Humans’ Basic Need of Self-Expression


A Fresh Look at Faded Van Gogh Paintings - American Coatings Association

Aside from the physiological needs of humans such as food and oxygen, the frequently neglected and oftentimes deemed unnecessary need to survive on our sojourn in life is to be able to express ourselves.

It’s not the type of expression that springs from the insecure ego who constantly demands likes and applause just to have itself validated. It’s the expression that is borne out of necessity. The necessity and the urgency to express yourself without the need of outside validation, or else you’ll die. It’s that kind of expression that we need to hone so that we can harness its healing power and the inner peace that it brings.

What keeps us however from getting in touch with our expressive side which has the potential of healing our souls, is our lack of courage to pursue them wholeheartedly. Because of our fears, primarily the fear of being misunderstood among others, we tend to tiptoe with half-assed efforts instead of engaging it with all our soul, with all our might, and in the fullness of our selves. And in doing so, we fail to unlock the full potential of that self-expression, which adds to our current suffocation and sickness of reality.

It’s only after we render ourselves vulnerable to our self-expressions will we be able to discover the strength we need to keep us up on our feet, and the hope that tomorrow will be better, if not the best that is yet to come for us.

So write that poetry that had been bugging you for quite some time now. Draw that abstract idea, paint that rather absurd image that resides in your head even if the only word that the world will ever describe it is ‘nonsensical’. Sing like the world’s an open stadium with no other humans around. Dance such that gods and goddesses that ever were will be put to shame.

You may not have created something that will outshine John Keats, Pablo Picasso, Bob Dylan or Michael Jackson. But it doesn’t matter. It’s because you were able to achieve something far more important than what you were able to realize:

You’ve been able to breathe.

And in the process of breathing, you were able to make somebody else breathe as well.

que habla español


Trivium Memes on Twitter: "You feel like the broken one Over and over  again... Still not sure if i should make jokes about this or not 😅  Hopefully not broken!… https://t.co/XZ4fCJ7fD2"

I can’t help it sometimes but be amazed at how fluent I am in Spanish. I don’t need somebody to speak Spanish with actually. In fact, it just comes naturally especially when I am startled or surprised.

Like that one time when the little boy was about to plug in the electric fan. Acting on pure instinct, I flew from where I was seated, my aim was to reach the plug before it reaches the socket.

The corner of the wall however, caught my right pinky toe bending it at a 90 degree angle. Thankfully, I made it just in time to grab the plug from his hands.

It was mixed emotions after that. I was relieved I had the plug, but I couldn’t remember the feeling of “relief” other than the pain that ensued. I fought back the urge to bellow in rage but I managed to let out a barrage of pure Spanish words and phrases after that.

“Litsi!!!”

Why do we ever have to leave good mentors and bosses?


One of the hardest parts of leaving a workplace is leaving a good friend, mentor, or boss behind. I myself at several times in my career had a hard time processing the thought that I lost an ally, a friend, and a guide.

But of course as such is life. And in as much as I’d like to fret and get depressed over my loss of a good mentor, I realized that it’s just the way it is: a natural process of life that we have to accept.

Nevertheless, it’s but human that we feel upset as we look back at people that we lost in the process of moving on: those who had been our brothers and sisters at work, the very people who we shed metaphorical blood with when the times got rough and tough, and also the ones we shared revelries with after a successful project delivery.

What’s comforting to know is that they left us something worthwhile, something more important than the reason why the heavens allowed that we’ll no longer be mentored by such great teachers.

It was intended for us to learn to stand on our own sturdy legs

The downside of working with great mentors is we may inadvertently develop a complacent type of dependence. Of course it is a vital quality of a team to become mutually dependent of one another based on one’s respective role. And this is not to say that working under a boss whose values do not resonate with us is better.

But the danger of which is we may become inflicted with a debilitating dependence where you become too relaxed and indolent because of the thought that someone got you covered no matter what.

At a certain point in our lives whether we will still be in the same industry or not, we will be in charge to hold the line and be accountable for our actions. In those instances, it will no longer be our good mentors who will be there to save us. By then, it will all be up to us.

They came to illuminate our way

For me, good teachers are all God-sent angels in disguise, meant to show us the first and essential steps, if not the whole way. If you’re not into theology, it’s the universe or destiny or their calling to guide our souls in our journey towards the realization of our own potentials.

Before our guides came, we had been wandering in darkness lost in a labyrinth of pathways that lead to some place only God knows where. Then came our good mentors holding a lamp. The lamp may not be as bright as a supernova to bring everything to light but it is bright enough to guide us in our succeeding steps.

And if we’re closely paying attention, our good mentors did not just show us the way. More importantly, they showed us how it’s done properly. Correctly. Efficiently.

And even if what we’ve learned from them isn’t the superb way of doing things, they still left us something of equal importance: they left us something to begin with. It’s enough to get us started, to explore other options and to improve them. How kickass can that be?

‘Thank you, sensei!’

Great teachers and bosses come and go. We cannot expect to hold on to such great blessings for too long, right? After all, there are blessings that are meant to be shared anyway.

And as it turns out, they never really left us at all. Because good mentors and bosses left behind in us a good part of themselves.

Boomer Journals 8 – DBE: The Art of Balancing Iron Hands With Kindness


The game was Lucky 9. I was not completely hopeless, I had cards to play with: 7 and 3. And nothing else. It’s not much but I had to play nonetheless…

My 7 and 3 cards were introversion and the lack of experience (I had a previous work experience albeit negligible) which consequently added to my already dismal levels of self confidence.

Despite the overwhelming odds, I still consider myself lucky even if I haven’t felt as such right at the moment. And that’s because I was fortunate enough to work a decade ago under the management of our project manager, DBE.

The Alpha Manager

He was fondly known in the company with those initials. He was a skillful white-haired leader of the project site who delivered countless monumental projects to completion in an orderly, honest, and efficient fashion. He knows his psychology so well as he dealt skillfully with everyone in the project site from the laborers up to the project owner.

He was a strongman, highly experienced trouble-shooter, with an unbelievable presence of mind, and a master of “psywarring”. Due to his results oriented work attitude, he was often portrayed as a tough guy and unforgiving such that many that I knew trembled at the mere mention of his initials.

He was good natured during my interview though, far from what I’d learn later so I didn’t see that side of him just yet. But after a few days and weeks, I saw his deadly precision and smoldering passion for the projects that he handles. Slowly, I came to realize that my role under his team was something I didn’t think I was prepared to execute. At some point I told myself uh-oh, this sure is going to be the end of me.

A walk in Jurassic Park

Working under his command wasn’t a walk in the park. Well it may had been albeit, from the punch lines of the late Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago, it was a stroll in Jurassic Park. Site work demands your toughness: physically, mentally, and emotionally. I knew I can survive the physical but I was doubtful of the other two.

Supposed to be, site engineers should be assertive mini project managers in the job site. You should be as shrewd as the owner in making sure that everything in the project from manpower to materials are all in their tiptop shape; and an overseer who makes sure that daily operations run smoothly and have all the edges ironed out. Sleep and rest should be nonexistent entries in your lexicon.

Yep, that’s the way it should be. Or else, how can you deal with subcontractors, your fellow engineers, suppliers, bosses, and owners, site issues, and all that chaos in a daily basis?!

He expected us, me specifically, to be proactive with all the activities. Even if I was nearly paralyzed with fear of falling short of his expectations, I did my best with all honesty . But that didn’t stop him from all his refreshing “pananabon” or reprimands because of my lapses. He didn’t want any half-assed efforts, so I still pushed myself to focus even if I cannot help it sometimes but to dream far beyond the sun of a structural design job which I deemed as a job more suitable to introverts and “unassertive” individuals like myself at the time, and not the pushy site engineer that I need to be.

I cannot just leave because I couldn’t afford not to work so I tried to stay with it and bear with paying my tuition, despite my violent protests to my role. But even so, I still tried to be at my best even if the only motivation I can think of at the time was to evade getting admonished by him.

That’s what the work demanded from us. It’s one hell of a job, but it was a job that has to be done nonetheless.

Choosing to be kind in a rather unkind situation

There was a time when I had to go to one of our dumpsites to check why our dump trucks couldn’t make it back immediately. I stayed there until past noon when I was sure that there will be no more delays in disposing filling materials. When I made it back to the job site, it was already but a few minutes before the resumption of operations in the afternoon.

When they saw me, they all told me that they accidentally forgot all about me and that they weren’t able to set aside my lunch (we pitch in our contributions for our lunch which will be cooked in the makeshift kitchen of our field office). I didn’t give it much thought. No big deal. It happens sometimes and I fully believe it was unintentional so I just went outside and scoured for a place to chow.

A few weeks after that, we’ve had an operations meeting with all the other staff. My attention wasn’t quite in the meeting when the materials engineer who was beside me at that time brought back my attention and I heard just in time DBE talking about being mindful of everyone in the project and further said ayoko yung may magsasabi na ‘ay ayoko dyan, lagi akong nauubusan dyan.’ (I don’t want to hear anyone in my team saying “no one cares about me there.”)

I was surprised. I initially thought my existence in the project team was just an expendable one, but DBE took notice and cared enough to verbalize it. I couldn’t forget those words and the feelings that ensued. The DBE that they dubbed as “terrible” took notice of the lowly site engineer of his team!

Aside from that, I also heard from others how he acknowledged my efforts as evident on how I turned skin and bones due to lack of sleep, the punishment of the harsh heat of the day and the freezing nights that I had to stay in the jobsite. They would tell me napuri ka na ni boss (boss already acknowledged your hard work.) Only a after few years down line would I realize how much those words would mean to me as a professional.

I didn’t think I’d ever be benefitted of such kindness from boss. I was a greenhorn and introverted albeit the demand of the job wouldn’t have any of those as an excuse. But I did receive kindness from the tough man himself. It was very unlikely that it almost seemed surreal but it was real nonetheless.

“Napuri ka na ni boss…”

A heart behind the iron hands

It would’ve been easy for him to play politics, with me at his immediate disposal since I am quiet most of the time. But he did not. He was the first to show me that in order to succeed in the corporate world, you just need to be fair and be kind to everyone while pushing your people to be at their best not just for the company but for themselves as well.

Toxic office politics isn’t a norm under his command. If you fail to do your part, it’s your fault and you’ll get castigated for that. If you do your job well, whoever you are and whatever your disposition is, all is well and he’s expecting you to get better at it.

I sure received a lot of admonitions from him, a lot of them humiliating and a bitter pill to swallow. But what’s strange is beyond all those castigations, I felt that he cared. Not only for my output and role in his team and the company, but for my own personal improvement as well. I’ve met but a few people who have that skill of making you feel valued genuinely even while you’re being castigated because of your lapses.

He may not have seen a competitive me in those moments. In fact, I might have been the least from among his team. But I believe he saw my honest efforts to meet the demands of the job and to improve. And he also acknowledged that I was trying so hard as I consequently pushed myself outside of my wits and limits. The least that he could do was to be kind while still pushing me to be better.

He still demanded our best all throughout the duration that he led the project. It was not a picnic, in fact it had been ugly for a lot of times. And yet despite how unkind the workplace and the activities can get, he chose to deal with kindness towards the greenhorn me. That was something that never left me from the time I was a mere private in the engineering profession up to now that I already earned a lot of scars to boast with.

And while I already learned from a lot people, people who I told myself that I’ll do my very best not to become like them when I get old, I told myself I wanted to become like DBE when the time comes for me to lead my own. DBE’s sincere care for my professional welfare and his desire to pull someone outside of his comfort zone in order to grow and succeed, is what I always wanted to emulate and possess even before my crown turns permanently white.

And his kindness towards me, despite how unkind the circumstances were is something worth paying forward.

The “tomato” way to fame


While I cannot customize my rather archaic thinking to conform with “pop art”, I became interested nonetheless in determining the psychological profile of my readers in social media – what posts do they react to mostly and what piques their interest, in order to drive them eventually to my page and hopefully drag them all the way to my blog.

It all started when I wondered why my post about our backyard tomatoes garnered more likes than any of my presupposed reaction-eliciting thoughts and funny anecdotes.

I couldn’t believe it at first. A tomato? Really?!!

At first I thought it has something to do with one’s familiarity to the author (you cannot just comment on someone’s post even if it hits you home if you’re not that close, right?) Or maybe I am, in reality, an alien wearing a human costume desperately trying to blend in with humans.

I don’t know.

I’ve tried to make predictions, did countless social experiments on my own but still I cannot get that reaction I was rooting at. Audiences, turns out, are like women in terms of complexity and unpredictability.

Still confused, I asked my lady and she had this for an answer:

You know, almost everyone today is experiencing quarantine fatigue and they want a quick fix. An easy laugh or something easy to digest. What you posted (referring to the tomatoes) doesn’t have any riddles, no politics, no drama, no hidden meaning that they still need to decipher, and no vocabulary that needs to be consulted to a dictionary. Now if you’re trying to be poetic and all that and your post still needs to be further broken down into quarks and bosons in order to get the meaning, then you might as well kiss any form of reaction goodbye.”

Well, whatever the reason may be, I hope it’s not because I am a lousy storyteller.

Guess who


I have multiple personalities. It automatically selects which particular ‘me’ should take over to suit anyone I am talking to.

So if you’re wondering where is the usually warm and quiet me that you were talking to awhile ago, please understand that your presence might have conjured my cold and asshole self.

That also makes me a very good mirror. What you see in me is a reflection of who you are to me.

名前がない男の人

The Perfect Workplace for Introverts and Non Office Politics Players


I don’t care that you do not play office politics. We don’t have that type of culture here anyway.

I don’t care that you frequently stay put in your workstation; that you do not go out and have lunch, dinner, or snacks with majority of your officemates during break.

I don’t mind if you are introverted, just sitting there quietly doing your thing.

I don’t mistake your quiet demeanor as a lack of loyalty to me or the company. You don’t need to feel threatened that you are quiet.

I understand that you have your family to attend to that you cannot attend to some of our company socials. I would be surprised in fact if you don’t tend to them first.

In here we coach each other, build each other, lift each other, care for each other.

In here, we don’t set someone up for failure so we can justify throwing him/her out the window.

This office is run by trust, not on how close you are to the director, your manager, or anyone.”

There are offices, companies, and bosses where you’ll hear these despite that they’re not being verbalized.

You’ll feel it in the overall office atmosphere. You’ll feel it in how you’re being treated. You’ll feel that freedom and trust whether you are within your company’s premises or in the comfort of your own home.

You’ll feel you are blessed when you find such kind of offices, companies, and bosses.

Well I was.

And sure I still am currently, right at this very moment.

Wishing you’re blessed to be in this kind of workplace too!

#greatworkplace #freedom #nontoxicworkplace

“♬♪… ang mamatay (wag naman po sana!🙏) ng dahil sayo…♩♪♫♬”


If war breaks out (God forbids!) we who had been the last batch to undergo mandatory ROTC in college were automatically enlisted as reserve.

We’ll be “frontliners” then. I imagine we’d be dodging bullets, saying hello to incoming artillery fire, playing “piko” so as not to step on landmines, and frequently hugging the ground.

Being enlisted by the state to defend itself anyway is an opportunity to offer the ultimate sacrifice for the country. It’s the consummation of the last line of the national anthem which is “… ang mamatay ng dahil sayo…”

What does that have to offer? An opportunity to defend (and to die, to complete the rhetoric) for something which is the country. At least we’ll not be dying for nothing, ain’t it?

Not that I’m looking forward to die with a bullet inside me or being surprised by deadly shockwaves and shrapnel from grenades by the way.

I just can’t help but think though, how lucky were the ones who enrolled in NSTP instead. While the thought of holding an M16 rifle ala Rambo while saying “live for nothing, or die for something” sounds totally heroic and romantic, I still believe that the ones behind the frontliners are much more lucky since they are the ones who are most likely to make it out of the war alive.

Home Security


ice cube pissed face | Meme Generator

When it comes to security at home, I would qualify myself as the most paranoid.

My heart would often skip a bit as I immediately blurt out a barrage of Spanish expletives when I see a door left open, or an unlocked barrel bolt or door knob. I would then immediately remind everyone at home, regardless of whoever they may be, in an exasperated tone how important it is to observe simple yet very important rules in safety.

The good thing is, we ourselves imbibed the urgency to immediately secure our home starting from ensuring that doors are always locked.

Unfortunately, we’ve had some housemates back then who have little regard to the set rules. They would often leave the backdoor unlocked or the padlock improperly set, despite that it only would have taken a few calories to do properly. Still my paranoid self, I would often remind them emphatically the importance of being mindful about the security at home. And we even cited examples of recent news of burglars breaking into homes near our area.

But to no avail.

One day, we cited a rather unfortunate news of someone getting murdered inside their home in broad daylight, their home just less than a kilometer from our area. We thought we already got the message across with the most powerful example after telling them that unfortunate horrific example of relaxed home security protocols gone wrong.

Imagine our shock and exasperated faces, as we clutched our hands in utter disbelief when she said nonchalantly, almost in a jokingly manner:

Minardər da idan a...” (“Oh well, they got murdered alright…”)

…(You didn’t think I’d see that, do you…)


Funny Sarcastic Memes - Sweetytextmessages.com

Even if we vehemently deny, there’s just no way we can deny that there’s more than meets the eye. In other words, what we don’t say in most cases speaks louder than what comes out of our lips. It is possible, thanks to good ole psychology. That’s the wonder of being able to read body language which is, most of the time, more conspicuous than spoken words. 

With no less than the constitution guaranteeing our right to freedom of expression which can be further justified by the cliché ‘insult is taken, not given’, we ought to be responsible with what we say so we wont end up pissing whoever is in front of us at worse or, we’ll be getting our points across albeit convoluted at best.

A time for everything

There’s a time and place for jokes and our oozing sarcasm. It is in such time that we can roast someone sans the coals or when we play a prank on a homie.

And then there are instances when such ‘skills’ need to take a back seat to give way to civility and diplomacy especially when dealing with people who are not our close friends like our coworkers, our bosses, or a random fellow human we’d meet somewhere. You just gotta shut up sometimes despite the urge to throw a punchline, a quasi-insult or a full-fledged one.

But even when you mean nothing sinister at all, you can still be misinterpreted. If you’re not bothered by this, you need not give a damn. But if it’s a client or anyone who needs an exact account of any story, you will need to extend yourself to explain carefully what you wanted to tell them in such a way that it leaves no room for other interpretations.

No matter how careful you are though, people can still, or will deliberately misinterpret you. And sometimes, people assume that the person in front of them is stupid, and so they become oblivious to what’s going on inside the person’s head. You can only hope they’re not imagining the smell of your skin being roasted in flames.

Fill in the blanks

Nevertheless it is fun to listen sometimes and complete their rather incomplete sentences in your head, especially when you can read the body language which is hard to fake, like the few examples below. You really gotta thank psychology for giving such a comic relief.

  • Your sibling is dang brainy (And you’re braindead!)
  • You have cool parents (You’re not like them. Not one bit. Are you legitimate or what?!)
  • Your parents have Latin honors?! (Then why are you their mea culpa?!)
  • You’re entitled to a better care. (Because they are losers and not competent enough, you know?!)

Boomer Journals 8 – ‘Tang’ and His Abhorrence of Excessively Teasing Kids


Why do kids cry so much? The science behind sobbing

At some point in our lives when we were older, we took delight in bullying kids by means of teasing them until they bawl out of frustration. And when the child reacts, we adults often take it as an attack on our “authority” over them, hence we show enough force to keep the kid scared for another day.

Why in the world do we do it? Maybe because some of us view children as hopeless little losers. Or perhaps it’s a way of establishing our ‘authority’ being the grown up among the growing up, or maybe because we want to avenge ourselves of our past humiliations by adults when we were kids.

The often unseen, neglected side of the coin

The problem with such power tripping on children is the long-term effects of bullying to them when they mature, which of course varies from one kid to another. The kids will eventually outgrow their childishness, become discerning teens and eventually adults. It would have been sufficient if it was explained later on, that those were just pranks not intended to harm their self-esteem. But that’s hardly ever the case. They even label you as a ‘pussy’ for not being able to handle their ‘little jokes’.

While some kids eventually outgrow them, others cannot help but nurture loathing and harbor feelings of anger towards the adults who had been bullying them in their childhood. While suppressed negative emotions such as anger do not necessarily end up in direct assault by the bullied kids when they grow up, they can develop lasting feelings of lost respect towards the grownups and apathy.

And when they inevitably reach their saturation point and it clicks, it’s all over. The harrowing experiences of shame and anger is permanently etched in their long-term memory. There’s nothing much you can do to change their minds after that. Sure the kids might still talk to adults after but the respect they once had already vanished into thin air.

I once thought this was the norm. That it’s just something children inevitably needs to deal with.

That is until I heard stories of my father-in-law.

“Not on my watch.”

He didn’t tolerate any grownups teasing his children to the extent that his kids would be begging for them to stop until they cry, especially when it comes to food. He would often reproach erring adults by telling them “Ala sigi, isuru yu dagita nga mapukaw tu ti respeto da kadakayo.” (You’re teaching them to lose their respect towards you with what you’re doing.)

He did not just apply the rule to his children, he made it sure that other kids within his care will be treated right thus consequently teaching them to respect others as well. And when those kids grew up and became adults, the respect, that high regard towards the old man never departed such that they even accorded him the same esteem while he was on his deathbed.

But it went beyond that.

He walked the talk such that the respect they gave him transcended his death such that his children now receives the same esteem from the other kids (now responsible adults with their own families) he once taught.

The gift that keeps on giving and giving

It might have been an unpopular stance but he did not care because he knew better which is why he did better.

Why? Because he believes respect knows no age limit, be it a 2 year old kid or an adult. There’s an acceptable limit to teasing in the spirit of fun and play. But if what we as adults deem as fun results to harbored anger and resentment of the child towards himself and others, then we should by all means know better.

What he taught them while he was alive transcended his human form and continues to teach me to this day, years after his death.

Truly, the goodness he had sown still ripples to this day. The bounds of which only God can tell.

A Soviet Horror Story


Polish soldier Jan Grzybek with his horse drinking water from the stream,  1970s, colorized | 960x733 : MilitaryPorn

In the year 1875, a Soviet Union soldier named Dimitri was on a horseback when he got lost in a haunted forest near Moscow. He looked up the sky: it was high noon and the air is humid.

He was getting anxious when he saw a stream in which he immediately got off his horse as soon as he reached the bank. Dimitri was totally parched that he would drink from the flowing water in front of him but he hesitated thinking that it might be unsafe for drinking.

He then saw his horse as it already went past him to drink greedily from the stream. It reminded him instantly of a famous quote from Saint Seraphim of Sarov:

“Drink water from the spring where horses drink, The horse will never drink bad water…”

Dimitri immediately went over and knelt beside the horse to drink, his face just a few inches from the head of the lapping brute.

After only a split second, the horse stopped drinking and hurriedly left…

“Frog”


Someone just scorned you by calling you a “frog”.

And you responded: “You know what, you’re right, although there’s more to that: I’m a frogman. Either you forgot about that, or that blank stare on your face tells me you don’t have the slightest idea of what that is.”

Now, how badass can that be?!

photo from navytimes.com

Boomer Journals 7 – Mimicking Gunfire and Explosions As Kids During “War” Games


AnoSaiyo Toy Gun Wooden Boys Girls Rattling Sound Baril Barilan 90's Small,  Toys & Games, Toys on Carousell

Prior to smartphones today, we were never short of means of letting out that natural male aggression, especially the way that war games do.

We ducked and hid behind rocks and trees, all to the delight of our juvenile selves which inevitably irked our mothers especially when we go home with scratches, wounds, and soiled clothes. It’s almost always guaranteed that it will end up in countless “initiation” rites, where we kids were the recipient of the said initiations.

With nothing but makeshift sticks that doesn’t even need to actually resemble a pistol or long firearm, we “hunted” our enemies using our voices as fired bullets. Mind you, we even classified what type of firepower we had just by the mere sound of the gunfire.

‘Twas fun. It still is up to now actually. Although the fun evolved into funNY and is somewhat embarrassing to a certain extent.

Those experiences though, were all worth it to be archived in the album called “Childhood Memories”.


Different ways kids back then tried to mimic gunfire and explosions during “baril-barilan” (shoot out game):

  • A semiautomatic – BRATATATATAT!!!
  • Caliber .45 – TOG⬇️ SHAW⬆️!!!
  • A pistol with silencer – Psshhhhiw⬆️ Psshhhhiw⬆️!!!
  • Magnum 357 – BANG BANG BANG!!!
  • Fragmentation grenade – BOOOMMM!!!
  • Caliber .38 – BENG BENG BENG!!!
  • Shotgun – tsk tsk BOOM!!!
  • Rocket launcher (upon impact) – BOOONNNGG!!!
  • M16 – PRRRRT PRRRRT!!!
  • Nuke – KABOOOMMM!!!

Writers hold on to tomorrow despite the lack of assurance that they will ever see it


Not everything you write will rock. A lot of them won’t even make sense in fact. It doesn’t matter though. Because the only thing that counts is to embrace the fact that your writing will inevitably suck sometimes and there’s very little you can do except to get on with it and keep on writing.

And because some of a writer’s toil of sweat and blood will suck, he is not immune to heartaches and frustrations. But instead of succumbing to them, he musters his courage and strength to thrive on them and coexist. Sometimes, he gains the upperhand. Sometimes, he makes a cookbook out of hordes upon hordes of heartaches and frustrations and makes them his nourishment.

But a writer’s comfort lies on the thought that he can keep on writing even if what he wrote today sucked. Because tomorrow is a resemblance of hope that what he will write tomorrow will finally make sense.

Tomorrow.

Hope.

Another chance.

That’s the way I approach writing. I just hope I can approach life with the same hope and enthusiasm especially in times when nothing seems to make sense.

When pictures conjure feelings that can’t be put to words


I can write a bit to express myself. I’m ok with that.

But if there is something I envy the most from other artists particularly visual artists, it is the ability to express emotions thru drawing. Because up until today, I still cannot convey some feelings using words the way these pictures (among others) do.

So much for self pity. I hope I’d be able to draw like these in my next life, though.

Credits to Pinterest where these were taken.

En esta historia deku tiene un quirk, también un harem bien vrgs :v … #acción # Acción # amreading # books # wattpad
Inspirationally Sane By Art And Music  : Photo
The Garden of Words (2013) Phone Wallpaper | Moviemania

Sowing Seeds of Kindness Today and Reaping Our Saving Grace Tomorrow


Sowing seeds of kindness is like building oases in this arid wilderness of life. The magical thing about these providential zones of solace is that we run into them more than once in our lives. And in most unlikely situations, we are blessed to come across the same people who were beneficiaries of our selfless acts of kindness. Only this time, we are at the receiving end of their generosity.

And even if we never meet again the very people who we extended our kindness upon, that loving deed no matter how simple will never be destroyed nor lost in oblivion. Just like energy, it will eventually find another tangible form and will greet us once again with a pat in the back like a long lost friend or brother.

Take time to appreciate people who had been kind to offer you an oasis of rest and refreshment during the heat of the day or a safe haven of renewed hope in a quiet evening.

How many oases have you been able to build?

(If this finds anyone who had been kind one way or another, I wish to extend my heartfelt “thanks”. A grateful heart will never forget.)

Boomer Journals 6 – Washing Dishes With Pail and a Makeshift Dipper


We were having problems with our subdivision’s water supply. Whether it’s scarcity from the supply line or mismanagement in the distribution, only heaven knows how pissed we already were. The word ‘pissed’ by the way is already a watered down understatement of our mounting frustrations.

I felt the brunt of the unpleasant experience one night while washing the dishes using a plasticware for a makeshift dipper and a pailful of water saved the other day. While I was able to tame my grumbling self, I failed to do the same for my legs and my back brought about by standing for too long while looking dejectedly at the open, dropless faucet.

And tomorrow came.

Hopeful though I was with the dawning of the new day, I abandoned all hopes of having a running water in our tap.

Then evening came.

The dreaded moment of washing the dishes with a makeshift dipper and a pailful of water is mocking me right in my face once again. But before plunging into foretold misery, I opened the faucet with my eyes narrowed anticipating for the worst.

But lo and behold, water came out where I was expecting air! This was another instance in my life where I felt so good having my expectations proven wrong.

No more dipping tonight. And tonight, I told myself, I’m gonna be washing soap sods off kitchenwares on running water.

Suddenly, something dropped onto the plate I was holding. It was only then that I realized I was in tears. I was so fucking happy that I cried.

Writing disorders


It happens to all mortal writers.

It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when. These “disorders” are common to all writers whether he is experienced or an amateur.

  • Diaryhea – impulsive-compulsive writing disorder due to sudden burst of ideas oftentimes coming out of nowhere. Indication includes scurrying around looking for any medium possible such as toilet papers, receipts, phone, or anything within arms reach to jot down ideas while they can still be vividly recognized. Failure to do so often results in psychological conditions such as regret and depression.
  • Constipation – when the mind clogs due to unprocessed ideas not written immediately. Analogous to a hanged computer due to overload of data and commands. The problem with this condition is it eventually makes the writer “explode” which explains why some of his outputs are a chain of rubbish before coming up with something worth reading.

In moments of which, there is only one prescription. It’s hard and uncomfortable but it needs to be done anyway if you do not want inactivity to undermine your soul:

Just write.

First thing a writer should learn is how not to give a fuck


Image result for dont give a fuck
ctto

What you give yourself and what you think you are giving them

A few likes and occasionally, some comments. It doesn’t matter. Maybe it did before, but it hardly has any potent impacts to the stubborn writer in me anymore.

I’ve been writing for around 7 years already in this semi-private blog. Semi-private because of the number of my readership is analogous to the number of people reading a private person’s diary. Despite those dismal views, blogging never came short of a variety of personal experiences for me as a writer. I’ve had some occasional highs when there were a lot of interactions and a whole lot of lows when nobody seemed to care at all about how I feel based on what I’ve written.

But I’ve already learned to deal with it despite that there are still a lot of instances that I got pissed off by the indifference of the world. Practice makes perfect anyway, right? And I’ve gotten used to the fact that in most of what I’ve written, they were met with deafening silence except for occasional swarm of crickets, both in this blog and in my social media accounts.

Well, that’s your audience’s choice. Remember that no response from them is also a form of response. After all, you are responsible for your self-expression and the things that make you sane, not them.

With the exception of course if the mode of that self-expression involves breaking a law or endangering the life of your fellow. You know what I mean. So if you’ve matured enough as a writer, you should’ve finally realized that it’s not the likes nor the comments why you were writing in the first place: and that is to regularly try to calm the raging storm within you by channeling it so you bleed ink instead of bleeding your lifeline.

What they actually receive

It is one thing to be able to express yourself. How it’s going to be received is completely another story and something which either you have very little control of or something that you can totally do nothing about.

People can only interact as far as their level of comprehension is concerned. Your ideas, grand as they are, if they land on a mind that is incapable of nurturing grand ideas, then it is most likely that they will be met with scorn, like throwing pearls to the pigs.

There are however, objective readers who are mature enough to temporarily set aside their biases in order to see your point. They can further improve your initial ideas by pitching in their objective observations or healthy criticisms. And then there are those who will opt to see what they only wanted to see in what they are reading. Hence some comments may seem like they enjoy what you have written but in reality, what you wrote just reminded them of something funny or remarkable from their past experiences which sometimes is not totally related with what you said. (Talk about getting elated when you thought you finally got your message across, only to find out that they completely missed it by a mile!)

There are those who will tell you how much you suck, oftentimes devoid of explanations whatsoever. You will never be good enough and nothing that you say or write will come at par with their insatiable “exquisite” standards. Good luck if you wish to persist in trying to impress them nonetheless.

How people react is a mirror of who they are inside. Most of the time, it’s not you who have a problem. It’s them and you can do nothing to change that. So it would be wise if your happiness is not dependent on how your audience will react. Because doing so almost always ends up tragically.

So shut up and just fucking write!

There’s no other way to put it best but to just fucking do it. If you can’t help but be bothered by voices outside of your self, don’t fucking write at all. In trying to improve yourself as a writer and a person, it is inevitable that some people will get offended by whatever reasons. So be it. Think of yourself getting better in the process and the other person who will benefit from what you’ve written. You’ll never know. Someone might be badly in need of what you have to say.

Write for those who are silent, those who will not give a like or leave a comment, and even those who will not likely speak with you face to face. They may deny you as the writer, but they can never deny the truth and the connection it made with their souls.

Regarding the critics, look at the light of what they are saying. If it makes sense, improvise. If it does not in anyway benefit you, shut out the noise and let them howl ’til kingdom come. It isn’t criminal for them to yak their brains out but it isn’t their right to impose anything on you either.

It’s either your growth or, your perceived “sanctity” of the opinion of others. Choosing one would neglect the other. It’s your choice to make.

Lessons learned while walking on eggs


Image result for walking on eggs

Recognize those who stood by you through thick and thin. They are the so-called angels in the outfield. They are the ones who are worth sticking with.

But you should also acknowledge that not all people would be willing to lend a genuine helping hand.

There are those who will remain silent when you have done something worth of a pat on the back or at least some simple words such as “keep it up”. While some may appreciate any form of cognizance of their efforts, there are those who prefer to avoid the spotlight and opt to just work in the corner, relatively unknown like an essential cog in a complex machine. They are more happy and fulfilled that way.

And the same people who were mostly silent on your share of good times with them, would be the quickest to cry for your crucifixion the moment you commit the slightest, even trivial mistakes which would have been easily resolved by a simple talk. Instead of helping you out as an initial reaction, they conspire against you to come up with all the “just” reasons why you do not fit in which is enough to get you kicked out.

Beware of such people because they are the ones who don’t want to have anything to do with you. They will stay silent during still waters but they will be the first to throw you overboard when the slightest tempest rocks the boat.

“Sir, I’ve Come to Tell You I’d Marry Your Daughter…”


ctto

(Circa February 2017)

I come in peace sir. I did not come to stir trouble, albeit I cannot guarantee that I can leave your emotions untouched.

I must admit that you’ve done one hell of a job raising Yen sir. She’s intelligent, spontaneous, lovely, responsible, emphatic, and very passionate with what she does. I know she was and still is your princess, and the way you treat her is like she’s the next best thing in life before life itself.

And so here I’ve come to tell you that she is now my princess and my life too. And this time I’d want her to be my queen.

I know you have been dreading that a day would come when a whacko would come to face a multi-decorated life veteran like yourself and ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage.

And yes sir the day has come and that day is today. And I am that whacko in front of you.

I’d have to hold her responsible for what I’ve become though. I‘d say that it’s pretty much her fault I became that whacko because she turned my life around. I’m not a drifter before we met but I’d say that things went falling in their right places when I met her and I can’t believe what I’m actually seeing that I thought I was going crazy.

Turns out yes, I’ve become crazy. I am totally crazy about her.

Yen’s the answer to my prayers sir and I know deep within that I would end up in an insane asylum if she doesn’t become my lifetime friend and partner and the mother of my children.

She had been my saving grace and my last reason to keep believing when there’s nothing left to believe in. Sure she can get overbearing sometimes, nagging, and ultra critical but I’d still want to marry that part of her nonetheless.

I feel fear as of this moment sir. Not because I’ve done or I’m about to do anything wrong to her, but because of the thought that I’d have to meet her hero in person.

But please don’t take it against me if I say that there’s something more frightening than being here in front of you right now – and that is to live my life without Yen. And as such I decided to muster every ounce of courage in me to face you and the entire army before you and ask you to please accompany Yen to exchange vows with me in front of the altar.

I love Yen so much sir. She means my life to me. She is and will always be the embodiment of joy in this world. She’s the one who proved to me that love is more than just an ideal concept portrayed by media and printed on paper. And nothing of these would have been possible without you showing her first the essence of love and what it means to be loved when she was yet a little darling in your arms.

Please allow me to love her for a lifetime sir. Please allow me to be a part of your circle that protects her, loves her, cherishes her, and nurtures her wonderful unique personality.

I am looking forward to seeing traces of you on our mini-versions that will fill our humble home with love and laughter. I would also like to ask you sir to please help me become a good father to our future children just like how you are right now with her.

Would you please say yes, sir? Dad, please?

You Are That Pearl


“Know your worth.”

Associate only with people who knows how to value you, including those who genuinely helps you grow.

And when people disrespect and undermine you such that you begin to question your value, learn to discern whether you must stay and fight for what you deserve or to just turn around and walk away.

Never, not even for a second, look down on yourself in the same way that they look down on you.

And spare your soul by not wasting yourself to those who do not appreciate. Even the Bible is very clear on this as it was written in Matthew 7:6 (NIV) “…do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet…”

You are that pearl.

Read that last line again but this time substitute “I am” for “You are”. Read it again. Slowly. Regularly. Forcefully.

Boomer Journals 5 – That One Downside of Learning to Play the Guitar


How to Play Acoustic Blues Guitar – Berklee Online Take Note
credit goes to whoever owns this photo

The type of voice that I envied when I was younger was a deep bass voice. I thought it would have been much cooler rather than this baritone, especially when in a choir.

By the way, is it at all possible to train your voice to reach a lower range? I thank heavens that I didn’t have any of it if ever there were such lessons.

Then I learned to play the guitar. I never attained the caliber of Kirk Hammet or Slash by the way, despite that I’ve been aching for a kick ass talent such as theirs. But I can proudly say that I’m much better than someone who just started to hug the six-string.

Videoke would have been perfect but it wasn’t that common back then. Our only access to music was either by radio or Walkman. Or by means of a six-string which I immediately indulged myself into. 

I thought it was already cool to be able to jam with a six-string, to sing and all that, be it in a crowd or in one’s alone time. I was even able to enhance it to a certain extent.

And then I discovered a problem. It wasn’t a big deal at first but it had been bugging the hell out of me ever since for years:

I couldn’t sing most of the songs I love in the same pitch as the original singer’s. If I ever do finish a song, it is with a lot of difficulty. That difficulty I attribute to playing the guitar.

Why? You see, there is a standard tune for the key of C, for example, which of course you will never be able to tune your guitar into unless you have a tuned piano nearby. In most cases, people (me included) don’t care at all if the key of C isnt the same as the standard so long as you can enjoy the moment and cajole the instrument to your heart’s content. So the pitch where you sing the song becomes totally different from the pitch of the original.

And only when you sing along with the radio or in a videoke will you realize that you’ve been duped into believing that you can sing like Steve Perry. Depressing isn’t it? 

Maybe if I just focused all my juvenile energies back then trying to improve my range instead of learning to play the guitar, I now would have been singing ala Moriuchi Takahiro, Brandon Boyd, Zach dela Rocha, or the front man of the attached video, eh?

Boomer Journals 4 – Cartoons er… Uh-nuh-meis


Hajime No Ippo Chapter 1309 Release Date, Recap, Spoilers, & Where to  Watch? - World-Wire

You got caught in the gut.

You swore you saw that coming, the famed diabolical fist emerging from the side. At first, the sight of his right cross was nothing but a mere pathetic weather disturbance. But in only a split second you know fully well that it will turn into a category IV hurricane which devastates everything it landed on based on history. And now it’s headed in full force towards your defenseless midsection.

For a fraction of a second you inhaled, in an attempt to stiffen your core to hopefully mitigate the resulting damage from the incoming devastating blow.

Then his fist made contact, and it was much more powerful than the hell you expected it to be. Suddenly there was a vacuum out of nowhere. All the air stored in your lungs got sucked away in an instant. And that vacuum now threatens to suck your soul as well, like a blackhole tearing piece by piece his captive star, an unfortunate unwitting victim who dared to cross the event horizon of no return.

As your legs buckled, you started to go down. Your eyesight fading slowly. You saw your opponent grinning, cocky sure that he finally put your lights out as he bid you his final ‘sweet dreams’.

You are sure as hell to hit the canvass any second from now. Strange but you momentarily forgot the pain from the impact until you realized you’re caught in a flashback. Once again you saw the reasons why you decided to turn pro: your mom, hands together praying for your safety; your siblings expecting the championship belt from you; and the instance you finally decided to own your life and become the warrior you always envisioned yourself to be.

After like an hour of being suspended in mid air, you decided it was too soon to give up. Suddenly, your legs regained their strength that once again established your balance.

On your way up, your right fist started to launch like a rocket, accelerating from zero to devilish speeds in a split second. Your opponent whose feet were grounded in fear upon seeing the dead rise again, can only gasp in horror as you gave him a dose of his own medicine when you hit him with all you’ve got in the midsection and throwing him five meters from you in the process, his body giving a loud thud as it kissed the canvass good night. 

There he lays on his back, oblivious to the ten counts of the referee and hands waiving in the air signifying that it’s all over. Panting hard, you still can’t believe you came out of that alive and yet you were there, finally a title holder and it wasn’t a dream!

X – X – X – X – X

It’s hilarious recalling these moments from this cartoon [relax, triggered weebs and otakus, it’s “uh-nuh-mei” right? XD]

But it sure brings back good old childhood memories, including the opening sound track. Who says only American rock can only produce this much hype? You’re missing out if you don’t get to hear J-Rock! 

Stepping Stones


In order to go sky high, you first need to experience how it is to fall down south. Hard. It’s inevitable as gravity itself.

With much ado and denial, we painfully learn as we look back that there are no such thing as shortcuts. It’s a universal law that we have to undergo step by fucking step: we will suck at first, then manage to stay afloat, and eventually excel.

After all, there is no such thing as failure as the saying goes. Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn.

The beloved sons and daughters of Mephistopheles

Even those who caused us unimaginable heartaches have so much to teach us. Yes, including those who perplexed our souls such that we started to question why on earth was murder considered a sin in the holy scriptures in the first place.

And we have to realize that just like circumstances, these people, which we were certain to be related by blood with Mephistopheles, were sent to purify us, and were meant to prepare us to become our best selves that we are today.

A much more fun presentation

Stairway to Heaven | Portions Library | Torah Portions

Okay, if you’re not at all consoled by all that cosmic shit, you can put it this way: instead of stepping stones, treat it as if you’re stepping on the necks of all the assholes, and dickheads, and bitches who gave you a hell of a time.

Imagine them all lined up, their necks serving as your footstools as you ascend your path from the abyss where you came from up to the dizzying heights where you are right now.

And rather than quickly ascending to your culmination, imagine that you are dancing on your way up, angels singing and clapping on either side, while you are taking your sweet time jumping and spinning and going to the next, just before the previous “footstool” gags.

Test results

Time for a pop quiz:

Tom Hardy webs up a Venom behind the scenes featurette video

If the above presentation caused you to salivate that you drooled the way Venom does, obviously you should keep on searching for that elusive inner peace.

But if you just chuckled a bit and told yourself that you are exactly where you ought to be and that everything that transpired was meant to strengthen you including the people who prematurely put you through hell whilst you are still alive, well, you finally upgraded to a whole new level. Keep that fuck up!

INFJ Pisces Characteristics


eyesmelikeapisces Instagram posts (photos and videos) - Picuki.com

(Copied from a Facebook comment. It just hit home that’s why.)

INFJ PISCES – An INFJ who is Pisces probably spends a lot of time immersed in the sea of their imagination.

The INFJ intuitive qualities will likely be more pronounced and the dreams they experience are vivid and full of symbolism and metaphor.

This person is probably highly creative and sensitive with a tendency to take things very personally.

The INFJ Pisces is deeply compassionate and they possess a sage-like wisdom and spiritual insight that is valuable to others.

Their naive and impressionable natures make them more susceptible to falling prey to the guiles of dishonest folks.

They may have difficulty observing things objectively and get blinded by their idealistic vision of what they hope to be.

INFJ Pisces is very tolerant and accepting but they may not be great judges of character.

They may be particularly subject to mood swing and bouts of depression.

They can fall victim to self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

They may need the influence of a more dominant personality to keep them in check and nurture them with positivity and love.

The INFJ Pisces is hard to pin down and can be like chameleons taking on the qualities of the people around them.

They tend to absorb other’s energy both negative and positive and so it is especially important for them to stay away from toxic people.

Kulas de Malas


It is believed that the noise created by fireworks and other merry making means during Christmas season and especially on New Year’s Eve can ward off bad luck or “malas”.

So if you’re wondering why on earth does your neighbor’s blaring speakers are aimed towards your house all year round, do understand that he’s just trying to make sure that, well…

The Return of the Crowd of Grumblers


credit goes to the owner of the photo

“Maski mga di binaha nakipila tapos sila pa yung mareklamo.”

So went the post in our subdivision’s homeowners Facebook page referring to what happened during the distribution of relief goods through the local parish. Luckily, we’re in a certain part of the subdivision which was left untouched by floods due to the previous typhoon. For some reason, even our neighbors who were not directly affected by the calamity nor desperately in need of relief goods were present during the distribution and they were the ones being referred to as the grumblers.

I wondered why of all people present, those who were more fortunate were the ones who had the gall to grumble and behave as entitled brats instead of responsible adults.

Sure everyone has his/her own reasons why they were present in the queue. Perhaps their supplies at home were already low or they have financial difficulties. But the grumbling part, well, I don’t know how to make sense out of which.

One possible reason that I can think of is people expect equality over equity. Regardless of the situation and individual circumstances, everyone should receive equal items. That means anyone should receive the same grocery and relief items as everyone else. The severely affected could have been given something more and better if those who can still manage will yield for their less fortunate fellows.

Another plausible explanation is, because they may not have yet experienced how to be humbled by any experience, disaster or otherwise, in which you will consider everything given to you as a blessing and gratitude is the only fitting response.

It was only then that I fully understood what Pope Francis meant when he said giving is not enough. We also have to experience to be on the receiving end and that is to receive humbly and graciously from both God and people, with no grumbling involved.

Fuck The Soulmate Mentality!


Heart Shaped Necklaces For Couples-you Complete Me Sweet Heart | Heart  shaped necklace, Relationship necklaces, Necklace for girlfriend

Love with our significant other is like a heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle made up of two pieces. And due to the novelty of our experiences together, each puzzle piece have intricate, unique patterns that can fit perfectly to only one piece.

But what people fail to realize is that  it’s not just a trial and error fitting spree. It involves the painful process of refining the edges, cutting an edge to accommodate the other piece, and extending some parts to fill the gaps of the other.

The interesting thing is, this gap that we’re trying to fill in order to piece together this puzzle, is dynamic. Such that, the patterns change in our lifetime and thus the process of cutting, welding, and grinding are perennial processes necessary to keep the love puzzle in perfect fit.

Moral of the story? FUCK THE SOULMATE MENTALITY!

Praise Aleluya!


Horse Rider on Cliff Silhouette. Silhouette of a horse rider on a cliff at  sunse , #Ad, #Cliff, #Silhouette, #Horse, #Rider, #cliff #a… | Horse rider,  Horses, Rider
“Jeez! What’s that word again?!”

A man is receiving instructions on how to navigate with his peculiar newly-bought horse.

“When you want it to move, say ‘Praise Aleluya!’ And to stop, say ‘Aamen’ got that?”

“Roger that,” said the man and shouted “praise aleluya” and got his horse galloping in no time.

“Aamen, Aamen,” the man said testing the “breaks” pulling the horse to a complete stop.

“Cool!” he muttered to himself.

And so the man, to his joy, traversed through the meadows with his horse lost in his thoughts about his good fortune, when he realized that he’s heading right straight to a 200-foot cliff.

Panic-stricken, the man desperately tried to remember the word for stop when suddenly he managed to shout “Aamen!” just in time for the horse to stop in it’s next step into the jagged rocks below.

“Whew!” cried the man in relief while holding high his right fist. “I know I count on You.

And I can never thank you enough Lord. PRAISE ALELUYA!!!”

Boomer Journals 3 – Power Outages Expose the Buck Nakedness of Our Souls


Why Did My Power Go Out? Four Ways the Grid Can Fail and Cause an Outage -  Union of Concerned Scientists

A couple of predicaments we faced the morning after a hell of a night of a ferocious typhoon: the lack of water and electricity. It would have been manageable if at least the water supply was spared even if the power is out. The typhoon however, had been too kind not to take one without the other.

So we had no water and no electricity. That’s fine. At least the roof stayed intact despite the sustained strong winds, flood never made it inside the house and most importantly there’s food.

But of course one must not get stuck on either feeling sorry or overwhelming gratitude. You gotta get going because life must, well you know, go on.

No H2O

Thankfully we had more than enough drinking water so consequently, cooking isn’t going to be an issue. Except that you will need something to wash the dishes, the “kaserola” and the “kaldero“. And(!), to flush the pungent toilet bowl saturated with piss. Not to mention the dreaded instance when you have to answer an urgent call from nature.

The good news though was that our neighbors from the adjacent village offers potable water. The bad news is, it was 50 meters or so from our house and I have nothing but sheer muscle power.

I can’t help but remember my childhood when I used to fetch water from a pump well, pail by pail until the 150 liters container is filled including the “kambong” or “tapayan“, an earthen drinking water container.

What Are the Best Water Purification Systems For Home Use? - Page 4
“kambong” in Iloko and “tapayan” in Tagalog

Those required serious muscle moments as well.

While I seem to reminisce those memories with relish, those were unpleasant but necessary chores essential to maintain the balance of everyday living. But even if it was uncool, they taught me a lot about the nuts and bolts of existence. Those were instances where you don’t have a choice but to embrace the suck that comes with it and utter expletives inorder to let off steam.

There’s plenty of time to do that anyway, while hauling water from a distance. If there’s one thing you will be proud to rediscover about yourself and humanity in general, it is the fact that we are natural polyglots when it comes to the sweet science of swearing.

No electric current

My phone’s battery went dead so I couldn’t keep myself busy online to temporarily forget about our misery.

I don’t mind that I didn’t know what’s happening online. I can live with that anyway. And besides, there are more pressing issues such as having dinner before dark and getting ourselves ready for bed before sundown in order to extend the life of a lone candle up until 8:00 PM.

We have trees all around our small house so humidity is not an issue. Mosquitoes are but a minor annoyance as well, thanks to our “moskiteros” which also serve as balms to our feet.

Netizens are talking About this “Medyas na kulambo,” Designed for People  who Can't Sleep Without Mosquito Nets on their Feet – PTAMA.NET

It’s been years if not decades since I experienced days on end without electricity. But at least I have those past experiences to tap into so I knew exactly what to expect. The kids however do not have anything at all except this one, their first time.

It’s tough to see them lamenting about our predicament. But at least they now have their first ever experience of what it feels like without power.

Those two nights were dark and quiet with only a few lit candle sticks illuminating homes in our neighborhood. Not eerie though but peaceful. Flashbacks of farm life flooded my consciousness where we had to go to bed before 8:00 in the evening. I got used to it before that I can say I enjoyed the dark, the sound of crickets, the stories needed to get us drowsy, and the company of family.

Finally – and there was light

It took three days and two nights before power was restored. The water supply however took more than a week after to go back to normal.

The momentary absence of electricity and water supply can teach a lot about ourselves. Yes, the absence of our basic comforts can be a blessing if only show our nakedness. We are closer to our souls when our attachments which we often mistook as our main identity and the end all and be all of our being, are lifted off our shoulders. For some, power interruption is enough to get their souls buck naked. For others, it would take more than that to expose their nakedness.

And then there was light, finally.

My reflections borne out of blackout and interrupted water service served me well towards another illuminated outlook at life as well as a short-lived entertainment. But of course, along with everybody else, this boomer was glad the electricity was back!

Boomer Journals 2 – Of Heaven and Angels


White coat | Nurse outfit scrubs, Beautiful nurse, Nursing fashion

Without cellular phones back in the days, what we’re left with to entertain ourselves most of the time is our imagination. They often come in handy, regardless if you’re asleep or not. Those momentary respites from reality can be disturbing but still something to be thankful for nonetheless, because they provided entertainment.

Just like that one time while I was driving somewhere in Cubao. I saw this chic, a beautiful lady behind the wheels. The mere sight of her casted a spell on me that I instantaneously followed her car. I just noticed a second too late as I was making a turn that another vehicle is speeding towards me, tires screeching, horns blaring, and all. And it was lights out after that.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the hospital. Things were a bit gray and I’m a bit groggy but I remember seeing mom by my side. She assured me that my attending physician is her personal choice and that I’d be alright.

Just as I was struggling to get myself together, the nurse in full regalia of an angel in white and the face and body of Aphrodite’s proportion entered and was headed towards me. And even as I am yet in delirium, I managed to ask her:

“♬♪Ale, nasa langit na ba ako?♩♪♫♬”

Boomer Journals 1 – Concrete Nails


Concrete Nails & Masonry Nails for Concrete and Other Hard Substrates

What irked the working man before, is the toughness of the concrete wall/floor. Because it entails blistered palms due to several hammer blows just to drive a concrete nail through it. 

What’s so stressful nowadays however, is you can’t even drive a concrete nail with a second blow without the freaking nail getting bent out of shape.

That’s how it used to.

When the going is unyielding just like the obstinate wall/slab, you don’t bend your stand and your principles on the first resistance. And there are instances when you have to stand your ground instead of taking a detour. In those times what you have to do, or what you have to be, is to be obstinate yourself.

Toughness like the quality that previous concrete nails exhibit, does not mean the absence of any traces of fear, nor the lack of doubts and tears. Toughness is staying true to the mission despite the fact that it may take more than one, tens, hundreds or even thousands of blows.

It’s about getting tougher and holding the line until you finally pierce that shit.

Damn modern day concrete nails…

#BoomerJournals

Too Much Attachment Can Fill You


Facebook | Buddhist quotes, Buddhism, Buddha quote

I knew it!

I just realized that I’ve been too attached once again while I was excitedly checking out another subscription I made to a Japanese learning website one evening. I wasn’t able to contain my excitement thinking how this new-found website might help accelerate my Japanese speaking and reading skills.

So I was there in my seat in front of my PC imagining myself in peace, completely absorbed in reading and shadowing.

But it was the exact opposite.

My firstborn was at my side muttering his dialogues out loud. My youngest was on a fit, demanding attention which made concentration totally impossible.

Fuck this, I told myself in frustration. I turned off my PC in spite of the aggravated tantrums in front of me.

My wife who just saw me snap asked me are you angry at us? No, I replied. Something is wrong, the balance is upset. Truly, attachment to things is the root of all sufferings. The less your expectations, the better. If nothing holds you back, nothing controls you hence you are free, I continued.

What are the things that I allowed to get a hold of me? Quite a lot actually.

Technical blogging attachment

I’ve been building technical content of my own.

At first it was meant to be a diary for my own sake. But after quite sometime, there were others who have benefitted from it as well. And aside from having a database to document my technical know-how’s for future reference, I figured I’d also want to make a difference that can inspire the next generation and be a part of the force that will shape a better future.

So I have to be better at work and in documenting technical lessons that come with it. It was fulfilling putting a rather heavy, boring, and nerdy topic into a discussion tantamount to a casual talk while drinking booze.

The trouble is, after publishing a technical article, there is this peculiar feeling of emptiness that leaves me drained and exhausted that I feel the need to decompress for two to three days.

And the funny thing is, it feels similar to depression. And that it can only be cured in time or after publishing/posting some notes or memes of topics that elicit laughter or mental calisthenics. Or, it can be cured when I finally figured out what to write next.

Creative writing attachment

If technical writing makes me a body without a soul, creative writing is what replenishes the body with a fresh supply of spirit in order to qualify as a living being.

But if I stay on this too long, I become a steady visionary – a chronic daydreamer, that is. There were instances that I’m engrossed and attached with my thoughts that I begin to loathe reality.

If my technical self takes over, I consequently neglect my creative self which again makes me depressed. And I’d eventually hate my self in the process for failing to quickly transition from my technical to creative self.

Learning 日本語 attachment

I don’t know why I’m still engrossed in learning 日本語 when, as I had been saying before, I am not even sure if I can ever go to 日本 at all to work and much more to live there.

And yet here I am still, struggling for fluency and for finding time to study. But nonetheless I am still persevering, driven by nothing but a calling from deep within and a strange fire that stubbornly refuses to go out.

Whatnot attachments

Those, and a hell lot more.

Sages of old in their earthly forms, I am sure, also struggled with earthly attachments. Why not? We’re but sojourners in this world and we all have our own shares of tendencies to get attached to something such as prestige, power, money, women, sex, to name a few.

And at some point, we have experienced that lacking feeling of all of those mentioned above, albeit to varying degrees. The challenge is to keep the balance as it tips indefinitely on one side at times.

Or maybe I just need to completely detach myself for quite sometime. That worked for me before, I hope it will work again this time.

When Moral Support Backfires


Men Giving Moral Support by gleetorade - Meme Center

In terms of acquiring motivation from all possible sources internal and external, in all your pursuits that you are passionate about, there are two things that you need to remember:

The bad news: You’re on your own.

There may be a lot of support groups, online and in physical groups like your club or your own family. The problem with this is that these shared fiery emotions once left untended will inevitably turn a blazing inferno to a dying ember.

You have to remember that other people have problems of their own to tend to, and that includes your closest friends and your very own family. The last thing that they have to worry about is for your motivation to stay intact. A lot of times you are on your own, even if you are within your support group. Your group can’t and won’t do EVERYTHING for you because there’s none other that will do the dirty work that needs to be done but you.

The good news: You’re on your own.

The bad news above given the right perspective really is good news in disguise. Because you are on your own, there is just you and you are enough. Of course you will be needing to equip yourself with all the tools you need to get better to get wherever you want to go.

The point is, upon realizing this, you already overpowered the thought that you need your own cheering squad for you to persevere especially when the going gets tough.

Without them, you still won’t give up, right? And will you stop doing the things you do just because your cheering squad ceased shouting well wishes for you?

Of course you wont. You are too stubborn, too naïve, and too busy to give a damn about anything that can hinder you from achieving whatever you want to achieve, which includes the finite and scarce resource of “support fuel” which you mistaken for an indispensable lifeline.

“There’s just you.”

If you’ve ever watched the first Kung Fu Panda movie, remember how Tai Lung (Shifu’s protégé) coveted the mythic scroll that will unleash great power to those who take possession of it. And it’s only in the end that it was revealed that there are no secret ingredients whatsoever. The scroll didn’t contain a genie or any lucky charm. It’s in the realization that there’s just you, and no one and nothing else.

This is not to discount the impact of motivation that one receives, in whatever form they may be and in whatever sources they might come from. I myself had been a recipient of receiving hope. Because hope is included in the gift called motivation.

But what can possibly cripple you is when you take that motivation as an “end all and be all” of everything, treating it as oxygen such that the absence of which spells the end of you.

There will come a time that you will need to be your own cheering squad, with no less than yourself leading that crowd.

You are not going to give up. Not even when people abandon you or when they become indifferent. Quitting is never an option because that’s not you, because you are more than that.

There’s only you and your dream. You don’t achieve it because somebody else is cheering for you. You achieve it because step by painful step, you are reaching for it until you finally grab it by the balls.

Similarities of the silent majority and the people who are just “done” in dealing with BS:


Here's all of your stupid bullshit back. I don't want it anymore. |  Drinking Ecard
  • They’ve already seen and weighed both sides.
  • They’ve already made up their minds early on.
  • They’ve already seen all the BS behind the smiling feces, errr faces.
  • They have X-ray eyes that can see through all the BS still going on.
  • They’re both silent and may only smile when asked or talked to. But it doesn’t mean that they’re stupid.
  • Can differentiate between the evil and the evil opportunists.
  • No longer engages in discussions/heated arguments against BS because it’s a complete waste of time.
  • They no longer care about the BS opinion/peddled lies of others.
  • Nothing that anybody else will say can change their mind unless it’s completely logical and consistent.
  • Knows exactly how to deal with BS and peddlers of misinformation.
  • Execute their decisions without second thoughts and in cold precision.
  • They’ve already transcended the opposite of love (which is hate) to apathy to those espousing BS.

Kindness is a Fucking Choice


The power of kindness | Why being nice benefits us all - Recent news  science and psychology news about happiness - happiness.com

Our actions, including how they affect others, don’t just depend on our overall attitude. It also depends on our circumstances, where we are not always in control.

Unfortunately, what people remember is how we made them feel regardless of any justifiable circumstances most especially if they ended up being hurt. And this is true in spite of our lack of intention to hurt anyone.

Being kind no matter what, except for situations that warrant a just reproach, is a choice we can take. Because one way or another, we had been a witness of how the simplest acts of kindness went beyond our expectations, transcended time and people, turned things upside down, and created unfathomable miracles in people’s lives.

Choose to be kind.

You, A Creation of A Higher Vibration


You
yes you,
a being
vibrating
at a
higher
frequency:
never bow
your head
nor be
ashamed
of what
you
posses.

I know
the pain
it caused
you,
how
it alienated
you from
the
very
crowd
with
vibrations
that
you
wanted
to be
a
part of.
But
instead
of
suffering
with
what
you perceive
as a
disability
and
limitation,
embrace it
and
wave it
like a flag.
Because
it signifies
your
sovereignty
and
your
freedom.

It isn’t
a status
that says
you
are
better
or
inferior
to everyone
else.
It is
far
more
remarkable
than that:

it
signifies
YOU!

Performing for Our Ultimate Audience


We are our very own grand audience.

This is what the universe wanted to tell us early on. But too often, this only becomes clear the moment we are ready to listen.

At first, we have to get preoccupied with our “practice” audiences, the ones we thought were the ultimate ones. Even if we vehemently deny it, we spend 95% of our energies trying to please them all: those who are genuinely interested to see our best selves, the ones who don’t give a damn, and those who grin the moment they see our imminent demise.

The reaction of our audience can get us hurt at times. And oftentimes, we label ourselves a success everytime they give us the impression of them listening. This is how we accord the opinion of our audience with tremendous power by making it a gauge of our success. Recklessly, we build the very foundation of ourselves using our audiences’ reactions. That is how harebrained we can get.

But that’s normal.

That’s a part of being human.

Despite of a lot of folks telling us to always observe and learn from the mistakes of others in order to not repeat them and get hurt, reality is, life is not a lesson in algebra that can be solved with a definite solution. Rather, it is an experiential one. You have to go through the painful process. To inevitably fall but to get back up better than the previous. No buts, no ifs, no shortcuts.

That’s what it takes when performing in front of an audience.

The important thing to realize is, these are but necessary preparations, a dry run, aimed at gathering our nerves, our guts, and the balls required before facing our ultimate audience: which is none other than ourselves.

母語 (Mother Tongue)


For this
unequivocal truth
my faith
doth rest:
my once unintelligible
soul’s commune
with the universe,
in a different language
in my true native tongue
will be
bared
unraveled
made known to me
and then,
I
shall
be
set
free…

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Staying True to their Calling, Wokes and Yellows Remain Consistent with Their Inconsistencies


In engineering, the way to assure that the design or the system works is through consistency. If the desired outcomes are consistently observed, the designer is assured of a peaceful night’s sleep.

At the start of the design process, it is expected that the output will be random and all over the place. That’s normal. Over time however, after a few iterations and calibration, a pattern will emerge. That’s predictability. It is extremely important because it is the only indication that the system or the design is working out fine.

The problem begins when the expected response becomes erratic after calibration. When that happens, it is certain that something is wrong.

The same can be applied to wokes and the Yellowtards. Their consistent inconsistencies that they are exhibiting are indications of hypocrisy, and double/triple even multiple standards.

They specialize in cherry-picking and moulding current issues to fit their narratives while ignoring facts that will tear apart their faulty arguments. You have to admire however, their persistence in making these episodes on social media on a regular basis such that the usual initial reactions of anger and eye-rolls can now be replaced with a grin and/or a chuckle.

One example of their hypocrisies are those who irresponsibly insisted on organizing rallies despite of them being fully aware that rallies are perfect grounds for transmission of the Covid-19 virus. Recently, they joined the popular cry to give the medical frontliners their much needed timeout to recharge.

Risa Hontiveros in a previous interview with Arnold Clavio cried foul over the sexism and “slut-shaming” of her fellow senator Leila Delima during the congress hearings, and yet she wasn’t able to utter anything sensible when asked about her reaction regarding Ronnie Dayan’s legal wife being hurt as the illicit relationship unfolded on national TV.

Defenders of the now defunct ABS-CBN franchise used emotional blackmail against the government particularly the congressmen on the alleged 11,000 workers that will be displaced. And yet these defenders were eerily silent when the network sought every means necessary to delay the just compensation of Weng Hidalgo. Same with the issue of technical personnel who filed labor malpractice against the network and won. Were there any mass gatherings conducted to air their support and to condemn the clear violation of their rights?

Some Catholic priests who allowed themselves to be prostituted by politics even wished for the president to get sick (and only God knows who else are on their wish list).

Those and a lot more, just to name a few.

The problem with being inconsistent, is that it raises red flags with sensible observers. Instead of making their arguments sound to convince the public, they continued to hurl insults to the majority (an overwhelming majority, based on surveys) by tagging them as “bobo”. And as such, they drove the final nails to their political coffins as the silent majority voted them out in the recent elections.

Disillusionment is but one of the many problems with having multiple moralities instead of calling a spade a spade whether it’s in ones’ favor or not. Another is you need to keep track of how you stand on different issues, which has become a constant stumbling block for Leni Robredo. And she drew a lot of flak already from the very people they desperately needed on their side.

That’s where we need to check our own biases and be consistent to call out what’s wrong even if it means confronting the very people who are on the same page as ours. This is especially true for the opposition and their woke supporters if they want to stay relevant and not be perpetually viewed as clowns and nuisance. Because inconsistency is a stink, an indication that something is rotten from within. And it isn’t something that’s going to help the country nor the Liberal Party’s dream of getting back to power.

Until


ctto

I stare intently at my dreams –

Until I end up loathing every bit of my here and now.

Until it hurts.

Until I bleed.

Until my bed is soaked like a wet sponge.

Until the entire floor turns crimson.

Until my slippers are taken by the current and they find their way out of the door.

Until I come back to my senses and realize that something hurts.

Until I realize that that something that hurts, is me thinking of what should be while lying on my bed doing nothing.

Until I realize that nothing will suffice to kindle my inner fire to get it back to life but to get the fuck off my bed and get something done to inch closer to my prize. What is that fucking something, exactly? Anything. Because anything’s better than nothing. It is said that when I start looking for it, it will start looking for me as well. I need to believe in that something.

Until I see that dream with my very own eyes. Tangible, and already in the present instead of being confined only within the bounds of my skull. Until I lay my hands on it. And take possession of which. But until then, I’ll take that first step forward and will keep on moving.

Until it hurts to move. Until I’ve reached my limit for the day. Until every muscle is sore. Until my brain starts to yell ‘enough!’ I’ll keep pushing through until it hurts. Fuck that hurt anyway. It hurts more just staring at my dreams and doing nothing to achieve them. I bet it will hurt less when I am mobile than when I’m static.

Until my dreams become my here and now.

Share


We learn things differently.

Some take it slow, digesting one lesson at a time. Some like a fast-paced tempo, voraciously gobbling things up as much as they can on one sitting.

Some prefer books. Others prefer electronic books, podcasts, videos, and whatnot. Some learn a lot in a group. Some learn a lot more when in solitude. Some find it more practical to learn from others. Some find it more effective to learn via a first hand experience.

We won’t ever find a one-size-fits-all solution. What is effective to others isn’t a guarantee that it will work for us. Because the only instance that you will learn something is when the learning materials, in whatever form they may be, resonate with our very own vibrations.

So don’t worry if you don’t feel the best out there. It isn’t a prerequisite before you find yourself worthy of sharing what you have. What you only have to do is improve the message and the messenger. And share.

Somebody is in desperate need for your message, whether it’s your art, talent, hobbies, or business. Share it. For you will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

And what you have may be somebody else’s lifeline.

Never deny anyone of their only lifeline.

Share.

What is the difference between a black hole and an asshole?


The chances of finding ourselves inside the event horizon of a blackhole is 1 in a billion while the probability of finding ourselves near an asshole is – well, it’s either we are sitting right next to one or we need a mirror to see the one…

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Mathematics of Procrastination


This is true for procrastinators: the amount of their free time is inversely proportional to their potential accomplishments. Expounding that argument, the less free time one has, the more he can accomplish. Conversely, one can accomplish less if he has a lot of free time.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Motel Exam


ctto

A motel owner and his receptionist in an argument:

“What, are you out of your freaking mind?! Why did you let them in when it’s already obvious that they are minors. And they’re even in their uniforms for crying out loud! Do you want to get us into trouble?!!!”

“They said they will be having an exam.”

“Exam? Exactly what type of exam?!”

“Oh, they said oral and fill in the blanks…”

“Annoying Dad” & “Annoying the Kids” Games


In the game of “Annoying Dad”, my firstborn continually upgrades his skills such that he always breaks his previous record. All he has to do in the game is – well, annoy me.

Don’t get me wrong. Children are a bunch of joy. Period. And part of raising them will inevitably involve moments that your only defense in order to maintain your sanity is to laugh at how they can trigger your nerves.

The game is one way obviously. There is only one giver and one very lucky receiver, and that’s me. That is until I finally figured out a way to level the playing ground.

Right after watching the evening news, I chimed in with the intro of a TV program a high pitched “UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!,” while key events from the previous episode are being replayed on the screen.

Embarrassed, he put both his hands on his ears while shouting for me to stop. But the more he demanded for me to stop, the more I chanted the silly “UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!,” until he finally ran away, his hands still on his ears while laughing and cringing, all at the same time.

Ooooh yeah!
Direct hit
Mission accomplished
One point for Dad.

To the fellow lost soul from hither yonder


Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well.

It’s comforting to know that whatever you’re currently doing, you are seeing another reality and perhaps living a similar or a different story altogether. I pray that it is a beautiful story. That flipside of reality in relation to mine must be very beautiful indeed, magical even. Is it really? Yep I do hope it is. Not that everything I have in here sucks but I’ve always pondered on what lies in there on your side, but you know, things here are mundane given this time of a pandemic. So if you are currently in a time of a great lull, well at least it’s kickass compared to dealing with a pandemic threatening to wipe out the population.

How am I doing? Fine I guess. Maybe because I finally found the courage to write you something instead of just floating around your formlessness in the bounds of my mind. I hope you wouldn’t mind but I’d really love to talk about how you are doing right now instead of flooding this precious space dedicated to you, of things about me.

So howdy? Having a nice adventure somewhere? How’s the weather? Happy people you have there? How is the other side of the world? May not be in this world that I’ve grown into but somewhere in the vast expanse of the cosmos.

I don’t think we still need introductions, do we? Finally we get to meet, so yep, here we are finally bridging the gap…

The only reason I know you exist is because of a melancholic piece that I am listening to right now. I am extremely certain that you are not only a figment of my imagination. You are not just conjured out of nowhere. Our past is tied, and maybe as such is our future. I know and believe that you already figured that out yourself a long time ago and that it pestered you in as much as it pestered me just as well. I’m sorry if the thought of me annoyed you for a lot of times. I too, am bugged by the thought that there is someone like you somewhere out there and I just cannot fully comprehend why. But I’m certain that someone is linked to my soul in which even quantum shit and all that cannot explain.

I know you are out there. I just don’t know where. Maybe it will remain as such until, well until who knows when. But if I were to ask God I hope you are currently in this world, at this very instance that I am keying all of this on my keyboard, offering a silent prayer to the vastness. Yes, to pray is all I can do even if it may just be another one of those doomed to get lost into nothingness, but I hope this small prayer of mine will find you and let you know that I am here, and I’m thinking of you. Yes I have you in my mind.

And I hope you are thinking of me too.

Each stroke of the key hits my soul, a different vibration, a slightly different twang that is yet to be discovered and added to the particle zoo. Can you feel it too? Does it send you the same feeling? The feeling of nostalgia, something pleasant but at the same time heart rending. Do you happen to know Stockholm Syndrome where you build some connection with your captors? The captor is this music right here. It is hurting me and yet I keep coming back to it to feel the hurt, because it’s only then that I can keep coming back to you to feel you.

I’m curious as to how you look. Flowing hair? Short hair? Fair complexion or colored? Bouncy or flat busts? It doesn’t really matter because I’ve already touched your soul as you already did to mine. I just hope I’d have a tangible face to remember, a face I can hold, a body I can share my warmth with, lips that I can press my lips with, a parcel of my soul so dear and so loved that I cannot really fathom how God blessed me with everything.

What’s giving me assurance is the thought that you are also thinking of me. Like myself, I know you can barely picture my face as I can hardly do to you. But I rest in the faith that we both are unconsciously longing to know each other. That time will come I know. And I know that you feel it too.

But even if I am longing so much to see you right now, I regret to say that I cannot take your hand right away and take you in haste to the stars. You see, I’ve already made my choices, and I am never gonna regret nor forsake them. But when my life is over and after serving my time, we’ll have our chance. I hope by that time, through God’s great mercy it will be our chance to be exclusive to one another.

But for now, even a glimpse of you will give me enough hope and faith to look forward to the next lifetime hoping that I’d finally get to meet you there.

Wherever you are right now, at the seashore, atop a skyscraper, overlooking valleys and mountains or great plains, please be strong. For yourself and for both of us. I know that someday, God would allow me to meet you finally. Maybe not in this world and neither the next. But I know there will come a time where we can fill each other with our essence and love. I cannot do so much but to write this to you while waiting for that blessed day that I will finally lay my eyes on you and we can hold each other. Two lost souls in the cosmos. Separated by distance or even time but connected with love and this melancholic melody.

It’s crazy but I hope I can catch some glimpses of you either in person, photos, or even in written pieces, because I know we would know each other by that.

Till then. Wishing I’d look into those eyes of yours one day and see all that love that had been waiting to bind us forever…

Something you need to know about your dad, or dads in particular


Nothing gets a man quicker to his knees other than the thought of his wife and children.

It’s not the imminent crisis ahead, and definitely not the adversity that looms before him. He can welcome them with open arms and a smirk on his face.

But when he realizes how helpless he really is when it comes to the assurance of providing and protecting his family, at present and in the future, is an entirely different story. Man is limited, and he knows it but is sometimes adamant to admit it.

In as much as he would like to cover everything for his loved ones, he realizes that he cannot. Yet he does it, nevermind that he misses by a mile for the sake of his family.

But he can do one more thing, the best thing that he can and the best thing he will ever do: pray.

There is boundless power unlocked by a mother’s prayer but a father’s supplications are no less potent. And he knows that.

Recognizing this, he will bend his knees and will implore to the Ultimate Infinity which is God Himself to fill the huge gap that he himself cannot fill.

Behind his brute strength and full masculine bravado is his need to commune and replenish himself from a greater power. God is his rock of comfort. And there he finds solace.

I Don’t Play Basketball, So What?!


ctto

With a height of 5’8″ they said I should have been a basketball player.

Should’ve.

I’ve already had enough hearing what a waste am I for having such untapped gift of height which is the envy of many. However, what’s more vexing are the words that are left unsaid: how lame am I for not playing basketball; that I am doomed not to have the prettiest cheerleaders for a girlfriend; Class B; the Beta male.

Succumbing to this standard definition imposed by society, I pushed myself to play basketball despite my awkward moves and maneuvers lacking skill and authority. I already knew back then that I didn’t have the natural gift that only needs enhancement unlike Lebron of today, or Iverson back then. But I enjoyed watching PBA, so I was thinking maybe, that was enough to begin with.

I persevered despite the frequent humiliation and taunting hoping I would amount to something.

One day, I played basketball with some peers. God knows I poured my juvenile heart and muscles into it. I thought it all went well, just another forgettable play until the following morning when my cousin told me that someone remarked that I looked pretty much like a cane toad when I jump during rebound or while shooting.

That’s it, I told myself with the finality of a death sentence. I’m done. I’m outta here.

To hell with the ball.

From then on I’d totally murder even the slightest thought of playing basketball.

Fast forward to more than a decade. I was already an engineer working at a construction site. I related this story to a friend the safety officer, a middle aged man who happens to have an Ilocano father. He has the skill in listening and full of wisdom. What he said next left me dumbfounded:

…you should have not listened to it. If you really wanted to play basketball then, imagine where you would have been right now if you just kept playing.”

How true.

I may not have qualified to play at a prestigious university or any professional basketball associations, but who would have known? Had I learned to shut people’s negative opinions towards me and persevered ’til I got better, maybe I would still be playing?

I have nothing against basketball, not even to those who found comic relief in my “freak show” version of playing ball. I still don’t play but I still do love watching NBA especially the finals where the action and drama blends into an intoxicating concoction.

This particular door to greatness may not have opened for me but the lessons I learned from such experiences are priceless:

  • It was a test on how much I wanted something and how much I was willing to sacrifice to attain my dreams. Basketball may not be for me but there are other stuff I achieved where my sacrifices were worth it.
  • Don’t give your switches to anyone. This was my big mistake. Despite the white noise and how much you suck as they think you do, don’t let it affect you. It’s you who will live your life and not them. You will never obtain everyone’s affirmation anyway, so might as well do what you think is good for you.
  • And lastly, it pays to be kind to everyone. You will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

Office Bullies


My officemates are hardcore bullies,
They litter inside my workstation,
They loiter inside my workstation,
Deliberately make all sorts of noises,
Have no qualms in disturbing me whilst I’m in deep thought,
Interruptions spark at their whims,
They climb my chair,
Take my pens and notebooks like they own it,
Drink my coffee(!)
Wrestle for mouse control,
Ruin my documents by “ambushing” my keyboard while I’m typing,
Press the power buttons of the AVR and CPU while I’m working,
Piss behind my chair –

It’s really tough being bullied while working from home.

Practice What You Preach


A lady saw a pastor whose right butt cheek is showing from his worn out jeans. When the pastor saw the disgusted reaction of the lady, he immediately turned his back. Completely appalled, the lady left. The pastor’s companion who is with him, saw it all, turned and asked his friend:

“Hey what’s the big idea?”

“Oh this (points to his exposed butt cheek)? Practicing what I preach.”

“Practicing what?!”

“What I preach. Which is why I willingly turned the other cheek.”

(ctto for the image above)

The Goddess of Tactical Interrogation and Cross-Examinations


Daddy and son, both cops, talking to each other:

Son: Dad, can you shed me some light on tactical interrogation and cross-examination?

Daddy: (without even looking up from the broadsheet he’s reading) You’re barking at the wrong tree son. There’s someone more skillful at that, better than anyone who wears the badge. Go and ask your mother…

“In God’s name, I command the fires of hell for your soul’s eternal damnation!”


Condemning, in accordance to one’s own biases in the guise of “doing God’s work” is never, not even close to God’s way.

Recall the story of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. Did Jesus slap their faces with the tablets of the ten commandments and ordered the Heavenly Fire to consume their wretched souls because of their sins?

No he didn’t.

Instead, He showed them love and forgiveness which led to their repentance and conversion, finally forsaking their old sinful ways.

Love, genuine love, is what will win souls and not the fear of the fiery lake of brimstone and sulfur. If we ain’t doing that, we should ask ourselves: really, who’s work are we implementing?

Wherever You Are – One OK Rock


Gonna be Japanese someday!

(Nevermind that the intro is with an icky similarity with Aiza Seguerra’s Pagdating ng Panahon. Once you get through that, all will be good I promise.)

I’m telling you
I softly whisper
Tonight, tonight
You are my angel

愛してるよ
二人は ひとつに
Tonight, tonight
I just to say

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now
I don’t need a reason
I just want you, baby
Alright, alright
Day after day

この先長いことずっと
どうかこんな僕とずっと
死ぬまで
Stay with me
We carry on

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

Wherever you are, I’ll never make you cry
Wherever you are, I’ll never say goodbye
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

僕らが出会った日は 
二人にとって一番目の記念すべき日だね
そして今日という日は 
二人にとって二番目の記念すべき日だね
心から愛する人
心から愛しい人
この僕の愛の真ん中には
いつも君がいるから

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

Wherever you are
Wherever you are
Wherever you are

Violence for no one in particular


Do exercise caution
When treading on my shadow
Lest it gobbles you up
And leave no trace
Whatsoever
Of your
Miserable
Existence

Never lay a hand
To where I’ve trodden
For they are full of neurotoxins
A quark of which
And you’ll be
Laid waste

And when you whisper
On my back
Never let
Those murmurs
Leave a trail
Let alone
Reach me
And neither
Should your words

They take no responsibility
They’re just passing
Like the wind
And they’re gone
Irreversible
Damage
Done

They will betray you
For they are fleeting
Fleeting
And they’re gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
In an instant
Poof just like that
Yet you will remain
To suffer
The wrath
In my hands

Don’t Talk to Me


Too afraid
To be vulnerable
Laughed at
Viewed with flaws
Mocked
Reduced to
Something smaller
Than the grand image
We see in the mirror

Who wouldn’t want
To appear awesome
His shit
All figured out
The ultimate idol
The envy of many

Or either we ask
The world
To mind its own
Fucking business
And for it to never
Give a fuck at all
Except to tread
Ever so softly

The façade
We all maintain
We make so great a fuss
With all our might
Futilely wishing
The respect and awe drugs
To perpetually remain
And keep us high and floating

Or that which
We have worked
For so long
Not letting anyone
Or anything
Not even ourselves
Destroy the
Old and familiar comfort

The scars we hide
Too afraid
That the other being
Before us
Will conjure
The ghost of the past
Out of our scars

Aversion of such
Is human
But to face them
Nonetheless,
Armed with all
The goodness
One’s heart can muster,
Is the virtue
Of the divine
Warrior god
That found
Its home within

The Man on Fire – A Tribute To The Black Mamba


The round leather
on fire
not put off
by any bounce
on the floor
or its sojourn in
mid-air
or hitting the boards
the rim
and eventually
the ring

One thousand shots missed
meant 10 thousand sinking in

The fire in the leather
borne of a flaming hand
from a heart ablaze
which can only come from
no less than the divine

That fire
might have
succumbed to the sky
but it found its home –

In thousands
Hundreds of thousands
Millions upon millions
Kindled
Ablazed
Always

Rest in peace brother

A Thousand and One Reasons to Be Thankful For


The Sun woke up
this morning
to see me outta my bed
Took over from the Moon
my sentry
the instance the Darkness
gave way to the Light
I exhaled yesterday
as I breathed in tomorrow
All revved up
my engine
in full chime
Ready to
take possession
of another
historic day

Change, Whether It Is A Friend or An Enemy, Is Completely Up To Us


ctto

In dealing with changes, we can:

  1. protest all we want, violent or otherwise, day-in and day-out, and
  2. pound the pearly gates ‘til kingdom come, begging for the inexorable change gods currently knocking at our doors to reconsider and be back on a more convenient time.

Or if we know better, we can stay calm instead of going bananas.

It is completely understandable if we are tempted to think we can argue with it and have our way in the end. But we know all too well that in offering resistance, we are only prolonging the agony, unnecessarily.

It is either we welcome change with flying fists up until the last ounce of our blood and die without seeing the dawn break, or, we can make a good friend out of that motherfucker.

Fortunately, we get to choose our battles. Let us then choose wisely, shall we?

Takki


Lakay: Apay siasinno mət dayta baru nga nubyu dayta anak mo Ribeyng? Kasla nagdulpət kən nagbuyuk mət ti langlanga na?!

Bakət: Anya kan lakay, baam kadin uray ta Amirikanu mət suna. Ti nagan na kanu kət Tim Macky T. Paul-Teet

Lakay: ‘Su mət lang a!!

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Screaming Sanctimony


A condescending attitude is often mistaken as piety. Removing that illusion however, will reveal hypocrisy at its finest, the main reason Jesus reproached the Pharisees for being like whitewashed tombs that are beautiful in the outside but filled with dried bones and rotting flesh inside.

Now that paints an ugly picture especially when viewed from the outside. Because in as far as witnessing is concerned, nothing comes off as a surefire “turn off” than a hypocrite pretending to be a saint.

If we as Christians are to convert the gentiles and bring the wayward sheep of Israel back into the fold, we should instead come from a place of love.

How?

Recall the story of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. Jesus did not cite the 10 commandments to condemn them right then and there of their sins, nor did He summon heaven’s fury to devour their wretched sinful souls. He instead showed love and mercy through forgiveness, as His standpoint which eventually led to their conversion.

Out of love came forth mercy and actions within the context of love.

But a condescending attitude is begotten from a sanctimonious “holier than thou” mindset. And that, is the exact opposite of our mission as children of God which we claim to be, which is to spread His message of love to a lost world.