Leaves of Autumn

I will whisper it
to the autumn leaves

I will tell them why
the trees slumbered in a lullaby
I will reveal to them
how all tears have gone dry
it was when
you promulgated my verdict:
“good bye”

It was still the sunshine’s reign
as I recall like ‘twas but yesterday
but before I can brace my self
for that mortal dagger
driven to my chest
the chilling sun
and the freezing moon
started to sing a melancholic tune

Nurtured in the soft breeze’s caress
and nourished in dew
brought forth colors
that are changing in hue
for what seemed the start
of a colorful show
marked the end of the summer glow

what else is there to say
but to let the light leave with the day
and this darkness that had befall
be there to stay while bells they toll

I will whisper its dismal moan
to those in twigs still holding on
oblivious to the truth
that it won’t last for long

I will whisper it
to those caught in midair
as they drift farther and farther away
from their beloved they just left bare

I will whisper it
atop the mounded heap
which to earth
did terminally cede

fool’s show it is indeed
for the varied colors that abound
speaks loudly
of the end
without a sound

The Piercing of Teresa

Duty-bound
I came to execute
The verdict of Teresa
On that appointed eve

Like a soft breeze
Pounding the curtains
I entered unseen
As a pup she laid
Duped that her
Satin and laced sheets
Would get her covered
From the judgement
That would befall her

Then braced myself did I
To enforce her sentence
Cold and swift

Arrow in hand
Steadily aimed
Dug deep in her skin

This I did
Over and over again

Instead of her body
Limped
And eerily silent dead
I heard
Her forceful
Muffled
Shriek

As the steel bored deeper
I heard a
Slapping sound
Squishing
Steady
Periodic

Was I amused
Where the blade had been
Not a trickle of blood
Nothing did I see
But it got more crimson
Like ripe tomatoes
Begging to be picked free

I turned to her face
Contorted it was
Her eyes blocked the faint light
Mouth’s an open vessel
Begging for the rain to trickle
In the dead of the night

Changing For The Intelligent Lady

I must admit that one of my motivations in my quest to become an analytical writer instead of an emotional one is because of the intelligent lady that I’ve been mentioning here.

This commenced when she stopped reading me altogether. And perhaps one reason is my excessive use of argumentum ad hominem and emotionally-charged tirades in some of my posts. You see, in the realm of the intelligentsia I’ve learned that the use of such kind of arguments lower the quality of the discussion. Emo in itself is an unwanted guest unless it is backed by irrefutable facts. I just felt that she doesn’t want to be entangled with such kinds of hollow discourse and to people and writers who dumb down the discussion. And she may have seen me as someone not at par with her intellectual chakra and preferences.

Will this matter to her? Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter to me? Hell yes. But why?

My awe, respect, and admiration towards her never left me at all. And aside from that (which is again obviously emo in themselves) I also want to up my game a notch. I want to be able to deal with people of such intellectual prowess without wallowing in self pity and complaining about my perceived self inadequacy. I want to be able to speak to them squarely with my head unbowed. I want them to be unable to resist discussing things with me because they also want to hear my opinion. I want to improve and be a part of the class A, the cream of the crop, the elite. And I wont get there if I keep thinking I’m an outsider. To lift yourself, you have to dream of becoming better. You have to BE the one you dream of becoming. Because I am. Thanks to Jolens, that dream busted the idea of a better me out of my head, and made me very uncomfortable enough to get me to take action and grab that dream by the balls.

And if I may, I want to end this with an emo note.

I liked her and I like her still despite that I’ve only known her based on reading her personal accounts. Her magnetic waves are at the perfect frequency when it hit me home, all in the right places. I am no less than attracted to her cosmic magnanimity and enigma. I did and I still do. Although it evolved into something else, I just cant find the succinct words to describe it. And my feelings for her have become one big jumbled mess that is still behind my full comprehension.

Boomer Journals 4 – Cartoons er… Uh-nuh-meis

You got caught in the gut.

You swore you saw that coming, the famed diabolical fist emerging from the side. At first, the sight of his right cross was nothing but a mere pathetic weather disturbance. But in only a split second you know fully well that it will turn into a category IV hurricane which devastates everything it landed on based on history. And now it’s headed in full force towards your defenseless midsection.

For a fraction of a second you inhaled, in an attempt to stiffen your core to hopefully mitigate the resulting damage from the incoming devastating blow.

Then his fist made contact, and it was much more powerful than the hell you expected it to be. Suddenly there was a vacuum out of nowhere. All the air stored in your lungs got sucked away in an instant. And that vacuum now threatens to suck your soul as well, like a blackhole tearing piece by piece his captive star, an unfortunate unwitting victim who dared to cross the event horizon of no return.

As your legs buckled, you started to go down. Your eyesight fading slowly. You saw your opponent grinning, cocky sure that he finally put your lights out as he bid you his final ‘sweet dreams’.

You are sure as hell to hit the canvass any second from now. Strange but you momentarily forgot the pain from the impact until you realized you’re caught in a flashback. Once again you saw the reasons why you decided to turn pro: your mom, hands together praying for your safety; your siblings expecting the championship belt from you; and the instance you finally decided to own your life and become the warrior you always envisioned yourself to be.

After like an hour of being suspended in mid air, you decided it was too soon to give up. Suddenly, your legs regained their strength that once again established your balance.

On your way up, your right fist started to launch like a rocket, accelerating from zero to devilish speeds in a split second. Your opponent whose feet were grounded in fear upon seeing the dead rise again, can only gasp in horror as you gave him a dose of his own medicine when you hit him with all you’ve got in the midsection and throwing him five meters from you in the process, his body giving a loud thud as it kissed the canvass good night. 

There he lays on his back, oblivious to the ten counts of the referee and hands waiving in the air signifying that it’s all over. Panting hard, you still can’t believe you came out of that alive and yet you were there, finally a title holder and it wasn’t a dream!

X – X – X – X – X

It’s hilarious recalling these moments from this cartoon [relax, triggered weebs and otakus, it’s “uh-nuh-mei” right? XD]

But it sure brings back good old childhood memories, including the opening sound track. Who says only American rock can only produce this much hype? You’re missing out if you don’t get to hear J-Rock! 

Ang Dakilang Sulsultant

Mag ingat sa mapagpanggap
sa mga taong sulsol
masahol pa sa galising asong
kahol ng kahol
Akala mo matapang
matatag na sandalan
subalit pag nagkaipitan
mababahag ang buntot
mangunguna sa takbuhan

Stepping Stones

In order to go sky high, you first need to experience how it is to fall down south. Hard. It’s inevitable as gravity itself.

With much ado and denial, we painfully learn as we look back that there are no such thing as shortcuts. It’s a universal law that we have to undergo step by fucking step: we will suck at first, then manage to stay afloat, and eventually excel.

After all, there is no such thing as failure as the saying goes. Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn.

The beloved sons and daughters of Mephistopheles

Even those who caused us unimaginable heartaches have so much to teach us. Yes, including those who perplexed our souls such that we started to question why on earth was murder considered a sin in the holy scriptures in the first place.

And we have to realize that just like circumstances, these people, which we were certain to be related by blood with Mephistopheles, were sent to purify us, and were meant to prepare us to become our best selves that we are today.

A much more fun presentation

Okay, if you’re not at all consoled by all that cosmic shit, you can put it this way: instead of stepping stones, treat it as if you’re stepping on the necks of all the assholes, and dickheads, and bitches who gave you a hell of a time.

Imagine them all lined up, their necks serving as your footstools as you ascend your path from the abyss where you came from up to the dizzying heights where you are right now.

And rather than quickly ascending to your culmination, imagine that you are dancing on your way up, angels singing and clapping on either side, while you are taking your sweet time jumping and spinning and going to the next, just before the previous “footstool” gags.

Test results

Time for a pop quiz:

If the above presentation caused you to salivate that you drooled the way Venom does, obviously you should keep on searching for that elusive inner peace.

But if you just chuckled a bit and told yourself that you are exactly where you ought to be and that everything that transpired was meant to strengthen you including the people who prematurely put you through hell whilst you are still alive, well, you finally upgraded to a whole new level. Keep that fuck up!

Don’t Hug the Hag

Be careful who you cling to
or who you choose to hug
lest you see her true self
the horrible hag

Whose breath of death reeks
and the foulest of odors
a blood-full rusty blade encased in sheath
and in one’s unwitting moment
at the back she’ll surely stab
and the poor soul
she’ll voraciously devour

She has not a genuine care
fake as her smile
and hollow laughter
that causes Hades
to fear and stutter
ye are all indispensable
heir to her kingdom of fire
but only up until
you give her her share

Get out of her, children
while you still can
before you totally soak up her ways
and be evil for the rest of your days
Tarry not
get out of her fold
for her lips speak of death
and horrors untold

Because the hag has
the ultimate crown:
the bitch
and the witch
all rolled into one

The Truth and the Bearer

Truth told by anyone regardless of their standing or background is still the truth. That truth can never be diminished much more nullified, we only think it does because of how we view the bearer.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant
Motley Concoctions In A Blank Mind

INFJ Pisces Characteristics

(Copied from a Facebook comment. It just hit home that’s why.)

INFJ PISCES – An INFJ who is Pisces probably spends a lot of time immersed in the sea of their imagination.

The INFJ intuitive qualities will likely be more pronounced and the dreams they experience are vivid and full of symbolism and metaphor.

This person is probably highly creative and sensitive with a tendency to take things very personally.

The INFJ Pisces is deeply compassionate and they possess a sage-like wisdom and spiritual insight that is valuable to others.

Their naive and impressionable natures make them more susceptible to falling prey to the guiles of dishonest folks.

They may have difficulty observing things objectively and get blinded by their idealistic vision of what they hope to be.

INFJ Pisces is very tolerant and accepting but they may not be great judges of character.

They may be particularly subject to mood swing and bouts of depression.

They can fall victim to self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

They may need the influence of a more dominant personality to keep them in check and nurture them with positivity and love.

The INFJ Pisces is hard to pin down and can be like chameleons taking on the qualities of the people around them.

They tend to absorb other’s energy both negative and positive and so it is especially important for them to stay away from toxic people.

It’s A Category IV Hur.. – What?!

2020 had been weird. But I hope 2021 won’t get any “weirder” such that rather than hearing news about Category IV hurricanes brewing in the oceans, we will be anticipating Category IV kaijus instead.

Kulas de Malas

It is believed that the noise created by fireworks and other merry making means during Christmas season and especially on New Year’s Eve can ward off bad luck or “malas”.

So if you’re wondering why on earth does your neighbor’s blaring speakers are aimed towards your house all year round, do understand that he’s just trying to make sure that, well…

Once a fella cared too much…

Those who don’t give a fuck once gave too many fucks about everything.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Killing Cross

(Circa April 2016)

“The sound of my gun is my music.”

Perched unknown atop a tree
In a city turned rubbles, lost in the debris
White in the snow, ready to pounce
Concealed in the shadow, all set to trounce.

Clutched in my hands, my lifeline and friend
Ammos in check, scope and armor in perfect blend
It’s them or me, it ain’t a choice
My rifle – my unmuffled voice.

The hunter balks ever so patiently
Stalking the blind and unwitting prey
A couple of inch is all it takes
You’ll forever sleep in scattered bits.

The cross is forever etched in my vision
Resting on the temple, buried in the bosom
This is the world, all the world to me
The trigger’s your switch, concludes your destiny.

Never blink even for a split second
The scarlet dot’s in between your eyes
Or a crown, a tiny crimson one
The reaper’s scythe all set to smite.

Temple by temple, one click at a time
Like dominoes, inanimately turn grime
Chests popping, heads exploding
“It ain’t gonna be me, ain’t gonna be mine!”

Forgive me brother ‘tis not my will
It’s all for peace, for good to be still
You’re not evil, I’m neither saint
They’re waiting, my child and my girl, with hope not faint.

Now take a breath, take all you can
Don’t blink, be whist and be sober
Eyes wide open or shut real tight
One cock and pull, and it’s all over.

Forgive me if you’re all over…

The Return of the Crowd of Grumblers

credit goes to the owner of the photo

“Maski mga di binaha nakipila tapos sila pa yung mareklamo.”

So went the post in our subdivision’s homeowners Facebook page referring to what happened during the distribution of relief goods through the local parish. Luckily, we’re in a certain part of the subdivision which was left untouched by floods due to the previous typhoon. For some reason, even our neighbors who were not directly affected by the calamity nor desperately in need of relief goods were present during the distribution and they were the ones being referred to as the grumblers.

I wondered why of all people present, those who were more fortunate were the ones who had the gall to grumble and behave as entitled brats instead of responsible adults.

Sure everyone has his/her own reasons why they were present in the queue. Perhaps their supplies at home were already low or they have financial difficulties. But the grumbling part, well, I don’t know how to make sense out of which.

One possible reason that I can think of is people expect equality over equity. Regardless of the situation and individual circumstances, everyone should receive equal items. That means anyone should receive the same grocery and relief items as everyone else. The severely affected could have been given something more and better if those who can still manage will yield for their less fortunate fellows.

Another plausible explanation is, because they may not have yet experienced how to be humbled by any experience, disaster or otherwise, in which you will consider everything given to you as a blessing and gratitude is the only fitting response.

It was only then that I fully understood what Pope Francis meant when he said giving is not enough. We also have to experience to be on the receiving end and that is to receive humbly and graciously from both God and people, with no grumbling involved.

Fuck The Soulmate Mentality!

Love with our significant other is like a heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle made up of two pieces. And due to the novelty of our experiences together, each puzzle piece have intricate, unique patterns that can fit perfectly to only one piece.

But what people fail to realize is that  it’s not just a trial and error fitting spree. It involves the painful process of refining the edges, cutting an edge to accommodate the other piece, and extending some parts to fill the gaps of the other.

The interesting thing is, this gap that we’re trying to fill in order to piece together this puzzle, is dynamic. Such that, the patterns change in our lifetime and thus the process of cutting, welding, and grinding are perennial processes necessary to keep the love puzzle in perfect fit.

Moral of the story? FUCK THE SOULMATE MENTALITY!

Praise Aleluya!

“Jeez! What’s that word again?!”

A man is receiving instructions on how to navigate with his peculiar newly-bought horse.

“When you want it to move, say ‘Praise Aleluya!’ And to stop, say ‘Aamen’ got that?”

“Roger that,” said the man and shouted “praise aleluya” and got his horse galloping in no time.

“Aamen, Aamen,” the man said testing the “breaks” pulling the horse to a complete stop.

“Cool!” he muttered to himself.

And so the man, to his joy, traversed through the meadows with his horse lost in his thoughts about his good fortune, when he realized that he’s heading right straight to a 200-foot cliff.

Panic-stricken, the man desperately tried to remember the word for stop when suddenly he managed to shout “Aamen!” just in time for the horse to stop in it’s next step into the jagged rocks below.

“Whew!” cried the man in relief while holding high his right fist. “I know I count on You.

And I can never thank you enough Lord. PRAISE ALELUYA!!!”

See You On The Other Side, Jamir Garcia

You’re one of my role models on what it means to be a badass.

Dammit man, dammit!

I hope you will find peace, dammit Jamir, dammit!…

Boomer Journals 3 – Power Outages Expose the Buck Nakedness of Our Souls

A couple of predicaments we faced the morning after a hell of a night of a ferocious typhoon: the lack of water and electricity. It would have been manageable if at least the water supply was spared even if the power is out. The typhoon however, had been too kind not to take one without the other.

So we had no water and no electricity. That’s fine. At least the roof stayed intact despite the sustained strong winds, flood never made it inside the house and most importantly there’s food.

But of course one must not get stuck on either feeling sorry or overwhelming gratitude. You gotta get going because life must, well you know, go on.

No H₂O

Thankfully we had more than enough drinking water so consequently, cooking isn’t going to be an issue. Except that you will need something to wash the dishes, the “kaserola” and the “kaldero“. And(!), to flush the pungent toilet bowl saturated with piss. Not to mention the dreaded instance when you have to answer an urgent call from nature.

The good news though was that our neighbors from the adjacent village offers potable water. The bad news is, it was 50 meters or so from our house and I have nothing but sheer muscle power.

I can’t help but remember my childhood when I used to fetch water from a pump well, pail by pail until the 150 liters container is filled including the “kambong” or “tapayan“, an earthen drinking water container.

“kambong” in Iloko and “tapayan” in Tagalog

Those required serious muscle moments as well.

While I seem to reminisce those memories with relish, those were unpleasant but necessary chores essential to maintain the balance of everyday living. But even if it was uncool, they taught me a lot about the nuts and bolts of existence. Those were instances where you don’t have a choice but to embrace the suck that comes with it and utter expletives inorder to let off steam.

There’s plenty of time to do that anyway, while hauling water from a distance. If there’s one thing you will be proud to rediscover about yourself and humanity in general, it is the fact that we are natural polyglots when it comes to the sweet science of swearing.

No electric current

My phone’s battery went dead so I couldn’t keep myself busy online to temporarily forget about our misery.

I don’t mind that I didn’t know what’s happening online. I can live with that anyway. And besides, there are more pressing issues such as having dinner before dark and getting ourselves ready for bed before sundown in order to extend the life of a lone candle up until 8:00 PM.

We have trees all around our small house so humidity is not an issue. Mosquitoes are but a minor annoyance as well, thanks to our “moskiteros” which also serve as balms to our feet.

It’s been years if not decades since I experienced days on end without electricity. But at least I have those past experiences to tap into so I knew exactly what to expect. The kids however do not have anything at all except this one, their first time.

It’s tough to see them lamenting about our predicament. But at least they now have their first ever experience of what it feels like without power.

Those two nights were dark and quiet with only a few lit candle sticks illuminating homes in our neighborhood. Not eerie though but peaceful. Flashbacks of farm life flooded my consciousness where we had to go to bed before 8:00 in the evening. I got used to it before that I can say I enjoyed the dark, the sound of crickets, the stories needed to get us drowsy, and the company of family.

Finally – and there was light

It took three days and two nights before power was restored. The water supply however took more than a week after to go back to normal.

The momentary absence of electricity and water supply can teach a lot about ourselves. Yes, the absence of our basic comforts can be a blessing if only show our nakedness. We are closer to our souls when our attachments which we often mistook as our main identity and the end all and be all of our being, are lifted off our shoulders. For some, power interruption is enough to get their souls buck naked. For others, it would take more than that to expose their nakedness.

And then there was light, finally.

My reflections borne out of blackout and interrupted water service served me well towards another illuminated outlook at life as well as a short-lived entertainment. But of course, along with everybody else, this boomer was glad the electricity was back!

Tangible Surrealism

I often hear people say I’m always out of touch with reality,
 
I just laugh at their naiveté.
 
They wouldn’t understand the pact I made with myself anyway:
 
to come home frequently to the only place where all things are real…

Boomer Journals 2 – Of Heaven and Angels

Without cellular phones back in the days, what we’re left with to entertain ourselves most of the time is our imagination. They often come in handy, regardless if you’re asleep or not. Those momentary respites from reality can be disturbing but still something to be thankful for nonetheless, because they provided entertainment.

Just like that one time while I was driving somewhere in Cubao. I saw this chic, a beautiful lady behind the wheels. The mere sight of her casted a spell on me that I instantaneously followed her car. I just noticed a second too late as I was making a turn that another vehicle is speeding towards me, tires screeching, horns blaring, and all. And it was lights out after that.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the hospital. Things were a bit gray and I’m a bit groggy but I remember seeing mom by my side. She assured me that my attending physician is her personal choice and that I’d be alright.

Just as I was struggling to get myself together, the nurse in full regalia of an angel in white and the face and body of Aphrodite’s proportion entered and was headed towards me. And even as I am yet in delirium, I managed to ask her:

“♬♪Ale, nasa langit na ba ako?♩♪♫♬”

Boomer Journals 1 – Concrete Nails

What irked the working man before, is the toughness of the concrete wall/floor. Because it entails blistered palms due to several hammer blows just to drive a concrete nail through it. 

What’s so stressful nowadays however, is you can’t even drive a concrete nail with a second blow without the freaking nail getting bent out of shape.

That’s how it used to.

When the going is unyielding just like the obstinate wall/slab, you don’t bend your stand and your principles on the first resistance. And there are instances when you have to stand your ground instead of taking a detour. In those times what you have to do, or what you have to be, is to be obstinate yourself.

Toughness like the quality that previous concrete nails exhibit, does not mean the absence of any traces of fear, nor the lack of doubts and tears. Toughness is staying true to the mission despite the fact that it may take more than one, tens, hundreds or even thousands of blows.

It’s about getting tougher and holding the line until you finally pierce that shit.

Damn modern day concrete nails…

#BoomerJournals

Is it a sin, to ask for the rain?

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
to the delight
of wilting shrubs
and emaciated roots,
for life to persist
with fresh new shoots;

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
that’ll wash the grime
of what had been,
rid the burden
of things tentative
and uncertain.

Too Much Attachment Can Fill You

I knew it!

I just realized that I’ve been too attached once again while I was excitedly checking out another subscription I made to a Japanese learning website one evening. I wasn’t able to contain my excitement thinking how this new-found website might help accelerate my Japanese speaking and reading skills.

So I was there in my seat in front of my PC imagining myself in peace, completely absorbed in reading and shadowing.

But it was the exact opposite.

My firstborn was at my side muttering his dialogues out loud. My youngest was on a fit, demanding attention which made concentration totally impossible.

Fuck this, I told myself in frustration. I turned off my PC in spite of the aggravated tantrums in front of me.

My wife who just saw me snap asked me are you angry at us? No, I replied. Something is wrong, the balance is upset. Truly, attachment to things is the root of all sufferings. The less your expectations, the better. If nothing holds you back, nothing controls you hence you are free, I continued.

What are the things that I allowed to get a hold of me? Quite a lot actually.

Technical blogging attachment

I’ve been building technical content of my own.

At first it was meant to be a diary for my own sake. But after quite sometime, there were others who have benefitted from it as well. And aside from having a database to document my technical know-how’s for future reference, I figured I’d also want to make a difference that can inspire the next generation and be a part of the force that will shape a better future.

So I have to be better at work and in documenting technical lessons that come with it. It was fulfilling putting a rather heavy, boring, and nerdy topic into a discussion tantamount to a casual talk while drinking booze.

The trouble is, after publishing a technical article, there is this peculiar feeling of emptiness that leaves me drained and exhausted that I feel the need to decompress for two to three days.

And the funny thing is, it feels similar to depression. And that it can only be cured in time or after publishing/posting some notes or memes of topics that elicit laughter or mental calisthenics. Or, it can be cured when I finally figured out what to write next.

Creative writing attachment

If technical writing makes me a body without a soul, creative writing is what replenishes the body with a fresh supply of spirit in order to qualify as a living being.

But if I stay on this too long, I become a steady visionary – a chronic daydreamer, that is. There were instances that I’m engrossed and attached with my thoughts that I begin to loathe reality.

If my technical self takes over, I consequently neglect my creative self which again makes me depressed. And I’d eventually hate my self in the process for failing to quickly transition from my technical to creative self.

Learning 日本語 attachment

I don’t know why I’m still engrossed in learning 日本語 when, as I had been saying before, I am not even sure if I can ever go to 日本 at all to work and much more to live there.

And yet here I am still, struggling for fluency and for finding time to study. But nonetheless I am still persevering, driven by nothing but a calling from deep within and a strange fire that stubbornly refuses to go out.

Whatnot attachments

Those, and a hell lot more.

Sages of old in their earthly forms, I am sure, also struggled with earthly attachments. Why not? We’re but sojourners in this world and we all have our own shares of tendencies to get attached to something such as prestige, power, money, women, sex, to name a few.

And at some point, we have experienced that lacking feeling of all of those mentioned above, albeit to varying degrees. The challenge is to keep the balance as it tips indefinitely on one side at times.

Or maybe I just need to completely detach myself for quite sometime. That worked for me before, I hope it will work again this time.

Sarah E – Pula ang Talulot ng Rosas

sinabi kong mahal kita

pero sabi mo mas mahal mo siya

mas maalab
mas masidhi

nais ko mang magdamdam
nang dahil sa iyong tinuran
ngunit batid kong ako ay
hanggang dun na lamang

pagkat banaag sayong mga mata
ang damdaming nagbabaga
makibaka para sa kanya
na pati ang buhay mo
ay walang alinlangang iyong itataya

wala akong magawa
mahal kita
pero mas mahal mo siya
kung kaya‘t ako ay nagparaya
sabay dalangin sa Poon
na gabayan ka sa dako paroon
at kung maaari ika‘y Kanyang ibalik
sa aking mga mahigpit na yakap at halik

at sakali mang ika’y mahapo
sa pagmamahal sa kanya
sa iyong pagmamahal
na di nya matumbasan
hiling ko na ako’y lingunin
pagkat nandito parin ako
na matyagang nagaantay sayo

na tayong muli ay magtatagpo
sa katahimikang
kaytagal mong tinalikuran
at ang naiwang pangarap
na ikaw at ako
nawa ay sabay na nating mabuo

News

With the shared expertise of majority of mainstream media worldwide, it is just fitting to call them under one news agency:

F*CKS NEWS

“Where we f*ck the news real good, baby!”

Evening Star

I can’t help but think at times that I am an old soul trapped in a relatively young body.

Because while my genre that describes my overall style as rock and alternative, a part of my music spirit consists of country music. A familiar string is struck in me whenever I hear that western country songs from the likes of Kenny Rogers, Alan Jackson, etc.

I was even thinking, if I can’t be friends with my generation and the younger ones, I am sure as hell that I can be friends with their parents and grandparents!

When Moral Support Backfires

In terms of acquiring motivation from all possible sources internal and external, in all your pursuits that you are passionate about, there are two things that you need to remember:

The bad news: You’re on your own.

There may be a lot of support groups, online and in physical groups like your club or your own family. The problem with this is that these shared fiery emotions once left untended will inevitably turn a blazing inferno to a dying ember.

You have to remember that other people have problems of their own to tend to, and that includes your closest friends and your very own family. The last thing that they have to worry about is for your motivation to stay intact. A lot of times you are on your own, even if you are within your support group. Your group can’t and won’t do EVERYTHING for you because there’s none other that will do the dirty work that needs to be done but you.

The good news: You’re on your own.

The bad news above given the right perspective really is good news in disguise. Because you are on your own, there is just you and you are enough. Of course you will be needing to equip yourself with all the tools you need to get better to get wherever you want to go.

The point is, upon realizing this, you already overpowered the thought that you need your own cheering squad for you to persevere especially when the going gets tough.

Without them, you still won’t give up, right? And will you stop doing the things you do just because your cheering squad ceased shouting well wishes for you?

Of course you wont. You are too stubborn, too naïve, and too busy to give a damn about anything that can hinder you from achieving whatever you want to achieve, which includes the finite and scarce resource of “support fuel” which you mistaken for an indispensable lifeline.

“There’s just you.”

If you’ve ever watched the first Kung Fu Panda movie, remember how Tai Lung (Shifu’s protégé) coveted the mythic scroll that will unleash great power to those who take possession of it. And it’s only in the end that it was revealed that there are no secret ingredients whatsoever. The scroll didn’t contain a genie or any lucky charm. It’s in the realization that there’s just you, and no one and nothing else.

This is not to discount the impact of motivation that one receives, in whatever form they may be and in whatever sources they might come from. I myself had been a recipient of receiving hope. Because hope is included in the gift called motivation.

But what can possibly cripple you is when you take that motivation as an “end all and be all” of everything, treating it as oxygen such that the absence of which spells the end of you.

There will come a time that you will need to be your own cheering squad, with no less than yourself leading that crowd.

You are not going to give up. Not even when people abandon you or when they become indifferent. Quitting is never an option because that’s not you, because you are more than that.

There’s only you and your dream. You don’t achieve it because somebody else is cheering for you. You achieve it because step by painful step, you are reaching for it until you finally grab it by the balls.

Similarities of the silent majority and the people who are just “done” in dealing with BS:

• They’ve already seen and weighed both sides.
• They’ve already made up their minds early on.
• They’ve already seen all the BS behind the smiling feces, errr faces.
• They have X-ray eyes that can see through all the BS still going on.
• They’re both silent and may only smile when asked or talked to. But it doesn’t mean that they’re stupid.
• Can differentiate between the evil and the evil opportunists.
• No longer engages in discussions/heated arguments against BS because it’s a complete waste of time.
• They no longer care about the BS opinion/peddled lies of others.
• Nothing that anybody else will say can change their mind unless it’s completely logical and consistent.
• Knows exactly how to deal with BS and peddlers of misinformation.
• Execute their decisions without second thoughts and in cold precision.
• They’ve already transcended the opposite of love (which is hate) to apathy to those espousing BS.

火がまだ燃えている

As I am still learning 日本語, I came across an app HelloTalk, where you can meet natives of your target language, 日本語 in my case, and have your grammar corrected in return via a friendly exchange.

There are also Japanese natives in HelloTalk who want to learn English and Filipino. Strange as it may seem, other nationalities are also craving to learn Filipino not only for the sake of wanting to learn Filipino as a language, but also because they wanted to become a Filipino, starting with the language.

The frustration

I’ve gone through great lengths of getting frustrated, motivated, and obsessed while learning, and back again. And I’d give a resounding “YES”, I am STILL that desperate to learn the Japanese language by any means.

In fact, whenever I see a post from a Japanese native, I can’t help but turn green with jealousy wishing I can also write with the same fluency as a native. I know, I am unrealistic sometimes and I can get upset that easy when I feel that I can’t seem to achieve swiftly what I wanted to achieve.

Collaring myself and asking why

But really, I tried to ask myself, despite the frequent frustration when I see how far still am I to my goal, why do I keep going back to wanting to learn?

And why do I even persist given that I cannot even assure myself that I will be able to go to Japan, and much more work or live there? And why am I that stubborn to learn the language even when I am already aware of the many pressing issues that the Japanese people are facing nowadays?

No such thing as a perfect country

My country isn’t perfect and so does Japan. All countries have two extremes, the commendable and the not so cool stuff, both deeply embedded in the culture. But I chose to stick with the duality because, well it’s part of everything. It doesn’t mean condoning the wrong. There’s always room for improvement in everything.

One does not reside in the light alone nor one is completely ignorant of the light. One gets a taste of the other occasionally as the balance tips over either the dichotomy.

Exchange of spirits and minds

I tried to write the first part of that explanation in 日本語 (with all the faulty grammar and wrong choice of words) until I can no longer go any further due to my limited vocabulary so I continued it in English and posted it in HelloTalk.

And then a native replied.

Yep, that’s from a Japanese native!

Just enjoy the learning process

I can’t help but smile at his Tagalog which is a “textbook” type of Tagalog. And maybe it is the same with him, laughing at my unnatural and bookish 日本語 instead of a conversational one. But neither of which mattered. I am learning piece by piece, and the same is true for him and perhaps all the other language learners out there.

What mattered is that we are enjoying the process of getting wrong, getting corrected and improving. And slowly but surely we are getting closer to our previous selves one word and grammar at a time.

またね!

Kindness is a Fucking Choice

Our actions, including how they affect others, don’t just depend on our overall attitude. It also depends on our circumstances, where we are not always in control.

Unfortunately, what people remember is how we made them feel regardless of any justifiable circumstances most especially if they ended up being hurt. And this is true in spite of our lack of intention to hurt anyone.

Being kind no matter what, except for situations that warrant a just reproach, is a choice we can take. Because one way or another, we had been a witness of how the simplest acts of kindness went beyond our expectations, transcended time and people, turned things upside down, and created unfathomable miracles in people’s lives.

Choose to be kind.

Thanks To Those Who Didn’t Want To Be Associated With Me

Deep gratitude I have
to those who rejected me:
those who didn’t want me
in their group
those who didn’t want me
in their company
those who labelled me weird,
freak, and a dupe.

If not for them,
I would’ve settled indefinitely
Wouldn’t have been lost,
hurt, and known agony
Would’ve remained in shackles,
wouldn’t have been set free
I never would’ve wandered,
I never would’ve found me.

Focus on Your Flow, Not Your Flaw

“Rather than devoting all your energies
in magnifying your flaws,
commit that enthusiasm instead
to finding your flow.”

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

You, A Creation of A Higher Vibration

You
yes you,
a being
vibrating
at a
higher
frequency:
never bow
your head
nor be
ashamed
of what
you
posses.

I know
the pain
it caused
you,
how
it alienated
you from
the
very
crowd
with
vibrations
that
you
wanted
to be
a
part of.
But
instead
of
suffering
with
what
you perceive
as a
disability
and
limitation,
embrace it
and
wave it
like a flag.
Because
it signifies
your
sovereignty
and
your
freedom.

It isn’t
a status
that says
you
are
better
or
inferior
to everyone
else.
It is
far
more
remarkable
than that:

it
signifies
YOU!

Performing for Our Ultimate Audience

We are our very own grand audience.

This is what the universe wanted to tell us early on. But too often, this only becomes clear the moment we are ready to listen.

At first, we have to get preoccupied with our “practice” audiences, the ones we thought were the ultimate ones. Even if we vehemently deny it, we spend 95% of our energies trying to please them all: those who are genuinely interested to see our best selves, the ones who don’t give a damn, and those who grin the moment they see our imminent demise.

The reaction of our audience can get us hurt at times. And oftentimes, we label ourselves a success everytime they give us the impression of them listening. This is how we accord the opinion of our audience with tremendous power by making it a gauge of our success. Recklessly, we build the very foundation of ourselves using our audiences’ reactions. That is how harebrained we can get.

But that’s normal.

That’s a part of being human.

Despite of a lot of folks telling us to always observe and learn from the mistakes of others in order to not repeat them and get hurt, reality is, life is not a lesson in algebra that can be solved with a definite solution. Rather, it is an experiential one. You have to go through the painful process. To inevitably fall but to get back up better than the previous. No buts, no ifs, no shortcuts.

That’s what it takes when performing in front of an audience.

The important thing to realize is, these are but necessary preparations, a dry run, aimed at gathering our nerves, our guts, and the balls required before facing our ultimate audience: which is none other than ourselves.

母語 (Mother Tongue)

For this
unequivocal truth
my faith
doth rest:
my once unintelligible
soul’s commune
with the universe,
in a different language
in my true native tongue
will be
bared
unraveled
made known to me
and then,
I
shall
be
set
free…

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

もうメランコリック曲

悲しくなってしまった

If Anything’s Worth Showing Off, It’s Your Scars

Never be ashamed to flaunt your scars. Because someday, a lost soul with similar wounds will be in desperate need to know how the hell did you make it out alive.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Staying True to their Calling, Wokes and Yellows Remain Consistent with Their Inconsistencies

In engineering, the way to assure that the design or the system works is through consistency. If the desired outcomes are consistently observed, the designer is assured of a peaceful night’s sleep.

At the start of the design process, it is expected that the output will be random and all over the place. That’s normal. Over time however, after a few iterations and calibration, a pattern will emerge. That’s predictability. It is extremely important because it is the only indication that the system or the design is working out fine.

The problem begins when the expected response becomes erratic after calibration. When that happens, it is certain that something is wrong.

The same can be applied to wokes and the Yellowtards. Their consistent inconsistencies that they are exhibiting are indications of hypocrisy, and double/triple even multiple standards.

They specialize in cherry-picking and moulding current issues to fit their narratives while ignoring facts that will tear apart their faulty arguments. You have to admire however, their persistence in making these episodes on social media on a regular basis such that the usual initial reactions of anger and eye-rolls can now be replaced with a grin and/or a chuckle.

One example of their hypocrisies are those who irresponsibly insisted on organizing rallies despite of them being fully aware that rallies are perfect grounds for transmission of the Covid-19 virus. Recently, they joined the popular cry to give the medical frontliners their much needed timeout to recharge.

Risa Hontiveros in a previous interview with Arnold Clavio cried foul over the sexism and “slut-shaming” of her fellow senator Leila Delima during the congress hearings, and yet she wasn’t able to utter anything sensible when asked about her reaction regarding Ronnie Dayan’s legal wife being hurt as the illicit relationship unfolded on national TV.

Defenders of the now defunct ABS-CBN franchise used emotional blackmail against the government particularly the congressmen on the alleged 11,000 workers that will be displaced. And yet these defenders were eerily silent when the network sought every means necessary to delay the just compensation of Weng Hidalgo. Same with the issue of technical personnel who filed labor malpractice against the network and won. Were there any mass gatherings conducted to air their support and to condemn the clear violation of their rights?

Some Catholic priests who allowed themselves to be prostituted by politics even wished for the president to get sick (and only God knows who else are on their wish list).

Those and a lot more, just to name a few.

The problem with being inconsistent, is that it raises red flags with sensible observers. Instead of making their arguments sound to convince the public, they continued to hurl insults to the majority (an overwhelming majority, based on surveys) by tagging them as “bobo”. And as such, they drove the final nails to their political coffins as the silent majority voted them out in the recent elections.

Disillusionment is but one of the many problems with having multiple moralities instead of calling a spade a spade whether it’s in ones’ favor or not. Another is you need to keep track of how you stand on different issues, which has become a constant stumbling block for Leni Robredo. And she drew a lot of flak already from the very people they desperately needed on their side.

That’s where we need to check our own biases and be consistent to call out what’s wrong even if it means confronting the very people who are on the same page as ours. This is especially true for the opposition and their woke supporters if they want to stay relevant and not be perpetually viewed as clowns and nuisance. Because inconsistency is a stink, an indication that something is rotten from within. And it isn’t something that’s going to help the country nor the Liberal Party’s dream of getting back to power.

Until

ctto

I stare intently at my dreams –

Until I end up loathing every bit of my here and now.

Until it hurts.

Until I bleed.

Until my bed is soaked like a wet sponge.

Until the entire floor turns crimson.

Until my slippers are taken by the current and they find their way out of the door.

Until I come back to my senses and realize that something hurts.

Until I realize that that something that hurts, is me thinking of what should be while lying on my bed doing nothing.

Until I realize that nothing will suffice to kindle my inner fire to get it back to life but to get the fuck off my bed and get something done to inch closer to my prize. What is that fucking something, exactly? Anything. Because anything’s better than nothing. It is said that when I start looking for it, it will start looking for me as well. I need to believe in that something.

Until I see that dream with my very own eyes. Tangible, and already in the present instead of being confined only within the bounds of my skull. Until I lay my hands on it. And take possession of which. But until then, I’ll take that first step forward and will keep on moving.

Until it hurts to move. Until I’ve reached my limit for the day. Until every muscle is sore. Until my brain starts to yell ‘enough!’ I’ll keep pushing through until it hurts. Fuck that hurt anyway. It hurts more just staring at my dreams and doing nothing to achieve them. I bet it will hurt less when I am mobile than when I’m static.

Until my dreams become my here and now.

Share

We learn things differently.

Some take it slow, digesting one lesson at a time. Some like a fast-paced tempo, voraciously gobbling things up as much as they can on one sitting.

Some prefer books. Others prefer electronic books, podcasts, videos, and whatnot. Some learn a lot in a group. Some learn a lot more when in solitude. Some find it more practical to learn from others. Some find it more effective to learn via a first hand experience.

We won’t ever find a one-size-fits-all solution. What is effective to others isn’t a guarantee that it will work for us. Because the only instance that you will learn something is when the learning materials, in whatever form they may be, resonate with our very own vibrations.

So don’t worry if you don’t feel the best out there. It isn’t a prerequisite before you find yourself worthy of sharing what you have. What you only have to do is improve the message and the messenger. And share.

Somebody is in desperate need for your message, whether it’s your art, talent, hobbies, or business. Share it. For you will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

And what you have may be somebody else’s lifeline.

Never deny anyone of their only lifeline.

Share.

What is the difference between a black hole and an asshole?

The chances of finding ourselves inside the event horizon of a blackhole is 1 in a billion while the probability of finding ourselves near an asshole is – well, it’s either we are sitting right next to one or we need a mirror to see the one…

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Mathematics of Procrastination

This is true for procrastinators: the amount of their free time is inversely proportional to their potential accomplishments. Expounding that argument, the less free time one has, the more he can accomplish. Conversely, one can accomplish less if he has a lot of free time.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

How to Know That You Have Already Forgiven Someone

“You know you’ve already forgiven someone when, instead of wishing him drowning in the burning lake of sulfur and brimstone, you silently pray that he’s safe and warm in the shore.”

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Motel Exam

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A motel owner and his receptionist in an argument:

“What, are you out of your freaking mind?! Why did you let them in when it’s already obvious that they are minors. And they’re even in their uniforms for crying out loud! Do you want to get us into trouble?!!!”

“They said they will be having an exam.”

“Exam? Exactly what type of exam?!”

“Oh, they said oral and fill in the blanks…”

Listening to Kick-Ass Japanese Indie, Alternative, Rock Songs

かわいいですよね!

I so love alternative and rock and Japan has a lot of talents even in the indie sector. And I so love my second home.

いつか日本にいくよ!

My Kind of Girl With Glasses

ctto

Curvy and drop-dead gorgeous lady news anchors are a must. But Isa Avendaño-Umali is more than that. She is just, damn it, – PERFECT!

“Annoying Dad” & “Annoying the Kids” Games

In the game of “Annoying Dad”, my firstborn continually upgrades his skills such that he always breaks his previous record. All he has to do in the game is – well, annoy me.

Don’t get me wrong. Children are a bunch of joy. Period. And part of raising them will inevitably involve moments that your only defense in order to maintain your sanity is to laugh at how they can trigger your nerves.

The game is one way obviously. There is only one giver and one very lucky receiver, and that’s me. That is until I finally figured out a way to level the playing ground.

Right after watching the evening news, I chimed in with the intro of a TV program a high pitched “UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!,” while key events from the previous episode are being replayed on the screen.

Embarrassed, he put both his hands on his ears while shouting for me to stop. But the more he demanded for me to stop, the more I chanted the silly “UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!,” until he finally ran away, his hands still on his ears while laughing and cringing, all at the same time.

Ooooh yeah!
Direct hit
Mission accomplished
One point for Dad.

Forsaking Something Worth Forsaking

“If there is any instance where infidelity is to be welcomed and encouraged is when you ditch your sacred matrimonial vows with your old familiar feelings of emptiness, sorrow, unworthiness, despair, anxiety, and depression and to finally possess the courage to walk away in search for something better.”

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Finding A Gem In A Vast Ocean

“Writing is like fishing in the ocean with your bare hands. You scour the depths and breadth, only to surface with a handful.”

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Inner World

Have you ever experienced how intense your inner world can get that you feel exhausted when you come back to your senses?

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Living or Romanticizing Life

It’s either you live your life, or you philosophize it. Well, I live mine – by philosophizing it.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Melancholic Melody

Melancholic tunes are portals to our past, and a gateway towards a beloved deeply intertwined with the fabric of our souls who in like manner longs for our presence from the unknown extents of the universe.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

To the fellow lost soul from hither yonder

Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well.

It’s comforting to know that whatever you’re currently doing, you are seeing another reality and perhaps living a similar or a different story altogether. I pray that it is a beautiful story. That flipside of reality in relation to mine must be very beautiful indeed, magical even. Is it really? Yep I do hope it is. Not that everything I have in here sucks but I’ve always pondered on what lies in there on your side, but you know, things here are mundane given this time of a pandemic. So if you are currently in a time of a great lull, well at least it’s kickass compared to dealing with a pandemic threatening to wipe out the population.

How am I doing? Fine I guess. Maybe because I finally found the courage to write you something instead of just floating around your formlessness in the bounds of my mind. I hope you wouldn’t mind but I’d really love to talk about how you are doing right now instead of flooding this precious space dedicated to you, of things about me.

So howdy? Having a nice adventure somewhere? How’s the weather? Happy people you have there? How is the other side of the world? May not be in this world that I’ve grown into but somewhere in the vast expanse of the cosmos.

I don’t think we still need introductions, do we? Finally we get to meet, so yep, here we are finally bridging the gap…

The only reason I know you exist is because of a melancholic piece that I am listening to right now. I am extremely certain that you are not only a figment of my imagination. You are not just conjured out of nowhere. Our past is tied, and maybe as such is our future. I know and believe that you already figured that out yourself a long time ago and that it pestered you in as much as it pestered me just as well. I’m sorry if the thought of me annoyed you for a lot of times. I too, am bugged by the thought that there is someone like you somewhere out there and I just cannot fully comprehend why. But I’m certain that someone is linked to my soul in which even quantum shit and all that cannot explain.

I know you are out there. I just don’t know where. Maybe it will remain as such until, well until who knows when. But if I were to ask God I hope you are currently in this world, at this very instance that I am keying all of this on my keyboard, offering a silent prayer to the vastness. Yes, to pray is all I can do even if it may just be another one of those doomed to get lost into nothingness, but I hope this small prayer of mine will find you and let you know that I am here, and I’m thinking of you. Yes I have you in my mind.

And I hope you are thinking of me too.

Each stroke of the key hits my soul, a different vibration, a slightly different twang that is yet to be discovered and added to the particle zoo. Can you feel it too? Does it send you the same feeling? The feeling of nostalgia, something pleasant but at the same time heart rending. Do you happen to know Stockholm Syndrome where you build some connection with your captors? The captor is this music right here. It is hurting me and yet I keep coming back to it to feel the hurt, because it’s only then that I can keep coming back to you to feel you.

I’m curious as to how you look. Flowing hair? Short hair? Fair complexion or colored? Bouncy or flat busts? It doesn’t really matter because I’ve already touched your soul as you already did to mine. I just hope I’d have a tangible face to remember, a face I can hold, a body I can share my warmth with, lips that I can press my lips with, a parcel of my soul so dear and so loved that I cannot really fathom how God blessed me with everything.

What’s giving me assurance is the thought that you are also thinking of me. Like myself, I know you can barely picture my face as I can hardly do to you. But I rest in the faith that we both are unconsciously longing to know each other. That time will come I know. And I know that you feel it too.

But even if I am longing so much to see you right now, I regret to say that I cannot take your hand right away and take you in haste to the stars. You see, I’ve already made my choices, and I am never gonna regret nor forsake them. But when my life is over and after serving my time, we’ll have our chance. I hope by that time, through God’s great mercy it will be our chance to be exclusive to one another.

But for now, even a glimpse of you will give me enough hope and faith to look forward to the next lifetime hoping that I’d finally get to meet you there.

Wherever you are right now, at the seashore, atop a skyscraper, overlooking valleys and mountains or great plains, please be strong. For yourself and for both of us. I know that someday, God would allow me to meet you finally. Maybe not in this world and neither the next. But I know there will come a time where we can fill each other with our essence and love. I cannot do so much but to write this to you while waiting for that blessed day that I will finally lay my eyes on you and we can hold each other. Two lost souls in the cosmos. Separated by distance or even time but connected with love and this melancholic melody.

It’s crazy but I hope I can catch some glimpses of you either in person, photos, or even in written pieces, because I know we would know each other by that.

Till then. Wishing I’d look into those eyes of yours one day and see all that love that had been waiting to bind us forever…

Double-Crossing Life

It is indeed disheartening to realize that we often cheat life with the same fervor that we cheat death.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Trojan “Hors”

Did you know that the Trojan Horse is Troy’s attempt to correct their previous mistake?

Apparently, there had been a miscommunication when the commander sent harlots in the first instance.

The Ultimate Comedy

Life lessons can be categorized as either; 1) those that are oddly satisfying to philosophize, and 2) those that are best to put into use.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Virus

Radical thinkers and misfits were first considered as viruses that need to be purged from the system. Well, that is only until the virus revolutionizes the system or the virus becomes the system.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Something you need to know about your dad, or dads in particular

Nothing gets a man quicker to his knees other than the thought of his wife and children.

It’s not the imminent crisis ahead, and definitely not the adversity that looms before him. He can welcome them with open arms and a smirk on his face.

But when he realizes how helpless he really is when it comes to the assurance of providing and protecting his family, at present and in the future, is an entirely different story. Man is limited, and he knows it but is sometimes adamant to admit it.

In as much as he would like to cover everything for his loved ones, he realizes that he cannot. Yet he does it, nevermind that he misses by a mile for the sake of his family.

But he can do one more thing, the best thing that he can and the best thing he will ever do: pray.

There is boundless power unlocked by a mother’s prayer but a father’s supplications are no less potent. And he knows that.

Recognizing this, he will bend his knees and will implore to the Ultimate Infinity which is God Himself to fill the huge gap that he himself cannot fill.

Behind his brute strength and full masculine bravado is his need to commune and replenish himself from a greater power. God is his rock of comfort. And there he finds solace.

Macrocosmic Whispers

Scribbled shitload of thoughts
or just plain and simple notes
deep or nonsense, grand or small
it’s how I commune with my soul…

I Don’t Play Basketball, So What?!

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With a height of 5’8″ they said I should have been a basketball player.

Should’ve.

I’ve already had enough hearing what a waste am I for having such untapped gift of height which is the envy of many. However, what’s more vexing are the words that are left unsaid: how lame am I for not playing basketball; that I am doomed not to have the prettiest cheerleaders for a girlfriend; Class B; the Beta male.

Succumbing to this standard definition imposed by society, I pushed myself to play basketball despite my awkward moves and maneuvers lacking skill and authority. I already knew back then that I didn’t have the natural gift that only needs enhancement unlike Lebron of today, or Iverson back then. But I enjoyed watching PBA, so I was thinking maybe, that was enough to begin with.

I persevered despite the frequent humiliation and taunting hoping I would amount to something.

One day, I played basketball with some peers. God knows I poured my juvenile heart and muscles into it. I thought it all went well, just another forgettable play until the following morning when my cousin told me that someone remarked that I looked pretty much like a cane toad when I jump during rebound or while shooting.

That’s it, I told myself with the finality of a death sentence. I’m done. I’m outta here.

To hell with the ball.

From then on I’d totally murder even the slightest thought of playing basketball.

Fast forward to more than a decade. I was already an engineer working at a construction site. I related this story to a friend the safety officer, a middle aged man who happens to have an Ilocano father. He has the skill in listening and full of wisdom. What he said next left me dumbfounded:

…you should have not listened to it. If you really wanted to play basketball then, imagine where you would have been right now if you just kept playing.”

How true.

I may not have qualified to play at a prestigious university or any professional basketball associations, but who would have known? Had I learned to shut people’s negative opinions towards me and persevered ’til I got better, maybe I would still be playing?

I have nothing against basketball, not even to those who found comic relief in my “freak show” version of playing ball. I still don’t play but I still do love watching NBA especially the finals where the action and drama blends into an intoxicating concoction.

This particular door to greatness may not have opened for me but the lessons I learned from such experiences are priceless:

• It was a test on how much I wanted something and how much I was willing to sacrifice to attain my dreams. Basketball may not be for me but there are other stuff I achieved where my sacrifices were worth it.
• Don’t give your switches to anyone. This was my big mistake. Despite the white noise and how much you suck as they think you do, don’t let it affect you. It’s you who will live your life and not them. You will never obtain everyone’s affirmation anyway, so might as well do what you think is good for you.
• And lastly, it pays to be kind to everyone. You will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

See You Soon Japan!

Damn, can’t explain how this stirs me. See you soon Japan, please embrace your long lost son.

Bri’ish Stuff

A Bri’ish little girl’s twang is so messed up I thought she’s being rude calling her playmate “dirty”. Until I learned that her playmate’s real name is Dorothy.

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Geography Lesson: Chocolate Hills

That mound of geologic formation near your home, courtesy of your favorite neighbor’s dog deposits.

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Office Bullies

My officemates are hardcore bullies,
They litter inside my workstation,
They loiter inside my workstation,
Deliberately make all sorts of noises,
Have no qualms in disturbing me whilst I’m in deep thought,
Interruptions spark at their whims,
They climb my chair,
Take my pens and notebooks like they own it,
Drink my coffee(!)
Wrestle for mouse control,
Ruin my documents by “ambushing” my keyboard while I’m typing,
Press the power buttons of the AVR and CPU while I’m working,
Piss behind my chair –

It’s really tough being bullied while working from home.

The Curse of the Face Mask Law

ctto

This Covid-19 stole
great times ahead
with family
and friends
But it doesn’t really
bother me all that much:
social distancing
avoiding the crowd
things as such.
Been the recluse for
yep, not that long –
only a lifetime
and still going strong.
If at all
this is but
an expansion of
us loners’ Eden

But what I can’t
settle myself with
is the thought of
your comeliness
once overflowing
now mandated to be
partly hidden.

Oh how atrocious
my erring might have been
that my soul warrants
such scourge and torment?!

How am I gonna see
your hair caressing your cheeks
or the smile
that escapes your lips
as the wind embraces you
and carries your sweet scent
on mountain highs
and valley lows
into and beyond the event horizon
and throughout the cosmos

Twas sweet a past
where I have but memories
of your lovely face
in all its immaculate radiance
and that sweet smile,
that despite of
this world right now
painfully going
through a tight rope,
puts in my heart
an ample amount of hope

The legislation
that I loathe and abhor
may still be a friend
though in a way –
if only to hide
the bitterness in my smile.

And this I earnestly pray
that it will come that blessed day
where you can take
your mask away
and so does mine
and our lips would meet
in due time

Clobbered-19

Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

Humanity must have been doomed
its fate sealed:
you fuck nature,
it fucks you back.
Harder.

Gasp after gasp,
the succeeding more painful
than the ones before,
for life left in the air
if anything’s left there at all
or anywhere.

You may still be alive, yes.
Barely though.
“Never mind” you say.
“There is still a chance.
A small glimmer of hope
and mountains of ashes
to build the new upon.
And being half dead a man
is better than
a dog altogether
dead and damned.”
Or is it?

The True Identity of the Scourge of God

God allowed the invention of mirrors for men to come face to face with what the dreaded scourge of God looks like.

– (THE) NAME’S NOT AT ALL RELEVANT

Trip

What do you have when a manager in a power distribution plant, out of his maniacal whim flips the distribution switch on and off at will?

“Power tripping”

Internal Revulsion

People are distraught when they see things outside themselves. But I can’t imagine the horror that will engulf them when they finally get to see for the first time what’s inside.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Practice What You Preach

A lady saw a pastor whose right butt cheek is showing from his worn out jeans. When the pastor saw the disgusted reaction of the lady, he immediately turned his back. Completely appalled, the lady left. The pastor’s companion who is with him, saw it all, turned and asked his friend:

“Hey what’s the big idea?”

“Oh this (points to his exposed butt cheek)? Practicing what I preach.”

“Practicing what?!”

“What I preach. Which is why I willingly turned the other cheek.”

(ctto for the image above)

Difficult Women

If you feel tormented having a difficult woman, remember that only bloodied, badass warriors deserve the priciest war booties.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Cognitive Bias

Cognitive bias – preference of lies and half truths that support one’s biases because the other argument is too inconvenient and too sharp for one’s fragile, balloon-inflated-like ego.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

You Better “Bilibid”

Trillanes in utter disbelief as SC convicts him of his charges:

“I can’t Bilibid!”

What If I Meet the Anti-Me?

What if I meet the anti me?
The once I thought
obliterated during Big Bang
long lost then found
the volatile concoction
the catalyst
the critical mass
the same badass
face-to-face?

They said he’s me
and I am he
It’s just that we have
opposite charges
What does that even mean?
Is this the Yin and Yang
of Oriental origins?

And from where is he exactly?
How can he
just pop out of nowhere
from nothing?

By who’s authority
is he summoned
into existence?
And in the same way
be gone in an instant
in a fraction of a second?
Can he just leave
and come back no more?
Is he even aware
that when we meet
the borrowed energy
by which we both exist
will return to the Source
and cause us
to cease just being?

Is he my evil twin?
Or am I the evil twin?
Would he embody
the things I envy?
Will he complement
my imperfections?
Will he turn green
drooling
of what I already achieved?
Or will I be the one
to flood the Himalayas
and turn the desert green?

Shall I punch him
to break his nose?
or will the anti-me
give me a hug
and a pat in the back?
And end up
releasing energy
and obliterating ourselves
in the process?
Or will it spark
a new cosmos
same as what
we know today?
Or maybe it already did?

No… Wipers?

Why the ruckus over toilet papers?

Just imagine sitting there, dropping “bombs” and then you realized you’re gonna have to sit on ground zero… FOREVER!

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Goddess of Tactical Interrogation and Cross-Examinations

Daddy and son, both cops, talking to each other:

Son: Dad, can you shed me some light on tactical interrogation and cross-examination?

Daddy: (without even looking up from the broadsheet he’s reading) You’re barking at the wrong tree son. There’s someone more skillful at that, better than anyone who wears the badge. Go and ask your mother…

“In God’s name, I command the fires of hell for your soul’s eternal damnation!”

Condemning, in accordance to one’s own biases in the guise of “doing God’s work” is never, not even close to God’s way.

Recall the story of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. Did Jesus slap their faces with the tablets of the ten commandments and ordered the Heavenly Fire to consume their wretched souls because of their sins?

No he didn’t.

Instead, He showed them love and forgiveness which led to their repentance and conversion, finally forsaking their old sinful ways.

Love, genuine love, is what will win souls and not the fear of the fiery lake of brimstone and sulfur. If we ain’t doing that, we should ask ourselves: really, who’s work are we implementing?

Sarcastic Beauty

Love is when you realize that she is more beautiful when she is being sarcastic.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Guilty!

• 

A man before a judge, with a scantily clad lady defendant:

“I charge her your honor for inciting to seduction.”

War Goddess

Printed on her shirt:
I am a warrior with your hugs!!

My response:
Come to me and I will turn you into either Enyo or Bellona.

• 

Wherever You Are – One OK Rock

Gonna be Japanese someday!

(Nevermind that the intro is with an icky similarity with Aiza Seguerra’s Pagdating ng Panahon. Once you get through that, all will be good I promise.)

I’m telling you
I softly whisper
Tonight, tonight
You are my angel

愛してるよ
二人は　ひとつに
Tonight, tonight
I just to say

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now
I don’t need a reason
I just want you, baby
Alright, alright
Day after day

この先長いことずっと
どうかこんな僕とずっと
死ぬまで
Stay with me
We carry on

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

Wherever you are, I’ll never make you cry
Wherever you are, I’ll never say goodbye
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

僕らが出会った日は　
二人にとって一番目の記念すべき日だね
そして今日という日は　
二人にとって二番目の記念すべき日だね
心から愛する人
心から愛しい人
この僕の愛の真ん中には
いつも君がいるから

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

Wherever you are
Wherever you are
Wherever you are

K-Poop

• 

Members of a new generation of K-Pop boy band:

Kim Doog Gung
Kim Lang Gung
Kim Sung Go
Nag Dik Ki
Bug Gu Ong
Agu Uy Yong
Kim Mut Koh
Kim Mut Muh
Gat Tak Ki

Not Convinced

• 

If I say I couldn’t agree more, it means I’m not THAT convinced.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Hisashiburi

Will try to write again in Japanese. Still love this. Still a Nihonjin by heart despite being in a different nationality.

Violence for no one in particular

Do exercise caution
When treading on my shadow
Lest it gobbles you up
And leave no trace
Whatsoever
Of your
Miserable
Existence

Never lay a hand
To where I’ve trodden
For they are full of neurotoxins
A quark of which
And you’ll be
Laid waste

And when you whisper
On my back
Never let
Those murmurs
Leave a trail
Let alone
Reach me
And neither
Should your words

They take no responsibility
They’re just passing
Like the wind
And they’re gone
Irreversible
Damage
Done

They will betray you
For they are fleeting
Fleeting
And they’re gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
In an instant
Poof just like that
Yet you will remain
To suffer
The wrath
In my hands

Hagibis

Boys will be boys, men will be men.

What do you expect when we see boobs, butts, legs, and pretty faces?

Hang in there ladies, we’ll go somewhere 😉

Don’t Talk to Me

Too afraid
To be vulnerable
Laughed at
Viewed with flaws
Mocked
Reduced to
Something smaller
Than the grand image
We see in the mirror

Who wouldn’t want
To appear awesome
His shit
All figured out
The ultimate idol
The envy of many

Or either we ask
The world
To mind its own
Fucking business
And for it to never
Give a fuck at all
Except to tread
Ever so softly

The façade
We all maintain
We make so great a fuss
With all our might
Futilely wishing
The respect and awe drugs
To perpetually remain
And keep us high and floating

Or that which
We have worked
For so long
Not letting anyone
Or anything
Not even ourselves
Destroy the
Old and familiar comfort

The scars we hide
Too afraid
That the other being
Before us
Will conjure
The ghost of the past
Out of our scars

Aversion of such
Is human
But to face them
Nonetheless,
Armed with all
The goodness
One’s heart can muster,
Is the virtue
Of the divine
Warrior god
That found
Its home within

The Erectors

Structural Engineers:

Erecting the most enduring rock-hard monuments of all time.

The Man on Fire – A Tribute To The Black Mamba

The round leather
on fire
not put off
by any bounce
on the floor
or its sojourn in
mid-air
or hitting the boards
the rim
and eventually
the ring

One thousand shots missed
meant 10 thousand sinking in

The fire in the leather
borne of a flaming hand
from a heart ablaze
which can only come from
no less than the divine

That fire
might have
succumbed to the sky
but it found its home –

In thousands
Hundreds of thousands
Millions upon millions
Kindled
Ablazed
Always

Rest in peace brother

Halimuyak sa Madaling Araw

Halimuyak
sa kinasasabikang umaga
na tigib ng ligaya
ang bumungad
sa aking diwa

Basa sa hamog
ng madaling araw
mga talulot na nakalukot
naghihintay
sa masidhing dampi
ng haring araw

Ramdam ko ang
init na nagbabaga
na di maikubli
ng mala-nyebeng
ihip ng hangin

Aking hinawakan
ang nagbabagang apoy
mga daliri’y di napaso
ni nasunog ay hindi
Bagkus ay naramdaman
ang mainit na pag-agos

At aking narinig
isang sigaw na
walang tinig
sa kagubatang
makipot, madilim
na aking sinuong
habang nilalagari
ang kableng
sa lahat ng
kamalayan sa mundo
ay nagdurugtong

Ang kalaliman
ay binagtas
upang di malunod
mahigpit ang kapit
ng aking mga kamay
sa matatayog na
kabundukan

At matapos
ang mahabang sandali
muli kong narining
ang sigaw na
walang tinig
habang nasasaksihan
ang pagbulwak
ng kalawakan

A Thousand and One Reasons to Be Thankful For

The Sun woke up
this morning
to see me outta my bed
Took over from the Moon
my sentry
the instance the Darkness
gave way to the Light
I exhaled yesterday
as I breathed in tomorrow
All revved up
my engine
in full chime
Ready to
take possession
of another
historic day

Hell Don’t!

What the medical technologist cannot say while manning the specimens’section during annual physical exams:

Dream Past The Nightmare

We don’t hold tomorrow
Such a pity
We have plans
grand as the heavens
Funny thing is
tomorrow has got
her own plans as well
which usually
screws us like hell
Which is why at times
I don’t make any plans
to save myself
from disdain
of life as I know
But how will I relish the future
if I can’t savor it today
And how will I know if my wishes are granted
if I don’t dream of it
at this very moment?

Change, Whether It Is A Friend or An Enemy, Is Completely Up To Us

ctto

In dealing with changes, we can:

1. protest all we want, violent or otherwise, day-in and day-out, and
2. pound the pearly gates ‘til kingdom come, begging for the inexorable change gods currently knocking at our doors to reconsider and be back on a more convenient time.

Or if we know better, we can stay calm instead of going bananas.

It is completely understandable if we are tempted to think we can argue with it and have our way in the end. But we know all too well that in offering resistance, we are only prolonging the agony, unnecessarily.

It is either we welcome change with flying fists up until the last ounce of our blood and die without seeing the dawn break, or, we can make a good friend out of that motherfucker.

Fortunately, we get to choose our battles. Let us then choose wisely, shall we?

Key Pie

The Ultimate Pie for Men: Key (Lime) Pie

• Healthy
• Nutritious
• Juicy
• Delicious

Remember men:

“Eat Key-Pie!”

Makeup Synonym

• 

Ala man garud, nu pudnu mət lang nga nalaing ka ti Tagalog, ana garud ti Tagalog ti makeup?!

Naglaka, kət “panakip-butas”a!!

When Truth = Jail Time

• 

Do you know why swindlers and dishonest politicians are too afraid to let the people know the truth?

Because they know all too well that the truth will never set them free.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Takki

Lakay: Apay siasinno mət dayta baru nga nubyu dayta anak mo Ribeyng? Kasla nagdulpət kən nagbuyuk mət ti langlanga na?!

Bakət: Anya kan lakay, baam kadin uray ta Amirikanu mət suna. Ti nagan na kanu kət Tim Macky T. Paul-Teet

Lakay: ‘Su mət lang a!!

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Enlightenment is like living an orgasmic state of existence… (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Enlightenment
is
like
living
an
orgasmic
state
of
existence…

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Unraveled

I yanked a string too strong
that made the church bells chime
and the fabric unraveled:

And there she stood
just her and nothing more
nothing between my eyes and
her golden skin and
succulent curves
revealed
in all their glory
set free from whatever
covered her
and thrown
onto my outstretched hands

Gag Show

I prayed for sunshine
The wind brought rain
Like pesky little kids
Sliding from my crown
To my sole and further down
Rinsing with it
My remaining
Patience and optimism
“Wonderful” saith the thunder
As the sun grew dim
And the tree died laughing
Of the gag show before him

She doesn’t like sopas

You don’t like sopas
and I don’t know why
Puzzles the hell out of me
Who doesn’t want a hot pot
of chicken soup
made creamy with evap
made colorful with
cabbage and carrots and
made gut-heavy
with elbow macaroni?

Detest is a word too strong
least priority maybe
but then, I could be wrong

Yet you made
one for me
just the same
saying:

“I still don’t
love sopas.
May never be.
But I’m
trying
to learn
to love
the things
that you love.”

More than the
hot pot of sopas
before me
I thank you
my sweet balm
for all the love
and for keeping
me warm
For a thousandth time
again and again
to the heavens
I implore
good favors
for you
my lovely woman
who cooks sopas
for her man

Screaming Sanctimony

A condescending attitude is often mistaken as piety. Removing that illusion however, will reveal hypocrisy at its finest, the main reason Jesus reproached the Pharisees for being like whitewashed tombs that are beautiful in the outside but filled with dried bones and rotting flesh inside.

Now that paints an ugly picture especially when viewed from the outside. Because in as far as witnessing is concerned, nothing comes off as a surefire “turn off” than a hypocrite pretending to be a saint.

If we as Christians are to convert the gentiles and bring the wayward sheep of Israel back into the fold, we should instead come from a place of love.

How?

Recall the story of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. Jesus did not cite the 10 commandments to condemn them right then and there of their sins, nor did He summon heaven’s fury to devour their wretched sinful souls. He instead showed love and mercy through forgiveness, as His standpoint which eventually led to their conversion.

Out of love came forth mercy and actions within the context of love.

But a condescending attitude is begotten from a sanctimonious “holier than thou” mindset. And that, is the exact opposite of our mission as children of God which we claim to be, which is to spread His message of love to a lost world.