Don’t be just a worthless slab of beef!

In the questions “what does it mean to be a man?” and “how does a life well lived look like?” there is but one common question to answer those:

Have you made improvements upon yourself to make someone else’s life better?

If you have answered no because you had been concerned only about yourself, your welfare, and your gain at the end of the day, then what does that make you? What do you have?

You’ve got nothing, nil, zilch, Z.E.R.O. Conversely, you have multiplied yourself with nothingness which of course yields you nothing!


Epic Fail


Kaopisina ko:

Sir nakasabay ko na naman yung kamukha ni Haruna kanina sa elevator.



Nagpapicture ka sana kasama sya, sabihin mo ‘miss, kamukha mo yung nasa Scandal, picture naman tayo…’


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Beware of the Person Who Treasure Experiences More Than the Relationship

They are the ones who wouldn’t settle because they feel that there is always a need for adventure, for something to happen: the ultimate mind-blowing experience elusive as understanding and enlightenment.

They’re not after a lifetime with anyone. They can’t stand the idea of that. They are always on the go searching for experiences that will make them complete.

Yep, that’s it alright. Their completeness and wholistic being depend on things outside of themselves which are the variety of people and experiences that they amass.





Annual physical exam namin sa opisina at binigyan kami ng mala-test tube na lalagyanan ng wiwi para sa urinalysis. Hindi yun ikinatuwa ng kapwa ko lalaking senior engineer.

“Napaka messy mangolekta ng sample.”

Yun ang reklamo nya sakin habang pababa kami ng building para magpa x-ray. Sinuklian ko lang ng tawa ang kwento nya pero sa loob loob ko e dinismiss ko lang yung sinabi nya. Anong messy? kako sa isip-isip ko. Siguradong nagbibiro lang to. Di naman nya siguro ibig sabihin na may iba pang hahawak ng lalagyan habang jumi-jingle sya?!

Tsaka, ano lang naman kung maihian mo ng konti yung daliri mo e ihi mo naman yun tsaka maghuhugas ka rin naman.

Nung matapos ko na lahat ng procedures at isasauli ko na ang accomplished form ay nadatnan ko sya sa malapit sa front desk na may isinusulat sa isang papel. Nung usisain ko ay nagsusulat pala sya ng ihuhulog nya sa suggestion box habang nagpapaliwanag sya na ang messy kasi.

Di parin ako makapaniwala hanggang ngayon na seryoso talaga sya.


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Nadi-Distract Ako sa Legs Mo


One of the perks of a senior engineer ay yung may ime-mentor kang mga graduate at assistant engineers. Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong wala akong preference sa pagtuturo sa mga chic newbies. Not that I’m digging my way into the inside of the darlings’ pants pero iba yung dating ng junior chic, di pa tinutubuan ng sungay, nakikinig, hungry matuto, at di nakikipagpataasan ng ihi sayo.

At syempre yung pamatay na smile na nakakatanggal ng pagod. Very worthwhile exchange sa piece of knowledge na nai-share mo.

Ganon yung nangyari sakin kahapon. Nga lang may additional struggle. Long legged sya, di naman sobrang iksi ng skirt pero kitang-kita ang magandang hubog ng hita at binti nya na medyo balbon.

Syempre di ko sya binastos.

Tingin lang ako sa mukha nya, sa malayo at sa computer screen in a random order habang  ine-explain ko ang mga concept behind sa susunod nyang tasks.

Pero sa tuwing nasusulyapan ko yung balbon, makinis at mapuputing legs?! Nakow, tang-ina naman oo…



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Valentine’s Day Banter

“Do you have a Valentine’s date besides me?” my woman asked me, she was at the other end of the line.

“None. There’s only you. I already have enough – “

“More. You have more.” She said cutting me at mid-sentence.

“I know. What I mean is I already have enough problem for a lifetime.”

Her laugh made it apparent to me that I emerged victorious in my word joust with the language guru.



No Monopoly

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We ought to remember that other people don’t have the monopoly of good fortune, characteristics and life skills to live decently and with dignity in the same manner that we don’t have the world’s entire share of misery.” – あの男の人名前ない


I Missed You

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I can’t help but turn my head with the same frequency as a heartbeat to your empty chair. I must’ve gotten used to seeing you there every time, which never failed to elicit a smile in me.

These past few days however, I still look your way despite that I am certain that you will not be in for the day. I don’t know. I have this insane feeling along with a silent prayer hoping that in one instance I’d be able to catch a glimpse of you, which will finally crack my lips open again with a smile.

Yes, it left me at the same time that you were gone.

And this morning I just couldn’t believe my eyes for lo and behold your seat isn’t vacant anymore because a beautiful soul so dear for both your chair and me came back! I may be the last person that you’ll notice as you came back but never mind. You’re back here now and that’s what matters most to me.

By the way, I missed you. I guess you already figured it out yourself, didn’t you? Welcome back baby.



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Detachment Thoughts


This is not an ego trip. Or maybe it is, it’s my blog anyway.

Life is a blank screen like what my blog description says above. But lately, I’ve been fooling myself that the things being projected in that freakin’ screen are real. But yeah, as such are life’s morbid jokes that hit you hard in the face as well as mine. It’s all but a manifestation that sometimes, (if not most of the time) the enemy is that handsome man in the mirror.

I’m not a dick though for most of my time awake. Ok I’ll cut the crap. Let’s just proceed…

Maintaining a façade whether it’s the genuine you or a must-wear mask, is a damn daunting task to carry on 24/7. It’s like the weight of the world on Atlas’ shoulders. You’re lucky if you can recognize the signs that you are at the verge of snapping like two tectonic plates sliding past each other and locked in an eerie, deadly silence before wreaking havoc. But for the most part, you would only feel that familiar feeling of like you are stuck in a rut, feeling restless and all that shit.

I’m not a boisterous type of guy if you’d ever get to meet me in person. That’s who I am to me and to everybody. But recently, I have a hard time hearing the hell out of me.

Receiving some accolades from someone for something I might have done right places so much weight on my shoulders that I go stuck up. Being given some thank you’s and great job’s sure are nitros that fuel me to become bigger and better, but getting good whatnots are kind of shackles as well that tell me I cant fuck up or else I’m done and gone.

During some rough times in the company when a project was put on hold, my defenses have been up, until now. Thought’s like “I did good, I’m not supposed to be the first one to go” or “no I’m secured here” with it’s false sense of security never leaves my mind. I cant help it, I have a gang to feed and take care of.

I may not be as intelligent as the people who won Nobel prizes but thanks to experience I think I can decently make it out of life alive a little longer before I’ll be broken into nitrates by my slimy fellas (which I hope would meet me 50 years from now! And yeah, I hope God would allow me to go that far.)

What I want for now is to just be, detached from labels such as the blogger, the senior structural engineer, the rockstar, or the-boy-who-cannot-fuck-up.

Life doesn’t always rock, I need to be occasionally reminded of which. We can strive and fool ourselves that life is ALL good although we know better than that. While we’re all praying that it wouldn’t suck, a great percentage of which will be in the rut, waiting to be sorted out and escaped from the bondage of a dead cycle.

Rock, rut, suck.

What I want now is to just be. Here at the moment. Nothing more nothing less, just the freakin’ me. So that I can stare at myself, and hear myself, and adjust accordingly.


Reinventing Ourselves


I am a bit in a rut this lately, stuck somewhere in a quicksand. Hopefully I can get out of it by bleeding again so here it goes. Again, the incoherence is evident. You’ve been warned alright…

Recently, there have been changes in the company. Some have gone ahead (resigned) while some seemed to have been streamlined lately in the lead office in the Middle East.

I told myself not to panic or at least not to worry but I didn’t get to hear myself. How can I assure myself that I have something that would keep my household fed? I think there’s no other way than to pray and strive to be bigger and better and wiser.

Where we had been busy a few weeks back such that there was a long time that my pen shut itself up momentarily, now there’s time to write my thoughts again which means I am not THAT busy anymore. Glad yes, glad to take a few days off and relax and just read in the office. But I’m thankful also that despite the busyness, it just means that I am doing something when a bit less than a half of the people here are on downtime.

I enjoyed it for quite some time before when some of the junior engineers came and asked me things about structural engineering. But when the questions dwindled and I kept on missing trainings conducted by my fellow seniors due to the deliverables at hand, I got anxious. I usually don’t care whether I’m left out of what’s in today but at work, I definitely don’t want to get left out.

Times are changing and so should I, I figured.

The same scenario with my woman. Before when we don’t have kiddos yet we have all the time for ourselves but now we barely have hours of just solid talking. Not that I feel bad having some additions with our original crowd of two.  But for our relationship to grow and cope with all the changes and the current demands, and any other relationships for that matter, something has to be done. And it’s not giving up something but rather doing something more to get out of the vicious cycle.


In order to catch up with the changing seasons, we need to reinvent ourselves from time to time. This is not to totally come out as a different person. Reinventing one’s self is such that I can cope with the changing of the seasons but at the same time standing firm and true to my core self. Ah the paradox once more. I hope you got what I mean though.

What does reinvention looks to me? I don’t know any tangible steps yet. I need to tell myself to shut up first before I can hear myself again.