People Change

“People change. You can only hope though that it’s for the better.” – 名前がない男の人

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Small Town Southern Man – by Alan Jackson

Still on country music. Hearing and watching this song/video makes me wish and become a better man than I am today. Just hated how I become an ass and a dick at times.

Such is a power of songs. They can stir hell out of you and gets you to take action.

Nothing but full respect to Alan Jackson for this one.

Not A Manual, Just Writing For The Hell of It

A lot of times, I get pressured to write about technical stuff, things about my profession which is mathematical and computational in nature.

I am compelled to be precise and 100% accurate or else I’ll be like bullshit-ing myself and a few readers. Of course there should be a seamless accuracy to what I write but if perfection is what I’m looking for, I aint finding it.

There lies the problem.

I cant write (not at the moment) something like a technical journal without reading a lot or belonging to a community of structural engineers. I felt like I should be writing a manual when it should be a technical diary where I jot down what I’ve learned. Maybe I can write journals later, that will come. But for now, I will jot down my experiences on how I learned.

Realizing that comforts me to push through writing despite my self doubts. I grew to love writing because it shed most of the pretenses that I’ve had before and allowed me to become the man I am today: bolder, stronger, more understanding, and doesn’t give fuck to things and people that clobbers my being.

Pushing through your limits is painful, but I would gladly take that pain and expand my known comfort zone and push it further away. I cannot write a manual, not with my current circumstances. But I am writing something personalized which is deeply etched in my soul. May not be great to others but that doesn’t matter. I am writing and it’s doing me good.

And that’s the only thing that matters.

Fraulein

The western influence in music especially country music is deeply rooted in our history and our being.

These oldies yet goodies definitely cannot be missed out during a videoke session in the provinces. But for me, what I remember is the farm life that I have grown into wearing a hat and resting under a shady tree.

Times changed.

I am an adult now, preferred rock and roll and heavy metal but I still come back to these. More than the specific song above, a part of me is a cowboy with my guitar/ukulele jamming to country music which inevitably reminds me of my nostalgia.

 

Be Still My Soul

Just when you are thinking that you’re great, what you’ve done is superb and that you finally have the ultimate ticket to fame and smooth-sailing existence, stop. Just fucking stop.

Know what? You’re on a very dangerous position because of your bloated ego. Shut the fuck up. Breath some air and hold still. Conceit is blinding you. Shut the fuck up because you’re shooting yourself on the foot.

Quiet.And.Shut.The.Fuck.Up!

Good neighbor Bad Dog

'Normally I'd be optimistic that we could work out a little problem like this.'
the source is obvious…

Sa kung anong napakamahiwagang dahilan ay nawalan kami ng tubig. Totoo, isang malaking subdibisyon na sinlaki ng isang barangay ay nawalan ng supply ng tubig. Ang sabi ay turbid ang tubig na nanggagaling ng La Mesa (o Angat Dam?) kung kaya kinailangang itigil ang serbisyo. Pero hindi iyon ang mahiwagang parte. Malaking parte ng subdibisyon kung saan kami naroroon ay sa deep well pa at hindi kumukuha ng supply sa La Mesa o sa Angat. O ha! Lupit ng logic di ba?!

Matagal ang pagkawala ng tubig simula hapon, ginabi, inumaga, tinanghali at inabot pa hanggang sa kalagitnaan ng gabi bago nagkatubig. Ayos lang sana kung kuryente ang nawala siguradong mairaraos pa, pero dahil tubig ang nawala ay mistulang post-apocalyptic era ang nangyari: kanya-kanyang salok ng tubig ang buong subdivision, yung ibang bahay na nasa mababang lugar at may tubig ay tinanggal yung metrong nakakabit at nagpa-igib sila ng tatlong piso kada galon.

Panic mode ang lahat.

At sino ba naman ang hindi mababalisa? Walang pasabi, karamihan sa amin ay walang naipon pansaing, pampaligo at pambuhos ng banyo. Kung kayat ang mga kapitbahay ay aligaga at tulirong pabalik-balik para mag-igib sa mga bahay na may kaunti pang lumalabas dala ang lahat ng pwedeng lagyan ng tubig.

Magi-ina ko lang ang naiwan sa bahay. Maliit pa ang mga bata at si misis naman ay di makabuhat ng mabigat dahil sa kanyang CS. At dahil di sya makaigib ay minabuti nalang nyang bumili ng ulam. Habang pauwi na sya ay nadaanan sya ni Ate Jing, isa sa aming mga tulirong kapitbahay na may dalang inigib na tubig. Nang magkatinginan sila ni misis ay sinabihan sya ni Ate Jing na:

“…pumila ka dun sa baba kung gusto mo.”

Pikon na pikon ako habang kinukwento ng asawa ko ang sinabi ng nakakainis kong kapit bahay. Di ko naman inaasahang ipag-iigib nya ang magi-ina ko pero sana ay tumahimik nalang sya. Siguro ay wala naman sa intensyon nya na mabasa namin ang sinabi nya bilang “bahala ka sa buhay mo” pero yun ang nakarating sa amin na ibig nyang sabihin. Maunawain naman akong tao pero sa pagkakataong iyon e masyadong makitid ang utak ko para hanapin ang bright side sa sinabi nya.

Iba naman itong isang kapitbahay namin na si kuya Mon. Dahil alam nyang magi-ina ko lang ang andoon at walang magi-igib ay nagbigay sya ng dalawang timba para may pansaing, am ng aking bunso at panghugas ng plato. God bless this neighbor of ours!

Varied talaga ang mga tao sa mundo at lumalabas ang tunay nilang mga kulay sa panahon ng kagipitan. Maraming mabait lang kapag may napapala sila sa iba. Pero may mga tao pa ring nagi-isip ng kapakanan ng kapwa nila. Ganun talaga siguro, may mga bad dogs at good neighbor.

Control Freaked

Instead of God running the show, why cant we control our lives and all our circumstances instead?

By nature we are control freaks which begets our unnecessary woes of restlessness and anxiety. What we cant control we make a big fuzz out of which. And when we finally realize that we cannot dip our fingers into it, there emanates our frustrations and rage about humanity and everything in existence. And for the first time, we’ll think about a God only because we need to have Someone to point our fingers to.

We have limited control of our circumstances and at times even ourselves. And sometimes for a good reason. Imagine if all of our desires, both good and evil, get consummated.

And come on. Life is as random as fuck that we don’t get the upperhand all the time.

At times we can barely bring our noses to the surface. We can fool ourselves that we got our shits together but the truth is we’re not fully in control of our boat the way we think we do.

But thankfully Someone else does, especially when we are already too weary getting and keeping our guards up.

Listening and/or Doing

Back in the days, I would have preferred just to sit tight and listen to a master of a subject I was interested in be it at work or any other specific skill that I want to get my hands on. The same is true recently but not that often anymore.

I just discovered this lately that I master things when I do them relentlessly, regardless if I am excited, disappointed or indifferent. While I pick up a lot of what I am learning based on others telling the tale, I am only able to put my finger into it when I go do it, fuck up countless of times, innovate, and keep on doing it nonetheless. I get more effective retention when I learn things by experience.

Not that I would junk just sitting and listening over actually doing it. I love both methods because I can learn in them both. You just have to know how to maximize your learning experience.