0430 hours. From 0430 to 0530 hours you’ll be arriving 30minutes later or travel time becomes one and a half hour. 0530 to 0630, total time of travel becomes 2 hours. From 0630 to 0700, it’s 3 hours. Beyond 0700 hours you’ll be better off filing a half day’s leave. All fingers inevitably point to the thing called rush hour.

And for such traffic predicaments that I have become an early bird where I voraciously devour the stillness of dawn. In addition, it gives me a sense of control of the coming day, most especially my work which has become a drudgery for me because of the toxic combination of people and culture. But I digress.

It’s ironic for it to be dubbed rush hour when you can hardly ‘rush’ anything at all while being stuck in the process.


“You get what you give”

you get what you give

Let’s not forget that some people are just reacting based on what we say or do to them. You treat him with respect and fairness, he reciprocates with loyalty and zeal to deliver something of great value.

You throw him shit, be prepared to receive something similar.

When you attack him, you shouldn’t be expecting him to be defenseless, and just curl up and die.

What goes around comes around.

Face Palm On Filipino Bosses


Expat bosses’ responses, non-Filipino expat bosses specifically, is a no-brainer:  a yes is a yes, a no is a no, and wait simply means just that – wait.

With Filipino bosses however, it’s like walking on no-man’s land with landmines. You have to read between the lines or you’re dead!

Fighting Enemies on Both Fronts

This is why Napoleon Bonaparte and the Axis Powers Lost. Engaging two opponents on two fronts especially when sustained, will lead to your eventual downfall.

And while I may not be facing such gruesome ordeal like a war, I am currently fighting my own set of enemies on two fronts:

First, the projects that I have to deliver on time.

Second and far worse than the first, is the people who disguise themselves as my “team mates” who I expect to be watching my back but exhibits the inclination to stab me with blame when the shit hits the fan.

This has to turn around. I have more important things to mind than to sustain this mess that I got myself into.

We’re supposed to be a team right? But I think that went out the window all because I am a no-nonsense type of worker. Objectivity is really not a typical Pinoy thing.

Non-Fat Pride

I don’t mind swallowing my pride in exchange of wisdom and enlightenment. If someone will ask me how many times have I done that, I would tell them I don’t know. I’ve lost count. But if pride is capable of providing nourishment I would’ve been severely obsessed by now.” – 名前がない男の人

Inflation Etc. Explained by BSP Deputy Governor Diwa C. Guinigundo

I am very much thankful for the succinct explanations of Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas Deputy Governor Diwa C. Guinigundo regarding the inflation rate, the real score of TRAIN law, among others. Totally comprehensive that even people who are not experts in global and local economics like myself can pick up that easy. (Just scroll to find the phone interview if you don’t want to watch the whole episode below.)

Thank you very much Deputy Governor Guinigundo and thank you Karambola for being an objective source of information.

The down side is it further irked me of the main stream media for sowing misinformation to advance their self-serving interests. I want to believe that you’re better than the one you’re accusing of being a dictator and slayer of your so-called freedom of speech or someone who bends the truth to suit with what they want the people to believe to keep them stupid and oblivious while making a malevolent political maneuver.

Come on guys, you can do better than that can’t you?

Breaking Through the Illusion of Comfort


We grow so comfortable with stuff we built over time, be it work, social circle or whatnot that it becomes so hard to let them go. We’ve built it overtime with failure and success on top of the other in an odd pattern. We nurtured it with a concoction  of sweat, blood, and tears.

Hard-earned is the word which makes it “rightfully ours”. Anything threatens to take that comfort away from us and it’s guaranteed to be the most gruesome bloodbath ever recorded.

But why give it up in the first place?

Because we either chose to awaken from our stupors or we are prompted by a pressing situation at hand to evolve or else we die, be it figuratively or literally. You might have figured out by now that life which is as dynamic as hell, changes irrespective of our status and how we feel.

Natural tendency is we fight for our lost “right”. Vehemently like a bigot gone bananas. We’ve become disillusioned with comfort that we fail to see that it already transformed into the misery of the known, boredom of the mundane, the small circle with iron walls that keep us from becoming the best that we ought to be.

We’ve come to worship the static. The same static that the medical personnel in the emergency room will cringe at the sound of which.

Because static is dead. Thermodynamics will attest to that.

And changes are nothing but the same medical personnel that is earnestly reviving us because we’re drifting away from the light. Because we chose the familiar comfort, the static, and death.


photo from

Living in The Moment

live in the moment

Being genuinely thankful for the moment just as it is, devoid of expectations and invisible strings attached work wonders. Life’s drudgery is more bearable thinking every moment’s a miracle rather than decadence or a death warrant of suffering and meaningless existence.” – 名前がない男の人


photo from

What’s so funny?

One thing that I can hardly get used to in terms of dealing with the younger generation today is the need to be funny in whatever you say or do. This is evident as I dumbfoundedly listen to such typical conversations that surround me every day. They are all cracking up while I’m left, with eyebrows crossed wondering how did that became funny at all. I just try to fake a smile or laughter despite my personal objections when I am expected to give an acknowledgement.

I am constantly reminded of Sharon Cuneta, dubbed as Megastar, who has a hard time not laughing all throughout the duration of her interviews for basically EVERYTHING. I don’t know and I can’t understand why she seemed to have her funny bones all tickled at the same time for no funny reasons at all.

It’s all very strange to me. I am not a grouch by the way and I know how to laugh a hearty laughter when I see/hear a good antic or joke. But to laugh at practically everything? Man, there must be something very fundamental that I’m missing here.

It’s for the same reason that I’m horrified when I am with a group of ‘jolly’ people who are talking to me. At the end of their banter, you would’ve heard a pin drop as they rabidly await what I have in response. Shall I just laugh? Do I need to scramble for a punchline? Do I smile instead without saying anything funny at all just to let them know that I am one of them? I don’t know. I am always thrown off-guard when I come face to face with this conundrum.

But they’re so used to it that their reactions are a reflex. They can automatically tickle themselves with the slightest stimulus that doesn’t even need to be qualified as ‘funny’ and laugh just as hard as if they’re going to sneeze and cough their brains out.

Laughing even if nothing’s funny at all isn’t as funny as I thought it was.

Changing For The Intelligent Lady

I must admit that one of my motivations in my quest to become an analytical writer instead of an emotional one is because of the intelligent lady that I’ve been mentioning here.

This commenced when she stopped reading me altogether. And perhaps one reason is my excessive use of argumentum ad hominem and emotionally-charged tirades in some of my posts. You see, in the realm of the intelligentsia I’ve learned that the use of such kind of arguments lower the quality of the discussion. Emo in itself is an unwanted guest unless it is backed by irrefutable facts. I just felt that she doesn’t want to be entangled with such kinds of hollow discourse and to people and writers who dumb down the discussion. And she may have seen me as someone not at par with her intellectual chakra and preferences.

Will this matter to her? Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter to me? Hell yes. But why?

My awe, respect, and admiration towards her never left me at all. And aside from that (which is again obviously emo in themselves) I also want to up my game a notch. I want to be able to deal with people of such intellectual prowess without wallowing in self pity and complaining about my perceived self inadequacy. I want to be able to speak to them squarely with my head unbowed. I want them to be unable to resist discussing things with me because they also want to hear my opinion. I want to improve and be a part of the class A, the cream of the crop, the elite. And I wont get there if I keep thinking I’m an outsider. To lift yourself, you have to dream of becoming better. You have to BE the one you dream of becoming. Because I am. Thanks to Jolens, that dream busted the idea of a better me out of my head, and made me very uncomfortable enough to get me to take action and grab that dream by the balls.

And if I may, I want to end this with an emo note.

I liked her and I like her still despite that I’ve only known her based on reading her personal accounts. Her magnetic waves are at the perfect frequency when it hit me home, all in the right places. I am no less than attracted to her cosmic magnanimity and enigma. I did and I still do. Although it evolved into something else, I just cant find the succinct words to describe it. And my feelings for her have become one big jumbled mess that is still behind my full comprehension.

The Beer Anthem

I used to hear this when I was a child and it never left my consciousness since then.

And when I started drinking beer, the more it became a part of me. Whoever wrote this song is a genius.

Cheers to my childhood memories and of course, to the timidity-inhibiting and making-a-singer-out-of-everyone, heaven-sent substance! (Ok processed, but the raw materials are not!)

Is Hanlon’s Razor Even Applicable to A Society That is Chronically Committed to Harm Itself?

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance.’ – Hanlon’s razor

When a person is intelligent, and it shows, they are often referred to as show-offs and arrogant. Well it can be that that person is indeed arrogant, or it may just be an inaccurate perception of confidence for cockiness. There’s a big difference.

And it all boils down to envy to some that are in possession of what the others had only been drooling of. Come on, the dude has it and you don’t, how bad can that be? But depending on who you got on your side, one may go along with Small Mind in whining about the ‘injustice’ and hurling insults and labels to the ‘pompous’ intellectual. Or you can say along with Big Mind with eyes teeming with excitement ‘damn, he’s got his shit together, I’d be that too!’

If one will follow Big Mind, what he’ll do is work on his shit, adjust something here and there, and even emulate some of the qualities of the other until such time that they are no longer dizzy and intimidated with the mere presence of the intellectual. One will cease utilizing argumentum ad hominem and just have a plain conversation of the mind, devoid of prejudices and deal-breaker emo. What you’ll gain is a sound state of mind at par with the intellectual you once envied.

In today’s society however, Small Mind almost always gets the final say. Because they allow it to, of course. In doing so, they are unwittingly imposing upon themselves their self-created caste system in labelling the others as the intelligentsia and themselves as the proletariat and limiting themselves in the process. They strongly believe that it puts them on a morally higher ground which automatically demonizes the other and labelling them anti-poor, know-it-all, yada yada yada. They detest the disparity. They abhor it to the bone.

But what baffles me is that most of all the self-labelled commoners relish that hollow me-good-they’re-evil rhetoric. Perhaps because their ‘I am a victim’ tenet is further substantiated and justified – which actually accomplishes nothing on their part. They resort to this pathetic excuse when confronted to change internally to improve their plight. They’re appalled at the sight of the required monumental internal work to be done to transcend from being a parasite to a dignified man ready to roll his sleeves and start working towards the betterment of his identity and country.

And so they postponed confronting it, indefinitely. Left alone, the elephant in the room already evolved into a leviathan, whose presence they wish they will only see once and no more.

Sa Mga Mabubuting Aral Ni Hudas

Judas Iscariot

Over the weekend, my son recited from memory some dont’s-and-do stuff from the books he read, which he usually does.

Saan mo nabasa yan anak ko?‘ asked my wife. (Where did you read that son?)

Before he can answer, I quipped ‘sa mga mabubuting aral ni Hudas‘ as I hardly suppressed my laughter. (The gospel of Judas Iscariot.)

‘Hala sige,’ came my wife’s response with a comic reproach. ‘Adda la kuman tang tinapis na kan.’ (If only my father was here he would’ve hit you in the head!)

Looking at Challenge Eye to Eye

Contrary to what you’re wishing at the back of your mind, you’re never gonna cruise your way into a decent paycheck. You get what you pay for. What you put in today is what you will also bring out later.

So better plant a world in order to harvest the cosmos; not to sow indolence and reap the mundane.

If you think you’re going to pursue writing over your new role, tell you what: you’re escaping from your possible future. You’re cowering in fear at the challenge posed by the brand new opportunity that’s right in front of you.

Don’t treat writing as a crutch. It should be aimed to enhance the beast in you. Never reduce something so great a gift to something as lame as an excuse.

Face the challenge, learn from it, be good at it so that the others cannot help but notice.

You are no coward son. You know better, you’re far better than that.

Goodbye Ieisya

asuna 3

You have finally crossed your Rubicon into the blissful arms of the man who took you to the altar. It’s evident in that unassailable glint in your eyes.

So long Ieisya,

Things didn’t change, you’re still a sight to behold in that long white dress. I’d say just that and no more.

Farewell Ieisya,

I’d say congratulations to you and your husband. I wish you both and your children well in your new life together.


Dealing With a Bleeding, Stabbed-With-Truth Ego

It’s amusing and annoying at the same time reading comments on blogs that point out the idiocy and the reasons why Filipinos, collectively, have a hard time getting out of the filth that he loves wallowing into.

Words like racist, butthurt, asshole are thrown by either side. Some have never-ending thread of retaliation responses using the same old arguments over and over again. While it is indeed entertaining watching a fight unfold with keyboards as weapons, at the end of it all, I wonder how should we take constructive, or even hurtful criticisms thrown at us. Most especially if there is truth in it.

General netiquette that I know is, if you have a dissenting opinion to what was written, you can hit comment and thoroughly elaborate your reasons. That and no more. After which one should stop engaging in an online brawl. It’s pointless. After all, they cant change your point of view and you don’t have the capacity to change theirs either. If one will concede however, I doubt that one of the dissenting parties would admit right then and there that the other is right and he is wrong. Only wise and mature people do that.

So how do we save our energies and time from trolling and see the sense and the objectivity (if there is) of the opinion of the guy at the other end, and learn from it instead? Philosophers of old seem to have us in mind when they wrote the following.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

You don’t have to accept everything you read be it against you, or in favor with your convictions. But instead of breeding contempt, why not see the sensible side of the argument, past the monkey throwing insults and directly into the message? Does something, one little bitty thing about what he said that makes sense? If it doesn’t, close the page and leave him gasping for air in his narrow mindedness. If it does, why not reflect on how it can help you improve and strengthen your arguments?

“Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted; nor to find talk and discourse; but to weigh and consider.” – Francis Bacon

It’s hard to shut up, especially when our brittle ego lies on the floor in pieces. On extreme cases, this resulted to road rage, homicides, and murder. Need I cite proof other than the daily news? It’s hard to weigh and consider if you’re shouting profanities in your head or on the comments section. Better to tell your emo to shut up before someone else will do it for you.

You might think that you emerged the victor after your tirade when in reality, you’ve lost a valuable insight that might have been added to your arsenal of wisdom.

“Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.” – Robert Frost

It’s not the perfect English grammar nor the choice of nosebleed words. Frost is talking about how it is to be “truly” educated behaving like a true gentleman or lady. Not the one shouting asshole or butthurt or any other derogatory utterances. (Admittedly, it feels good to be ‘uneducated’ sometimes, beating the life off of the buttsore twat.)

“Enlighten the people; generally, tyranny and oppressions of both mind and body will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.” – Thomas Jefferson

Yep, only then are we going to free ourselves from our self-imposed tyranny and oppression. It starts from the self. No buts, no excuses, no that’s-his-fault-not-mine bullcrap.

Towards healing and nation building however, it won’t make any significance if this self-realization is done only by a handful of people. It is a collective effort of everyone wanting more than to be eternally damned in this hellhole. Strange enough, some will fight to the death for the status quo of this wretched, dysfunctional society over the painful work required towards liberation.

This, is what worries me most…

Save the Best for Now

With unemployment persistently knocking at our doors, I noticed that I had been very tentative with my actions in the office. I was unsure if working your heart out is still relevant given the thought that I can be retrenched anytime.

My mind is elsewhere worrying about my loan, my family’s daily needs, my sons’ education and the impending discomfort that can be brought about by change. I’ve been restless as hell itself for about a month now. I sleep but I don’t get the benefit of the sleep that would refresh and empower me for the morrow.

But constantly thinking of doom and being perennially tentative is taking its toll on me and it didn’t make things easier either. This is not my default self. I know it because what I’m doing hurts me.

So instead of giving myself answers which I cannot, and God gives it a little late, I can only bestow upon myself some probing inquiries which I hope would prepare and lead me to where I should be going. I cannot change the external circumstances that I am subjected into but at least I can change my mindset, innovate, adopt, and succeed.

I just hope I am asking the right questions. If not, the only way is to question some more. By the way, only brutally honest questions are welcome. Ego-stroking questions will be shown the way out with a consolation prize of a hard kick in the butt.

  • Am I going to make an excuse why I ain’t doing my best?
  • Shall I do my best only when things are going my way?
  • Am I not going to try harder, to do it better when the going goes a bit uphill and off way than I expected it to?
  • Am I going to trade my identity from an innovative conqueror by my insane perseverance to an all-talk moron yielding zilch results?

Justifications That Help Ruin Your Self Esteem

Donna was my girlfriend at that time. Did not work out.

Fast forward one and a half decade to the present.

We managed to have a contact and she may have found the courage to say sorry because her juvenile energies back then is somewhere else in the future. As such, she was preoccupied with everything else that she wasn’t able to focus on ‘us’. So instead of her eyes on me, the lure of adventure got the best of her.

“Thank you for being very kind to me back then. Actually I am ashamed that I wasn’t able to reciprocate,” she told me.

“No worries,” I responded. “Those didn’t come with strings attached.” I’m so proud that I meant every word of what I said.

Looking back, it was still so vivid how I shot my proverbial feet when I justified her actions and put all the blame upon myself. Thoughts like:

Maybe because I wasn’t that smooth enough to make her have second thoughts on wandering away. Maybe I was so weak in not being able to hook her in and give up being elsewhere.

Little did I know back then that what I did slowly but surely got the best of my self esteem. A slow and painful descent to the abyss.

Thanks to my good old friend experience I learned that her decisions have nothing to do with me. I’m just on the side, a minor annoyance to her grand scheme of things.

Lessons learned:
– You’re not Atlas, and you’re not meant to carry everyone else. At times you can barely keep yourself up. How much more with carrying others?

– You cant mess with free will. You can only do so much but that’s it. When she decided it that way, there would be nothing that I would’ve done even if I put myself out of my own misery.

僕の現実 Dictionary: Cleavage Cavaliers


Cleavage Cavaliers – Every man in all walks of life’s team; they are not characterized into divisions, nor patronizes any particular star player; A fortress of men in staunch unison of upholding women’s right to uncensored ‘bosom’ expression. Of course, no one’s routing for any of the players”

僕の現実 Dictionary: Writing

(Author’s note: 僕の現実 Dictionary ‘read in romaji as boku no genjitsu meaning my reality’ is my definition of things based on MY reality. You may find this similar to Ambrose Bierce’s The Devil’s Dictionary because I intended that they be similar. I already gave Ambi the credit due him, ok?)

Writing – an institution where a writer willfully exorcises/employs his demons on a regular basis.”


Lord, unemployment is knocking on our doors.

This is what gives us fear, the unknown, the knowledge that tomorrow we’ll have to go scouring for a company to hire us, where we will get the required sustenance for us to feed our families.

I have a loan, a small kid, a kid who is starting his elementary education and a wife to support. It’s terrifying that a day will come when I will have to go home and tell my family that daddy became a part of the retrenched ones.

Oh Lord please forbid that it will come to that point!

Let not my unbelief and self-doubt block Your grace, goodness and love from my eyes. For I tremble in fear because of uncertainty and my doubts of You has become a formidable foe before me.

That excessive faith I put in myself became nothing but shattered glass of reality.  What a frightening beast did it come to be! What was originally designed to conquer the mediocre me, now haunts me so greatly.

Save me oh Lord, save me from my pride.

Your will shall come to pass because just like Yourself, Your words are eternal. I have always been afraid of it. May be the same reason why I kept shunning it whenever possible. Part of the reason is because I don’t have the slightest idea where You’re going to put me into. And that Your will is completely different with what I have in my limited mind.

But despite my protests, I still and will always trust Your love and goodness.

And if I may oh Lord but ask You, ’tis the company that trusted in me before I did so myself. The very same company and people that nurtured the man who I am today that despite the imperfections, have considerably grown from a boy to a man. A good man at that. Won’t You please grant me that I still serve her best, good interests such that in turn I can provide for my family, learn and grow professionally.

These Lord, I earnestly pray…

The Blessing (& The Many Curses) of Social Awareness

In my bid to educate myself of what’s happening politically with the country, I adjusted my sensibility levels from a callused apathetic to uber-sensitive levels. And just as I expected, I made a breakthrough by discovering that from among the myriad of things that turn on my switches, the one that is guaranteed to piss me off big time is – you guessed it right – politics.

It’s one of those double-edged proverbial blade where you’re happy to unravel things and getting pissed at yourself for doing so – simultaneously.

It started from me studying 日本語. It went beyond studying simple to complex grammatical rules to the Japanese’s desirable traits and their qualities that made them stand out. Things like how they, from amid the rubble of the 2nd world war, were able to heal (and the rest as they say is history) while here we are, still stuck in this hellhole with its own “grand” version of history.

That million dollar question of why oh why.

They’ve done it. Nothing less than the world is their witness how they did come back. Why can’t we? What did they do right that we are doing wrong?

The deeper I dug for answers, the more convinced I became that I was born in the wrong country. Thus my misery and annoyance magnified exponentially.

I once made a pact with myself that i will only give importance to things that will benefit me and my family. To other stuff that will qualify as excess baggages, I’d let my ass face them instead. And to that, I was sorry that I did more harm to myself.

Maybe what I need to develop instead is a thick hide, how to make a poker face, and an indifferent attitude of picking what is useful and ditching what isn’t and hope that one day, I’d be able to take my family away with me from a society that doesn’t want to be fixed and who wants to be perpetually identified as hellholers.

Erap Joke (the come back of the flash back)

(This is kind of old but it is still just as potent today as it was back then.)

photo from

Erap is in a banket meeting with world leaders when Loi passed him by while he was talking to another delegate.

“Where is your wife?” he asked Erap.

Erap replied “Oh Loi? She just passed away.”

Bra Sizes

Joke time with wife. She then explained later how hard it is for Russians to be gifted “exceptionally”.

bra size

Department store offering different bra sizes classified into the following:

Chinese – Making Mountain Out of Mole Hills

African – Uplifts the Fallen

Russian – Suppresses the Masses

A Million And 1 Reasons Why I Love My One And Only Wife Club: Reason 1


Reason 1: She respects my silence.”

silence my demons

How would you feel if she talks nonstop? Lucky for me I would never have to know and experience first hand. Our love for a quiet time for meditation and retrospect is mutual so that was never an issue.

And while no words are spoken, we hear each other loud and clear.

That rocks, she rocks \ml/!!!


That Destructive False Sense of Self Entitlement

self entitlement

Self entitlement.

One of the benefits of reading stuff that runs contrary to the greatness you think you deserve or you think you intend to keep.

Most of the time, this self-entitlement because of its egocentricity actually prevents you from doing the necessary work to succeed with whatever you want to achieve because it will plant in you a bug that tells you you’re worth it even if you don’t reach out for it. Like it’s going to be available anytime at your bidding.

What it does instead is it hinders you to do the necessary work, the nitty gritty painful stuff done by improvising inorder to stop producing shitty results due to crappy and faulty methodologies.

What should speak for itself are the results above all else. Not the pride of how something SHOULD be rightly yours without actually doing something.

I thank GRP for pointing out the destructive estate that I am in now. I know something’s wrong although I can’t put my fingers into it. It’s going to be a hopeless uphill battle if you have no idea what you’re up against.

Unmasking that something wrong is just one thing though. Having an action plan is another. As you come to this, I believe that this gets more personal deep to tackle. Contrary to expectations that you need team effort first, what you need is to settle it first with yourself and to ask yourself what it means to you. Sure you need emotional support and multitudes of ideas and different angles especially when it comes to applying it to society but what you want done and how you’d do it is still completely up to you.

You want it? Don’t just think you deserve it and do nothing or whine when it’s not handed to you in a silver platter. Get off your ass and do something.

Mathematically, what you want to achieve is proportionate to the amount of effort you put into it.

Nice Ride

I remembered writing something after being moved by I’m Still Here by Vertical Horizon. I’m not really a good story teller so I didn’t expect a lady reader’s reaction below. I seemed to have touched her heart in a profound way that her emotions suddenly went roller coaster.

“You did! You always keep on playing with my emotions everytime I visit your blog! Nice ride! :)”

One of the most awesome comments I received from a lovely reader of my now extinct blog. It’s probably one of the sincerest, and kick-ass comment that I ever or perhaps will ever have.

I cannot help but frame this one and make a written account out of which. And how I love to reminisce that moment when I first received it, it feels like I’ve won something out of a mortal combat. A feeling of vindication and surging, heads up pride of being the man of the moment!

But first, much respect and love goes to the lovely lady who wrote this to me.

I try to remember this one whenever I write something crappy, shitty or totally worthy of the waste can. If I can elicit some good emotions out of someone when I write a heartfelt composition like the post she commented on, why do I have to write crap at all?

Well for one I’m no clown. Even if I would’ve wanted to possess such a skill where you can make a roller coaster out of someone else’s emotion in no time, I aint wearing that mask long enough. I can’t.

But maybe it’s because writing is a form of exorcism where you try to purge the devil out of your system. Because it just didn’t happen to me once. Everytime I write I am performing exorcism in the hope of purging the friendly fiend off of me and make something good come out instead. That may explain the crappy outputs.

But whatever my struggles are as a writer, I will always cherish this comment. This one I will definitely keep for life.

And to you, the lovely lady who’s out to spread smiles and patch this negativity-riddled world with positivity, I hope you’re fine. Thank you for making my day. A lot of them days actually…

“♬♪ …ang mamatay ng (walang saysay) dahil sayo…♩♪♫♬”


You can’t mess with freewill.

You can have the best intentions  in the world to lift your fellowmen from his quicksand state. You wouldn’t even mind getting in harms way putting yourself on the line just to take them out of that wretched hellhole.

But that only goes as far, only if the person on the other end wants your helping hands to get his ass off the mire. While some people are adamant to admit that they’re in deep shit, some actually treasures their fucked up estates that they would’ve stoned you to death from stirring them off of their static equilibrium of deep shit and fucked up-ness.

What a shame for Bonifacio and Rizal, among others, to die for such hopeless people.



credit goes to the owner of the photo

Trying to Lift Myself Off of Boredom

Fame: something that writers loathe and dream of at the same time.” – 名前がない男の人

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.  ~Ferdinand Foch

Happiness is an occasional brief glance into how simple it all can be. ~Robert Brault

Who is rich? He who rejoices in his portion. ~The Talmud

What a unique treasure are the things we have learned to live without, for no thief can take them from us. ~Robert Brault

We don’t need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it. ~Donald Horban

See, the human mind is kind of like… a piñata.  When it breaks open, there’s a lot of surprises inside.  Once you get the piñata perspective, you see that losing your mind can be a peak experience.  ~Jane Wagner

Madness need not be all breakdown.  It may also be break-through.  ~R.D. Laing, The Politics of Experience

You’re only given a little spark of madness.  You mustn’t lose it.  ~Robin Williams

Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtasked.  ~Oliver W. Holmes, Sr.,

No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.  ~Henry Ward Beecher

There is a pleasure sure
In being mad which none but madmen know.
~John Dryden, The Spanish Friar, 1681

Everything great in the world is done by neurotics; they alone founded our religions and created our masterpieces.  ~Marcel Proust

Every great genius has an admixture of madness. ~Aristotle

Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul. ~Marcus Aurelius

Loneliness can be conquered only by those who can bear solitude. ~Paul Tillich

No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strength. ~Jack Kerouac

I’m not anti-social. I’m pro-solitude. ~Author unknown

What a commentary on civilization, when being alone is being suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it — like a secret vice. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my springs that never dry up. ~Pearl Buck

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall. ~Colette

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. ~Henry David Thoreau

Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Dr. Alexis Carrel

If you don’t get lost, there’s a chance you may never be found. ~Author Unknown

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. ~George Moore

It is good to feel lost… because it proves you have a navigational sense of where “Home” is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn’t that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.” ~Erika Harris

If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions. ~Author Unknown

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. ~Henry David Thoreau

Why should we honour those that die upon the field of battle? A man may show as reckless a courage in entering into the abyss of himself. ~William Butler Yeats

Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul. ~Author Unknown

[Y]ou must learn what life is now, not from me, but from life itself; but, if you will hear an old man’s opinion, I will give it you. If you think you can temper yourself into manliness by sitting here over your books, supposing you will grow into it as a matter of course by a rule of necessity, in the same way as your body grows old, it is the very silliest fancy that ever tempted a young man into his ruin. You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one. Go out into life, you will find your chance there, and only there. ~James Anthony Froude

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ~Anaïs Nin

Man is almost mad—mad because he is seeking something which he has already got; mad because he’s not aware of who he is; mad because he hopes, desires and then ultimately, feels frustrated. Frustration is bound to be there because you cannot find yourself by seeking; you are already there. The seeking has to stop, the search has to drop…. ~Osho

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. ~Jean de La Fontaine

Knowing who you are is the best defense against who they think you are. ~Dodinsky

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes. ~Hugh Prather

Better to start up a thousand wrong roads than to spend your life going nowhere because you know the way. ~Robert Brault

They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom. ~Confucius

When once the itch of literature comes over a man, nothing can cure it but the scratching of a pen. But if you have not a pen, I suppose you must scratch any way you can. ~Samuel Lover, Handy Andy, 1842

Writing is my time machine, takes me to the precise time and place I belong. ~Jeb Dickerson

Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind. ~Catherine Drinker Bowen

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. ~English professor at Ohio University, name unknown

Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable. ~Francis Bacon

A man may speak with his tongue and only be heard around the corner; but another man may speak with his pen and be heard around the globe. ~James Lendall Basford

I think it’s bad to talk about one’s present work, for it spoils something at the root of the creative act. It discharges the tension.” ~Norman Mailer

The land of literature is a fairy land to those who view it at a distance, but, like all other landscapes, the charm fades on a nearer approach, and the thorns and briars become visible. ~Washington Irving

Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself. ~Franz Kafka

Love letters and poems aren’t the least bit difficult to write, if you write directly from your heart into the ink and don’t channel through your brain first. ~Terri Guillemets

[G]usto thrives on freedom, and freedom in art, as in life, is the result of a discipline imposed by ourselves. Moreover, any writer overwhelmingly honest about pleasing himself is almost sure to please others. ~Marianne Moore (1887–1972), lecture, 1948

A person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted. ~Jules Renard, Journal, 1895 April 10th

Being an author is having angels whisper in your ear — and devils, too. ~Terri Guillemets

There is in some people a quietly unassuming pride that no misfortune can humble, and it goes by the name of humility. ~Robert Brault,

Be mindful of humility: the gale that breaks the pine does not bruise the violet. ~Austin O’Malley (1858–1932),

If a man possesses great talents, he need not publish them; they will generally publish themselves. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Sparks from the Philosopher’s Stone, 1882

True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes. ~Edward Frederick Halifax

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. ~Author Unknown

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one. ~J. Pierpoint Morgan

We have two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice and another which we practice but seldom preach. ~Bertrand Russell

Few love to hear the sins they love to act. ~William Shakespeare

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. ~Author Unknown

If every fool wore a crown, we should all be kings. ~Welsh Proverb

[H]e was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. ~George Eliot, Adam Bede

All the mistakes I make arise from forsaking my own station and trying to see the object from another person’s point of view. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are. ~Julius Charles Hare

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. ~André Berthiaume, Contretemps

An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a man’s entire existence. ~Honoré de Balzac, Scènes de la vie Parisienne

You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand. ~Irene C. Kassorla

Why try to be someone you’re not? Life is hard enough without adding impersonation to the skills required. ~Robert Brault

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. ~Kurt Vonnegut

When you dance to your own rhythm,
Life taps its toes to your beat.
~Terri Guillemets

One’s real life is often the life that one does not lead. ~Oscar Wilde, L’Envoi to Rose-leaf and Apple-leaf, 1882

Perfection in art, as often in life, is better captured by eraser than pencil. ~Robert Brault

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one. ~Stella Adler

Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better. ~André Gide

An artist is someone who produces things that people don’t need to have but that he — for some reason — thinks it would be a good idea to give them. ~Andy Warhol

Sometimes, to pursue a new idea, the artist must forfeit his deposit on an old idea. ~Robert Brault

What was any art but a mold in which to imprison for a moment the shining elusive element which is life itself — life hurrying past us and running away, too strong to stop, too sweet to lose. ~Willa Cather

The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web. ~Pablo Picasso

Artistic growth is, more than it is anything else, a refining of the sense of truthfulness. The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult it is. ~Willa Cather

The artist does not see things as they are, but as he is. ~Alfred Tonnelle

Art is a kind of illness. ~Giacomo Puccini

While I recognize the necessity for a basis of observed reality… true art lies in a reality that is felt. ~Odilon Redon

Art is when you hear a knocking from your soul — and you answer. ~Terri Guillemets

There is in every artist’s studio a scrap heap of discarded works in which the artist’s discipline prevailed against his imagination. ~Robert Brault


Parbangon (Sagut ku ken tay biagko)


Arig mo tay linnaaw ti bigbigat
Nalamiis nga pul-oy a mangag-agep toy rupak
Palayupoy mo a bang-ar barukung ku
Ken liwliwa ditoy riknak ken pusok

Sika ti inana ti kararwak
Ti naimas a samiweng ditoy lapayag
Sika ti inaldaw a sagut kanyak ti Dios Apo a namarsua
Baro a biag ken naimbag a namnama


(toy ladawan ket naala sadiay

Craft vs Crap


Talking About Craft

My wife bought a dozen or so of flower pots made from old tires from an old man in our neighborhood. In his home you can see his handicrafts as we pass by – a plane wind vane with its rotors rotating in the wind, a tree house and lots and lots of fancy stuff.

As I helped him unload the flower pots from an old wheeled chair which he used to deliver, I can’t help but admire his handy work. Ingenious. What he can conceive in his mind, he can make it tangible. And his artworks were as such that his work of art is now adored by many including me.

Which led me to think on what handy work of mine can I be proud of.

asuna my hot posters

Talking About Crap

As I recollected, in the past week I have written something X-rated which was inspired when I was with two brainy ladies talking nonchalantly inside the UV express. They’re not model-like beautiful nor do they have the voluptuous body of a Victoria’s Secret model but they became as such to me as I basked in their above average IQs while they conversed (you’ll know it when you hear people talk without looking at their credentials). It bled ink and led me to something erotic if not perverted. Not that I mind-fucked them, hell no. I said I was just inspired didn’t I?

And a few weeks back as I sat in the UV express on my way home I was reminded of Yuuki Asuna, a proxy of a long, red-haired girl which I knew back then, inspired me enough again to pen an erotic prose (perverted yet again) which I consistently look at from time to time.


So THAT’s my work of art, my craft, (or crap?!) that I ought to be proud of?



photo from pinterest and

How Making Love to a Brainy Woman Feels Like


Making love to her feels you’re on another dimension. You’re not just fucking her body, you’re also fucking her mind which is as wide and as unfathomable as the cosmos.

Making love to her is a religious experience. You transcend the physical onto the metaphysical, going in and out of consciousness while pounding heavens’ doors.

Making love to her is like being constantly drunk without the hangover. The longer it gets, the sweeter and more intoxicating she becomes.

Making love to her is like a celebration of a triumphant conquest. Nothing feels so gratifying than when a woman who is highly commendable in her own turf and looked upon by many, gets her warm body helpless in your arms as she writhe and moan in pleasure.




wherever these gif/photo came from, credit goes to them…

Doing It In Cold Blood

There are things that you need to execute in a cold-blooded way.

Now I myself, based on the description cannot not think about murder. But I’m going to completely give it another meaning aside from a gruesome bloodbath: sometimes what we need to kill is our emotions attached while doing something worthwhile. Such emotions like ‘I don’t feel like doing it’ which hinders us from getting things done.

Clamoring for a sample, eh?!

After killing the emotions in the sentence below:

I don’t feel like doing it.


And rephrasing it to appease the grammar gods, it now becomes a cold-blooded execution mantra –

I will do it.

When to turn your defense mode off


When you’re on defensive mode, you don’t only fend off attacks but you also shield yourself from the opportunities to learn and be better.

It takes courage and humility to accept that you flunked on something along the way. It may be downright humiliating at first. But at the end of which, as you take your guard down and let wisdom come at you in full force, nothing else can stop you now from learning and improving.


photo from


Sure there were a lot of times when I feel bloated – my ego, not my gut. It pays to be reminded to keep it low and just shut up at times, and nothing else reminds me better than the wisdom of the ancients and the modern through their immortal quotes.

Humility Quote

O be very sure That no man will learn anything at all, Unless he first will learn humility. Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

A man is never so badly cheated as when he believes too much in himself. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915)

It wasn’t until late in life that I discovered how easy it is to say “I don’t know.” ~W. Somerset Maugham

True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes. ~Edward Frederick Halifax

Spoil not an act of kindness by speaking of it. ~Proverb

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. ~Author Unknown

It is always the secure who are humble. ~G.K. Chesterton

Few are humble, for it takes a self-esteem few possess. ~Robert Brault

Know thyself, still the best antidote to a sense of moral superiority. ~Robert Brault

With people of only moderate ability modesty is mere honesty; but with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

Wear your learning like your watch, in a private pocket; and do not pull it out, and strike it, merely to show that you have one. ~Lord Chesterfield

People that put themselves above others will fall longer and harder. ~Gina Lindley

You shouldn’t gloat about anything you’ve done; you ought to keep going and find something better to do. ~David Packard

Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected. ~William Safire