It’s a surprise you’ve come to this random page. Well, many thanks to you for spending some time to see my humble page, so welcome, feel at home, feel free to let down your guard.
By the way I’m not new to blogging. I’ve been blogging for 3 and a half years now albeit I’ve stopped for
approximately a year couple of weeks already few months now but went back to writing in this semi-private blog to scratch that proverbial itch. The reason is that I’ve been blogging for the wrong reasons.
Let me elaborate: I’d be a hypocrite if I say I just blog for myself and not for other people. It matters that you read my thoughts and it’d be wonderful if you would kindly interact with me via your comments and emails. And there was the problem. Expectations. I thought if I blog my mind and heart out, I can get a lot of readership, comments, “friends”, and fame, and hopefully to monetize this blog.
The fuck I was wrong. Boy was I so fucking wrong!
It just dawned on me that I was just writing for the views, for the accolades hoping that someone would notice how fucking awesome this writer was. I was able to interact with a few albeit awesome awesome writers and it felt good and awesome meeting them in the mind. Until I fell into the trap of writing for my readers just to elicit their responses.
And it felt so lifeless looking at my blank email and wordpress page everday desperately waiting for that notification telling me that someone just so happened to press like or comment. And attaching to it my worth as a writer. Notwithstanding the fact that my blogging life has taken a lot of my time as a person and social animal (no I’m not fond of the crowd, but I’m a man of responsibility at home and at work) and the guilt that comes from the knowledge that I allotted a lot of my time chasing the wind.
Blogging can have the same evil such as social media.
I said I’d be back writing when I no longer blog or write for the wrong reasons. Not that I finally write for the perfectly correct reasons. Give me a fucking break. My body will decompose when I’m dead much like you. And maybe that’s what went wrong. I assumed I will be that perfect man with the pen just writing and blogging for the things in life that rock and never giving way to negativity and trying to be the jester everybody wants to be around with including the impeccable grammar of a doctorate degree holder in grammar.
But I’m not that. I can’t. I can do it but it’s like committing suicide living your writing life just to please people.
Yup, that’s what life is all about. A roller coaster one. You just have to choose your battles like how I choose mine. You can be enlightened here. You can laugh. You can get pissed that you may hurl your laptop or your pc out the window reading me. Welcome to life man, welcome here.
I am a man of contemplation. I am a structural engineer, more in his head and having a less cluttered mind. Here you can find my nonsense, my brilliance, and accounts and thoughts of a man living his everyday life the way he knows how. And I’m working hard not to be a slave to anything or anybody, not even to myself. Until I get sidetracked of course, and whipped back on track like a horse or a carabao plowing the fields.
In here, you can let your guards down, get yourself naked and just BE. No expectations, no white noise. Just be fucking BE.