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Leaves of Autumn


I will whisper it
to the autumn leaves

I will tell them why
the trees slumbered in a lullaby
I will reveal to them
how all tears have gone dry
it was when
you promulgated my verdict:
“good bye”

It was still the sunshine’s reign
as I recall like ‘twas but yesterday
but before I can brace my self
for that mortal dagger
driven to my chest
the chilling sun
and the freezing moon
started to sing a melancholic tune

Nurtured in the soft breeze’s caress
and nourished in dew
brought forth colors
that are changing in hue
for what seemed the start
of a colorful show
marked the end of the summer glow

what else is there to say
but to let the light leave with the day
and this darkness that had befall
be there to stay while bells they toll

I will whisper its dismal moan
to those in twigs still holding on
oblivious to the truth
that it won’t last for long

I will whisper it
to those caught in midair
as they drift farther and farther away
from their beloved they just left bare

I will whisper it
atop the mounded heap
which to earth
did terminally cede

fool’s show it is indeed
for the varied colors that abound
speaks loudly
of the end
without a sound

Featured

The Piercing of Teresa


Duty-bound
I came to execute
The verdict of Teresa
On that appointed eve

Like a soft breeze
Pounding the curtains
I entered unseen
As a pup she laid
Duped that her
Satin and laced sheets
Would get her covered
From the judgement
That would befall her

Then braced myself did I
To enforce her sentence
Cold and swift

Arrow in hand
Steadily aimed
Dug deep in her skin

This I did
Over and over again

Instead of her body
Limped
And eerily silent dead
I heard
Her forceful
Muffled
Shriek

As the steel bored deeper
I heard a
Slapping sound
Squishing
Steady
Periodic

Was I amused
Where the blade had been
Not a trickle of blood
Nothing did I see
But it got more crimson
Like ripe tomatoes
Begging to be picked free

I turned to her face
Contorted it was
Her eyes blocked the faint light
Mouth’s an open vessel
Begging for the rain to trickle
In the dead of the night

Featured

Changing For The Intelligent Lady


I must admit that one of my motivations in my quest to become an analytical writer instead of an emotional one is because of the intelligent lady that I’ve been mentioning here.

This commenced when she stopped reading me altogether. And perhaps one reason is my excessive use of argumentum ad hominem and emotionally-charged tirades in some of my posts. You see, in the realm of the intelligentsia I’ve learned that the use of such kind of arguments lower the quality of the discussion. Emo in itself is an unwanted guest unless it is backed by irrefutable facts. I just felt that she doesn’t want to be entangled with such kinds of hollow discourse and to people and writers who dumb down the discussion. And she may have seen me as someone not at par with her intellectual chakra and preferences.

Will this matter to her? Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter to me? Hell yes. But why?

My awe, respect, and admiration towards her never left me at all. And aside from that (which is again obviously emo in themselves) I also want to up my game a notch. I want to be able to deal with people of such intellectual prowess without wallowing in self pity and complaining about my perceived self inadequacy. I want to be able to speak to them squarely with my head unbowed. I want them to be unable to resist discussing things with me because they also want to hear my opinion. I want to improve and be a part of the class A, the cream of the crop, the elite. And I wont get there if I keep thinking I’m an outsider. To lift yourself, you have to dream of becoming better. You have to BE the one you dream of becoming. Because I am. Thanks to Jolens, that dream busted the idea of a better me out of my head, and made me very uncomfortable enough to get me to take action and grab that dream by the balls.

And if I may, I want to end this with an emo note.

I liked her and I like her still despite that I’ve only known her based on reading her personal accounts. Her magnetic waves are at the perfect frequency when it hit me home, all in the right places. I am no less than attracted to her cosmic magnanimity and enigma. I did and I still do. Although it evolved into something else, I just cant find the succinct words to describe it. And my feelings for her have become one big jumbled mess that is still behind my full comprehension.

Sarah E – Pula ang Talulot ng Rosas


Kabataan Partylist on Twitter: "Rep. Sarah Elago as placards: a thread… "

sinabi kong mahal kita

pero sabi mo mas mahal mo siya

mas maalab
mas masidhi

nais ko mang magdamdam
nang dahil sa iyong tinuran
ngunit batid kong ako ay
hanggang dun na lamang

pagkat banaag sayong mga mata
ang damdaming nagbabaga
makibaka para sa kanya
na pati ang buhay mo
ay walang alinlangang iyong itataya

wala akong magawa
mahal kita
pero mas mahal mo siya
kung kaya‘t ako ay nagparaya
sabay dalangin sa Poon
na gabayan ka sa dako paroon
at kung maaari ika‘y Kanyang ibalik
sa aking mga mahigpit na yakap at halik

at sakali mang ika’y mahapo
sa pagmamahal sa kanya
sa iyong pagmamahal
na di nya matumbasan
hiling ko na ako’y lingunin
pagkat nandito parin ako
na matyagang nagaantay sayo

na tayong muli ay magtatagpo
sa katahimikang
kaytagal mong tinalikuran
at ang naiwang pangarap
na ikaw at ako
nawa ay sabay na nating mabuo

Evening Star


I can’t help but think at times that I am an old soul trapped in a relatively young body.

Because while my genre that describes my overall style as rock and alternative, a part of my music spirit consists of country music. A familiar string is struck in me whenever I hear that western country songs from the likes of Kenny Rogers, Alan Jackson, etc.

I was even thinking, if I can’t be friends with my generation and the younger ones, I am sure as hell that I can be friends with their parents and grandparents!

When Moral Support Backfires


Men Giving Moral Support by gleetorade - Meme Center

In terms of acquiring motivation from all possible sources internal and external, in all your pursuits that you are passionate about, there are two things that you need to remember:

The bad news: You’re on your own.

There may be a lot of support groups, online and in physical groups like your club or your own family. The problem with this is that these shared fiery emotions once left untended will inevitably turn a blazing inferno to a dying ember.

You have to remember that other people have problems of their own to tend to, and that includes your closest friends and your very own family. The last thing that they have to worry about is for your motivation to stay intact. A lot of times you are on your own, even if you are within your support group. Your group can’t and won’t do EVERYTHING for you because there’s none other that will do the dirty work that needs to be done but you.

The good news: You’re on your own.

The bad news above given the right perspective really is good news in disguise. Because you are on your own, there is just you and you are enough. Of course you will be needing to equip yourself with all the tools you need to get better to get wherever you want to go.

The point is, upon realizing this, you already overpowered the thought that you need your own cheering squad for you to persevere especially when the going gets tough.

Without them, you still won’t give up, right? And will you stop doing the things you do just because your cheering squad ceased shouting well wishes for you?

Of course you wont. You are too stubborn, too naïve, and too busy to give a damn about anything that can hinder you from achieving whatever you want to achieve, which includes the finite and scarce resource of “support fuel” which you mistaken for an indispensable lifeline.

“There’s just you.”

If you’ve ever watched the first Kung Fu Panda movie, remember how Tai Lung (Shifu’s protégé) coveted the mythic scroll that will unleash great power to those who take possession of it. And it’s only in the end that it was revealed that there are no secret ingredients whatsoever. The scroll didn’t contain a genie or any lucky charm. It’s in the realization that there’s just you, and no one and nothing else.

This is not to discount the impact of motivation that one receives, in whatever form they may be and in whatever sources they might come from. I myself had been a recipient of receiving hope. Because hope is included in the gift called motivation.

But what can possibly cripple you is when you take that motivation as an “end all and be all” of everything, treating it as oxygen such that the absence of which spells the end of you.

There will come a time that you will need to be your own cheering squad, with no less than yourself leading that crowd.

You are not going to give up. Not even when people abandon you or when they become indifferent. Quitting is never an option because that’s not you, because you are more than that.

There’s only you and your dream. You don’t achieve it because somebody else is cheering for you. You achieve it because step by painful step, you are reaching for it until you finally grab it by the balls.

Similarities of the silent majority and the people who are just “done” in dealing with BS:


Here's all of your stupid bullshit back. I don't want it anymore. |  Drinking Ecard
  • They’ve already seen and weighed both sides.
  • They’ve already made up their minds early on.
  • They’ve already seen all the BS behind the smiling feces, errr faces.
  • They have X-ray eyes that can see through all the BS still going on.
  • They’re both silent and may only smile when asked or talked to. But it doesn’t mean that they’re stupid.
  • Can differentiate between the evil and the evil opportunists.
  • No longer engages in discussions/heated arguments against BS because it’s a complete waste of time.
  • They no longer care about the BS opinion/peddled lies of others.
  • Nothing that anybody else will say can change their mind unless it’s completely logical and consistent.
  • Knows exactly how to deal with BS and peddlers of misinformation.
  • Execute their decisions without second thoughts and in cold precision.
  • They’ve already transcended the opposite of love (which is hate) to apathy to those espousing BS.

火がまだ燃えている


Samurai Stands Forest Dynamic Perspective Inscription Means Japanese Way  Warrior — Stock Photo © WarmTail #252470580

As I am still learning 日本語, I came across an app HelloTalk, where you can meet natives of your target language, 日本語 in my case, and have your grammar corrected in return via a friendly exchange.

There are also Japanese natives in HelloTalk who want to learn English and Filipino. Strange as it may seem, other nationalities are also craving to learn Filipino not only for the sake of wanting to learn Filipino as a language, but also because they wanted to become a Filipino, starting with the language.

The frustration

I’ve gone through great lengths of getting frustrated, motivated, and obsessed while learning, and back again. And I’d give a resounding “YES”, I am STILL that desperate to learn the Japanese language by any means.

In fact, whenever I see a post from a Japanese native, I can’t help but turn green with jealousy wishing I can also write with the same fluency as a native. I know, I am unrealistic sometimes and I can get upset that easy when I feel that I can’t seem to achieve swiftly what I wanted to achieve.

Collaring myself and asking why

But really, I tried to ask myself, despite the frequent frustration when I see how far still am I to my goal, why do I keep going back to wanting to learn?

And why do I even persist given that I cannot even assure myself that I will be able to go to Japan, and much more work or live there? And why am I that stubborn to learn the language even when I am already aware of the many pressing issues that the Japanese people are facing nowadays?

No such thing as a perfect country

My country isn’t perfect and so does Japan. All countries have two extremes, the commendable and the not so cool stuff, both deeply embedded in the culture. But I chose to stick with the duality because, well it’s part of everything. It doesn’t mean condoning the wrong. There’s always room for improvement in everything.

One does not reside in the light alone nor one is completely ignorant of the light. One gets a taste of the other occasionally as the balance tips over either the dichotomy.

Exchange of spirits and minds

I tried to write the first part of that explanation in 日本語 (with all the faulty grammar and wrong choice of words) until I can no longer go any further due to my limited vocabulary so I continued it in English and posted it in HelloTalk.

And then a native replied.

Yep, that’s from a Japanese native!

Just enjoy the learning process

I can’t help but smile at his Tagalog which is a “textbook” type of Tagalog. And maybe it is the same with him, laughing at my unnatural and bookish 日本語 instead of a conversational one. But neither of which mattered. I am learning piece by piece, and the same is true for him and perhaps all the other language learners out there.

What mattered is that we are enjoying the process of getting wrong, getting corrected and improving. And slowly but surely we are getting closer to our previous selves one word and grammar at a time.

またね!

Kindness is a Fucking Choice


The power of kindness | Why being nice benefits us all - Recent news  science and psychology news about happiness - happiness.com

Our actions, including how they affect others, don’t just depend on our overall attitude. It also depends on our circumstances, where we are not always in control.

Unfortunately, what people remember is how we made them feel regardless of any justifiable circumstances most especially if they ended up being hurt. And this is true in spite of our lack of intention to hurt anyone.

Being kind no matter what, except for situations that warrant a just reproach, is a choice we can take. Because one way or another, we had been a witness of how the simplest acts of kindness went beyond our expectations, transcended time and people, turned things upside down, and created unfathomable miracles in people’s lives.

Choose to be kind.

Thanks To Those Who Didn’t Want To Be Associated With Me


Deep gratitude I have
to those who rejected me:
those who didn’t want me
in their group
those who didn’t want me
in their company
those who labelled me weird,
freak, and a dupe.

If not for them,
I would’ve settled indefinitely
Wouldn’t have been lost,
hurt, and known agony
Would’ve remained in shackles,
wouldn’t have been set free
I never would’ve wandered,
I never would’ve found me.

You, A Creation of A Higher Vibration


You
yes you,
a being
vibrating
at a
higher
frequency:
never bow
your head
nor be
ashamed
of what
you
posses.

I know
the pain
it caused
you,
how
it alienated
you from
the
very
crowd
with
vibrations
that
you
wanted
to be
a
part of.
But
instead
of
suffering
with
what
you perceive
as a
disability
and
limitation,
embrace it
and
wave it
like a flag.
Because
it signifies
your
sovereignty
and
your
freedom.

It isn’t
a status
that says
you
are
better
or
inferior
to everyone
else.
It is
far
more
remarkable
than that:

it
signifies
YOU!

Performing for Our Ultimate Audience


We are our very own grand audience.

This is what the universe wanted to tell us early on. But too often, this only becomes clear the moment we are ready to listen.

At first, we have to get preoccupied with our “practice” audiences, the ones we thought were the ultimate ones. Even if we vehemently deny it, we spend 95% of our energies trying to please them all: those who are genuinely interested to see our best selves, the ones who don’t give a damn, and those who grin the moment they see our imminent demise.

The reaction of our audience can get us hurt at times. And oftentimes, we label ourselves a success everytime they give us the impression of them listening. This is how we accord the opinion of our audience with tremendous power by making it a gauge of our success. Recklessly, we build the very foundation of ourselves using our audiences’ reactions. That is how harebrained we can get.

But that’s normal.

That’s a part of being human.

Despite of a lot of folks telling us to always observe and learn from the mistakes of others in order to not repeat them and get hurt, reality is, life is not a lesson in algebra that can be solved with a definite solution. Rather, it is an experiential one. You have to go through the painful process. To inevitably fall but to get back up better than the previous. No buts, no ifs, no shortcuts.

That’s what it takes when performing in front of an audience.

The important thing to realize is, these are but necessary preparations, a dry run, aimed at gathering our nerves, our guts, and the balls required before facing our ultimate audience: which is none other than ourselves.

母語 (Mother Tongue)


For this
unequivocal truth
my faith
doth rest:
my once unintelligible
soul’s commune
with the universe,
in a different language
in my true native tongue
will be
bared
unraveled
made known to me
and then,
I
shall
be
set
free…

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Staying True to their Calling, Wokes and Yellows Remain Consistent with Their Inconsistencies


In engineering, the way to assure that the design or the system works is through consistency. If the desired outcomes are consistently observed, the designer is assured of a peaceful night’s sleep.

At the start of the design process, it is expected that the output will be random and all over the place. That’s normal. Over time however, after a few iterations and calibration, a pattern will emerge. That’s predictability. It is extremely important because it is the only indication that the system or the design is working out fine.

The problem begins when the expected response becomes erratic after calibration. When that happens, it is certain that something is wrong.

The same can be applied to wokes and the Yellowtards. Their consistent inconsistencies that they are exhibiting are indications of hypocrisy, and double/triple even multiple standards.

They specialize in cherry-picking and moulding current issues to fit their narratives while ignoring facts that will tear apart their faulty arguments. You have to admire however, their persistence in making these episodes on social media on a regular basis such that the usual initial reactions of anger and eye-rolls can now be replaced with a grin and/or a chuckle.

One example of their hypocrisies are those who irresponsibly insisted on organizing rallies despite of them being fully aware that rallies are perfect grounds for transmission of the Covid-19 virus. Recently, they joined the popular cry to give the medical frontliners their much needed timeout to recharge.

Risa Hontiveros in a previous interview with Arnold Clavio cried foul over the sexism and “slut-shaming” of her fellow senator Leila Delima during the congress hearings, and yet she wasn’t able to utter anything sensible when asked about her reaction regarding Ronnie Dayan’s legal wife being hurt as the illicit relationship unfolded on national TV.

Defenders of the now defunct ABS-CBN franchise used emotional blackmail against the government particularly the congressmen on the alleged 11,000 workers that will be displaced. And yet these defenders were eerily silent when the network sought every means necessary to delay the just compensation of Weng Hidalgo. Same with the issue of technical personnel who filed labor malpractice against the network and won. Were there any mass gatherings conducted to air their support and to condemn the clear violation of their rights?

Some Catholic priests who allowed themselves to be prostituted by politics even wished for the president to get sick (and only God knows who else are on their wish list).

Those and a lot more, just to name a few.

The problem with being inconsistent, is that it raises red flags with sensible observers. Instead of making their arguments sound to convince the public, they continued to hurl insults to the majority (an overwhelming majority, based on surveys) by tagging them as “bobo”. And as such, they drove the final nails to their political coffins as the silent majority voted them out in the recent elections.

Disillusionment is but one of the many problems with having multiple moralities instead of calling a spade a spade whether it’s in ones’ favor or not. Another is you need to keep track of how you stand on different issues, which has become a constant stumbling block for Leni Robredo. And she drew a lot of flak already from the very people they desperately needed on their side.

That’s where we need to check our own biases and be consistent to call out what’s wrong even if it means confronting the very people who are on the same page as ours. This is especially true for the opposition and their woke supporters if they want to stay relevant and not be perpetually viewed as clowns and nuisance. Because inconsistency is a stink, an indication that something is rotten from within. And it isn’t something that’s going to help the country nor the Liberal Party’s dream of getting back to power.

Until


ctto

I stare intently at my dreams –

Until I end up loathing every bit of my here and now.

Until it hurts.

Until I bleed.

Until my bed is soaked like a wet sponge.

Until the entire floor turns crimson.

Until my slippers are taken by the current and they find their way out of the door.

Until I come back to my senses and realize that something hurts.

Until I realize that that something that hurts, is me thinking of what should be while lying on my bed doing nothing.

Until I realize that nothing will suffice to kindle my inner fire to get it back to life but to get the fuck off my bed and get something done to inch closer to my prize. What is that fucking something, exactly? Anything. Because anything’s better than nothing. It is said that when I start looking for it, it will start looking for me as well. I need to believe in that something.

Until I see that dream with my very own eyes. Tangible, and already in the present instead of being confined only within the bounds of my skull. Until I lay my hands on it. And take possession of which. But until then, I’ll take that first step forward and will keep on moving.

Until it hurts to move. Until I’ve reached my limit for the day. Until every muscle is sore. Until my brain starts to yell ‘enough!’ I’ll keep pushing through until it hurts. Fuck that hurt anyway. It hurts more just staring at my dreams and doing nothing to achieve them. I bet it will hurt less when I am mobile than when I’m static.

Until my dreams become my here and now.

Share


We learn things differently.

Some take it slow, digesting one lesson at a time. Some like a fast-paced tempo, voraciously gobbling things up as much as they can on one sitting.

Some prefer books. Others prefer electronic books, podcasts, videos, and whatnot. Some learn a lot in a group. Some learn a lot more when in solitude. Some find it more practical to learn from others. Some find it more effective to learn via a first hand experience.

We won’t ever find a one-size-fits-all solution. What is effective to others isn’t a guarantee that it will work for us. Because the only instance that you will learn something is when the learning materials, in whatever form they may be, resonate with our very own vibrations.

So don’t worry if you don’t feel the best out there. It isn’t a prerequisite before you find yourself worthy of sharing what you have. What you only have to do is improve the message and the messenger. And share.

Somebody is in desperate need for your message, whether it’s your art, talent, hobbies, or business. Share it. For you will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

And what you have may be somebody else’s lifeline.

Never deny anyone of their only lifeline.

Share.

What is the difference between a black hole and an asshole?


The chances of finding ourselves inside the event horizon of a blackhole is 1 in a billion while the probability of finding ourselves near an asshole is – well, it’s either we are sitting right next to one or we need a mirror to see the one…

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Mathematics of Procrastination


This is true for procrastinators: the amount of their free time is inversely proportional to their potential accomplishments. Expounding that argument, the less free time one has, the more he can accomplish. Conversely, one can accomplish less if he has a lot of free time.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Motel Exam


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A motel owner and his receptionist in an argument:

“What, are you out of your freaking mind?! Why did you let them in when it’s already obvious that they are minors. And they’re even in their uniforms for crying out loud! Do you want to get us into trouble?!!!”

“They said they will be having an exam.”

“Exam? Exactly what type of exam?!”

“Oh, they said oral and fill in the blanks…”

“Annoying Dad” & “Annoying the Kids” Games


In the game of “Annoying Dad”, my firstborn continually upgrades his skills such that he always breaks his previous record. All he has to do in the game is – well, annoy me.

Don’t get me wrong. Children are a bunch of joy. Period. And part of raising them will inevitably involve moments that your only defense in order to maintain your sanity is to laugh at how they can trigger your nerves.

The game is one way obviously. There is only one giver and one very lucky receiver, and that’s me. That is until I finally figured out a way to level the playing ground.

Right after watching the evening news, I chimed in with the intro of a TV program a high pitched “UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!,” while key events from the previous episode are being replayed on the screen.

Embarrassed, he put both his hands on his ears while shouting for me to stop. But the more he demanded for me to stop, the more I chanted the silly “UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!,” until he finally ran away, his hands still on his ears while laughing and cringing, all at the same time.

Ooooh yeah!
Direct hit
Mission accomplished
One point for Dad.

Forsaking Something Worth Forsaking


“If there is any instance where infidelity is to be welcomed and encouraged is when you ditch your sacred matrimonial vows with your old familiar feelings of emptiness, sorrow, unworthiness, despair, anxiety, and depression and to finally possess the courage to walk away in search for something better.”

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

To the fellow lost soul from hither yonder


Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well.

It’s comforting to know that whatever you’re currently doing, you are seeing another reality and perhaps living a similar or a different story altogether. I pray that it is a beautiful story. That flipside of reality in relation to mine must be very beautiful indeed, magical even. Is it really? Yep I do hope it is. Not that everything I have in here sucks but I’ve always pondered on what lies in there on your side, but you know, things here are mundane given this time of a pandemic. So if you are currently in a time of a great lull, well at least it’s kickass compared to dealing with a pandemic threatening to wipe out the population.

How am I doing? Fine I guess. Maybe because I finally found the courage to write you something instead of just floating around your formlessness in the bounds of my mind. I hope you wouldn’t mind but I’d really love to talk about how you are doing right now instead of flooding this precious space dedicated to you, of things about me.

So howdy? Having a nice adventure somewhere? How’s the weather? Happy people you have there? How is the other side of the world? May not be in this world that I’ve grown into but somewhere in the vast expanse of the cosmos.

I don’t think we still need introductions, do we? Finally we get to meet, so yep, here we are finally bridging the gap…

The only reason I know you exist is because of a melancholic piece that I am listening to right now. I am extremely certain that you are not only a figment of my imagination. You are not just conjured out of nowhere. Our past is tied, and maybe as such is our future. I know and believe that you already figured that out yourself a long time ago and that it pestered you in as much as it pestered me just as well. I’m sorry if the thought of me annoyed you for a lot of times. I too, am bugged by the thought that there is someone like you somewhere out there and I just cannot fully comprehend why. But I’m certain that someone is linked to my soul in which even quantum shit and all that cannot explain.

I know you are out there. I just don’t know where. Maybe it will remain as such until, well until who knows when. But if I were to ask God I hope you are currently in this world, at this very instance that I am keying all of this on my keyboard, offering a silent prayer to the vastness. Yes, to pray is all I can do even if it may just be another one of those doomed to get lost into nothingness, but I hope this small prayer of mine will find you and let you know that I am here, and I’m thinking of you. Yes I have you in my mind.

And I hope you are thinking of me too.

Each stroke of the key hits my soul, a different vibration, a slightly different twang that is yet to be discovered and added to the particle zoo. Can you feel it too? Does it send you the same feeling? The feeling of nostalgia, something pleasant but at the same time heart rending. Do you happen to know Stockholm Syndrome where you build some connection with your captors? The captor is this music right here. It is hurting me and yet I keep coming back to it to feel the hurt, because it’s only then that I can keep coming back to you to feel you.

I’m curious as to how you look. Flowing hair? Short hair? Fair complexion or colored? Bouncy or flat busts? It doesn’t really matter because I’ve already touched your soul as you already did to mine. I just hope I’d have a tangible face to remember, a face I can hold, a body I can share my warmth with, lips that I can press my lips with, a parcel of my soul so dear and so loved that I cannot really fathom how God blessed me with everything.

What’s giving me assurance is the thought that you are also thinking of me. Like myself, I know you can barely picture my face as I can hardly do to you. But I rest in the faith that we both are unconsciously longing to know each other. That time will come I know. And I know that you feel it too.

But even if I am longing so much to see you right now, I regret to say that I cannot take your hand right away and take you in haste to the stars. You see, I’ve already made my choices, and I am never gonna regret nor forsake them. But when my life is over and after serving my time, we’ll have our chance. I hope by that time, through God’s great mercy it will be our chance to be exclusive to one another.

But for now, even a glimpse of you will give me enough hope and faith to look forward to the next lifetime hoping that I’d finally get to meet you there.

Wherever you are right now, at the seashore, atop a skyscraper, overlooking valleys and mountains or great plains, please be strong. For yourself and for both of us. I know that someday, God would allow me to meet you finally. Maybe not in this world and neither the next. But I know there will come a time where we can fill each other with our essence and love. I cannot do so much but to write this to you while waiting for that blessed day that I will finally lay my eyes on you and we can hold each other. Two lost souls in the cosmos. Separated by distance or even time but connected with love and this melancholic melody.

It’s crazy but I hope I can catch some glimpses of you either in person, photos, or even in written pieces, because I know we would know each other by that.

Till then. Wishing I’d look into those eyes of yours one day and see all that love that had been waiting to bind us forever…

Something you need to know about your dad, or dads in particular


Nothing gets a man quicker to his knees other than the thought of his wife and children.

It’s not the imminent crisis ahead, and definitely not the adversity that looms before him. He can welcome them with open arms and a smirk on his face.

But when he realizes how helpless he really is when it comes to the assurance of providing and protecting his family, at present and in the future, is an entirely different story. Man is limited, and he knows it but is sometimes adamant to admit it.

In as much as he would like to cover everything for his loved ones, he realizes that he cannot. Yet he does it, nevermind that he misses by a mile for the sake of his family.

But he can do one more thing, the best thing that he can and the best thing he will ever do: pray.

There is boundless power unlocked by a mother’s prayer but a father’s supplications are no less potent. And he knows that.

Recognizing this, he will bend his knees and will implore to the Ultimate Infinity which is God Himself to fill the huge gap that he himself cannot fill.

Behind his brute strength and full masculine bravado is his need to commune and replenish himself from a greater power. God is his rock of comfort. And there he finds solace.

I Don’t Play Basketball, So What?!


ctto

With a height of 5’8″ they said I should have been a basketball player.

Should’ve.

I’ve already had enough hearing what a waste am I for having such untapped gift of height which is the envy of many. However, what’s more vexing are the words that are left unsaid: how lame am I for not playing basketball; that I am doomed not to have the prettiest cheerleaders for a girlfriend; Class B; the Beta male.

Succumbing to this standard definition imposed by society, I pushed myself to play basketball despite my awkward moves and maneuvers lacking skill and authority. I already knew back then that I didn’t have the natural gift that only needs enhancement unlike Lebron of today, or Iverson back then. But I enjoyed watching PBA, so I was thinking maybe, that was enough to begin with.

I persevered despite the frequent humiliation and taunting hoping I would amount to something.

One day, I played basketball with some peers. God knows I poured my juvenile heart and muscles into it. I thought it all went well, just another forgettable play until the following morning when my cousin told me that someone remarked that I looked pretty much like a cane toad when I jump during rebound or while shooting.

That’s it, I told myself with the finality of a death sentence. I’m done. I’m outta here.

To hell with the ball.

From then on I’d totally murder even the slightest thought of playing basketball.

Fast forward to more than a decade. I was already an engineer working at a construction site. I related this story to a friend the safety officer, a middle aged man who happens to have an Ilocano father. He has the skill in listening and full of wisdom. What he said next left me dumbfounded:

…you should have not listened to it. If you really wanted to play basketball then, imagine where you would have been right now if you just kept playing.”

How true.

I may not have qualified to play at a prestigious university or any professional basketball associations, but who would have known? Had I learned to shut people’s negative opinions towards me and persevered ’til I got better, maybe I would still be playing?

I have nothing against basketball, not even to those who found comic relief in my “freak show” version of playing ball. I still don’t play but I still do love watching NBA especially the finals where the action and drama blends into an intoxicating concoction.

This particular door to greatness may not have opened for me but the lessons I learned from such experiences are priceless:

  • It was a test on how much I wanted something and how much I was willing to sacrifice to attain my dreams. Basketball may not be for me but there are other stuff I achieved where my sacrifices were worth it.
  • Don’t give your switches to anyone. This was my big mistake. Despite the white noise and how much you suck as they think you do, don’t let it affect you. It’s you who will live your life and not them. You will never obtain everyone’s affirmation anyway, so might as well do what you think is good for you.
  • And lastly, it pays to be kind to everyone. You will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

Office Bullies


My officemates are hardcore bullies,
They litter inside my workstation,
They loiter inside my workstation,
Deliberately make all sorts of noises,
Have no qualms in disturbing me whilst I’m in deep thought,
Interruptions spark at their whims,
They climb my chair,
Take my pens and notebooks like they own it,
Drink my coffee(!)
Wrestle for mouse control,
Ruin my documents by “ambushing” my keyboard while I’m typing,
Press the power buttons of the AVR and CPU while I’m working,
Piss behind my chair –

It’s really tough being bullied while working from home.

The Curse of the Face Mask Law


ctto

This Covid-19 stole
great times ahead
with family
and friends
But it doesn’t really
bother me all that much:
social distancing
avoiding the crowd
things as such.
Been the recluse for
yep, not that long –
only a lifetime
and still going strong.
If at all
this is but
an expansion of
us loners’ Eden

But what I can’t
settle myself with
is the thought of
your comeliness
once overflowing
now mandated to be
partly hidden.

Oh how atrocious
my erring might have been
that my soul warrants
such scourge and torment?!

How am I gonna see
your hair caressing your cheeks
or the smile
that escapes your lips
as the wind embraces you
and carries your sweet scent
on mountain highs
and valley lows
into and beyond the event horizon
and throughout the cosmos

Twas sweet a past
where I have but memories
of your lovely face
in all its immaculate radiance
and that sweet smile,
that despite of
this world right now
painfully going
through a tight rope,
puts in my heart
an ample amount of hope

The legislation
that I loathe and abhor
may still be a friend
though in a way –
if only to hide
the bitterness in my smile.

And this I earnestly pray
that it will come that blessed day
where you can take
your mask away
and so does mine
and our lips would meet
in due time

Clobbered-19


Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

Humanity must have been doomed
its fate sealed:
you fuck nature,
it fucks you back.
Harder.

Gasp after gasp,
the succeeding more painful
than the ones before,
for life left in the air
if anything’s left there at all
or anywhere.

You may still be alive, yes.
Barely though.
“Never mind” you say.
“There is still a chance.
A small glimmer of hope
and mountains of ashes
to build the new upon.
And being half dead a man
is better than
a dog altogether
dead and damned.”
Or is it?

Practice What You Preach


A lady saw a pastor whose right butt cheek is showing from his worn out jeans. When the pastor saw the disgusted reaction of the lady, he immediately turned his back. Completely appalled, the lady left. The pastor’s companion who is with him, saw it all, turned and asked his friend:

“Hey what’s the big idea?”

“Oh this (points to his exposed butt cheek)? Practicing what I preach.”

“Practicing what?!”

“What I preach. Which is why I willingly turned the other cheek.”

(ctto for the image above)

What If I Meet the Anti-Me?


What if I meet the anti me?
The once I thought
obliterated during Big Bang
long lost then found
the volatile concoction
the catalyst
the critical mass
the same badass
face-to-face?

They said he’s me
and I am he
It’s just that we have
opposite charges
What does that even mean?
Is this the Yin and Yang
of Oriental origins?

And from where is he exactly?
How can he
just pop out of nowhere
from nothing?

By who’s authority
is he summoned
into existence?
And in the same way
be gone in an instant
in a fraction of a second?
Can he just leave
and come back no more?
Is he even aware
that when we meet
the borrowed energy
by which we both exist
will return to the Source
and cause us
to cease just being?

Is he my evil twin?
Or am I the evil twin?
Would he embody
the things I envy?
Will he complement
my imperfections?
Will he turn green
drooling
of what I already achieved?
Or will I be the one
to flood the Himalayas
and turn the desert green?

Shall I punch him
to break his nose?
or will the anti-me
give me a hug
and a pat in the back?
And end up
releasing energy
and obliterating ourselves
in the process?
Or will it spark
a new cosmos
same as what
we know today?
Or maybe it already did?

The Goddess of Tactical Interrogation and Cross-Examinations


Daddy and son, both cops, talking to each other:

Son: Dad, can you shed me some light on tactical interrogation and cross-examination?

Daddy: (without even looking up from the broadsheet he’s reading) You’re barking at the wrong tree son. There’s someone more skillful at that, better than anyone who wears the badge. Go and ask your mother…

“In God’s name, I command the fires of hell for your soul’s eternal damnation!”


Condemning, in accordance to one’s own biases in the guise of “doing God’s work” is never, not even close to God’s way.

Recall the story of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. Did Jesus slap their faces with the tablets of the ten commandments and ordered the Heavenly Fire to consume their wretched souls because of their sins?

No he didn’t.

Instead, He showed them love and forgiveness which led to their repentance and conversion, finally forsaking their old sinful ways.

Love, genuine love, is what will win souls and not the fear of the fiery lake of brimstone and sulfur. If we ain’t doing that, we should ask ourselves: really, who’s work are we implementing?

Wherever You Are – One OK Rock


Gonna be Japanese someday!

(Nevermind that the intro is with an icky similarity with Aiza Seguerra’s Pagdating ng Panahon. Once you get through that, all will be good I promise.)

I’m telling you
I softly whisper
Tonight, tonight
You are my angel

愛してるよ
二人は ひとつに
Tonight, tonight
I just to say

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now
I don’t need a reason
I just want you, baby
Alright, alright
Day after day

この先長いことずっと
どうかこんな僕とずっと
死ぬまで
Stay with me
We carry on

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

Wherever you are, I’ll never make you cry
Wherever you are, I’ll never say goodbye
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

僕らが出会った日は 
二人にとって一番目の記念すべき日だね
そして今日という日は 
二人にとって二番目の記念すべき日だね
心から愛する人
心から愛しい人
この僕の愛の真ん中には
いつも君がいるから

Wherever you are, I’ll always make you smile
Wherever you are, I’m always by your side
Whatever you say, 君を想う気持ち
I promise you “forever” right now

Wherever you are
Wherever you are
Wherever you are

Violence for no one in particular


Do exercise caution
When treading on my shadow
Lest it gobbles you up
And leave no trace
Whatsoever
Of your
Miserable
Existence

Never lay a hand
To where I’ve trodden
For they are full of neurotoxins
A quark of which
And you’ll be
Laid waste

And when you whisper
On my back
Never let
Those murmurs
Leave a trail
Let alone
Reach me
And neither
Should your words

They take no responsibility
They’re just passing
Like the wind
And they’re gone
Irreversible
Damage
Done

They will betray you
For they are fleeting
Fleeting
And they’re gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
In an instant
Poof just like that
Yet you will remain
To suffer
The wrath
In my hands

Don’t Talk to Me


Too afraid
To be vulnerable
Laughed at
Viewed with flaws
Mocked
Reduced to
Something smaller
Than the grand image
We see in the mirror

Who wouldn’t want
To appear awesome
His shit
All figured out
The ultimate idol
The envy of many

Or either we ask
The world
To mind its own
Fucking business
And for it to never
Give a fuck at all
Except to tread
Ever so softly

The façade
We all maintain
We make so great a fuss
With all our might
Futilely wishing
The respect and awe drugs
To perpetually remain
And keep us high and floating

Or that which
We have worked
For so long
Not letting anyone
Or anything
Not even ourselves
Destroy the
Old and familiar comfort

The scars we hide
Too afraid
That the other being
Before us
Will conjure
The ghost of the past
Out of our scars

Aversion of such
Is human
But to face them
Nonetheless,
Armed with all
The goodness
One’s heart can muster,
Is the virtue
Of the divine
Warrior god
That found
Its home within

The Man on Fire – A Tribute To The Black Mamba


The round leather
on fire
not put off
by any bounce
on the floor
or its sojourn in
mid-air
or hitting the boards
the rim
and eventually
the ring

One thousand shots missed
meant 10 thousand sinking in

The fire in the leather
borne of a flaming hand
from a heart ablaze
which can only come from
no less than the divine

That fire
might have
succumbed to the sky
but it found its home –

In thousands
Hundreds of thousands
Millions upon millions
Kindled
Ablazed
Always

Rest in peace brother

Halimuyak sa Madaling Araw


Halimuyak
sa kinasasabikang umaga
na tigib ng ligaya
ang bumungad
sa aking diwa

Basa sa hamog
ng madaling araw
mga talulot na nakalukot
naghihintay
sa masidhing dampi
ng haring araw

Ramdam ko ang
init na nagbabaga
na di maikubli
ng mala-nyebeng
ihip ng hangin

Aking hinawakan
ang nagbabagang apoy
mga daliri’y di napaso
ni nasunog ay hindi
Bagkus ay naramdaman
ang mainit na pag-agos

At aking narinig
isang sigaw na
walang tinig
sa kagubatang
makipot, madilim
na aking sinuong
habang nilalagari
ang kableng
sa lahat ng
kamalayan sa mundo
ay nagdurugtong

Ang kalaliman
ay binagtas
upang di malunod
mahigpit ang kapit
ng aking mga kamay
sa matatayog na
kabundukan

At matapos
ang mahabang sandali
muli kong narining
ang sigaw na
walang tinig
habang nasasaksihan
ang pagbulwak
ng kalawakan

A Thousand and One Reasons to Be Thankful For


The Sun woke up
this morning
to see me outta my bed
Took over from the Moon
my sentry
the instance the Darkness
gave way to the Light
I exhaled yesterday
as I breathed in tomorrow
All revved up
my engine
in full chime
Ready to
take possession
of another
historic day

Dream Past The Nightmare


We don’t hold tomorrow
Such a pity
We have plans
grand as the heavens
Funny thing is
tomorrow has got
her own plans as well
which usually
screws us like hell
Which is why at times
I don’t make any plans
to save myself
from disdain
of life as I know
But how will I relish the future
if I can’t savor it today
And how will I know if my wishes are granted
if I don’t dream of it
at this very moment?

Change, Whether It Is A Friend or An Enemy, Is Completely Up To Us


ctto

In dealing with changes, we can:

  1. protest all we want, violent or otherwise, day-in and day-out, and
  2. pound the pearly gates ‘til kingdom come, begging for the inexorable change gods currently knocking at our doors to reconsider and be back on a more convenient time.

Or if we know better, we can stay calm instead of going bananas.

It is completely understandable if we are tempted to think we can argue with it and have our way in the end. But we know all too well that in offering resistance, we are only prolonging the agony, unnecessarily.

It is either we welcome change with flying fists up until the last ounce of our blood and die without seeing the dawn break, or, we can make a good friend out of that motherfucker.

Fortunately, we get to choose our battles. Let us then choose wisely, shall we?

Takki


Lakay: Apay siasinno mət dayta baru nga nubyu dayta anak mo Ribeyng? Kasla nagdulpət kən nagbuyuk mət ti langlanga na?!

Bakət: Anya kan lakay, baam kadin uray ta Amirikanu mət suna. Ti nagan na kanu kət Tim Macky T. Paul-Teet

Lakay: ‘Su mət lang a!!

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Unraveled


I yanked a string too strong
that made the church bells chime
and the fabric unraveled:

And there she stood
just her and nothing more
nothing between my eyes and
her golden skin and
succulent curves
revealed
in all their glory
set free from whatever
covered her
and thrown
onto my outstretched hands

She doesn’t like sopas


You don’t like sopas
and I don’t know why
Puzzles the hell out of me
Who doesn’t want a hot pot
of chicken soup
made creamy with evap
made colorful with
cabbage and carrots and
made gut-heavy
with elbow macaroni?

Detest is a word too strong
least priority maybe
but then, I could be wrong

Yet you made
one for me
just the same
saying:

“I still don’t
love sopas.
May never be.
But I’m
trying
to learn
to love
the things
that you love.”

More than the
hot pot of sopas
before me
I thank you
my sweet balm
for all the love
and for keeping
me warm
For a thousandth time
again and again
to the heavens
I implore
good favors
for you
my lovely woman
who cooks sopas
for her man

Screaming Sanctimony


A condescending attitude is often mistaken as piety. Removing that illusion however, will reveal hypocrisy at its finest, the main reason Jesus reproached the Pharisees for being like whitewashed tombs that are beautiful in the outside but filled with dried bones and rotting flesh inside.

Now that paints an ugly picture especially when viewed from the outside. Because in as far as witnessing is concerned, nothing comes off as a surefire “turn off” than a hypocrite pretending to be a saint.

If we as Christians are to convert the gentiles and bring the wayward sheep of Israel back into the fold, we should instead come from a place of love.

How?

Recall the story of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. Jesus did not cite the 10 commandments to condemn them right then and there of their sins, nor did He summon heaven’s fury to devour their wretched sinful souls. He instead showed love and mercy through forgiveness, as His standpoint which eventually led to their conversion.

Out of love came forth mercy and actions within the context of love.

But a condescending attitude is begotten from a sanctimonious “holier than thou” mindset. And that, is the exact opposite of our mission as children of God which we claim to be, which is to spread His message of love to a lost world.

Whores are Words, and Words are Whores


Some words
I used sparingly
others
I abused
totally
But alas
despite of which
complete strangers
their conclusion
have all become

I clothed them
in regal poetry
gave them purpose
through grand prose
which countless I’ve told

I, the maker
accorded them
their place in the cosmos
in the known universe and beyond
ergo, I own them
and they are mine alone

But what a joke
the muse played on me
for the wholeness
I granted them
defined them not
Instead,
I got mocked.
For the pieces
defined the whole
which the whole
on them do not

As I established my kingdom
with them and their duty
to kiss my feet ever after
The whores were gone
prostituted themselves
in another’s hands

Conversation vs Fishing, There’s a HUGE Difference


When initiating conversation with a friend, avoid dodging reciprocated questions such as ‘how are you’ and ‘what’s keeping you busy’. It is both impolite and downright annoying.

Remember, it’s a conversation you’re trying to have, not a tactical interrogation.

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Reverend Joke


One day came good ole Reverend Father Joke
Grinned as he saw past some bloke
“Say son, I pray, give me some of that toke
For you see, my boy, I’m a bit broke.”

“Heaven have mercy for I almost choked!
Pardon Reverend, is this some kind of joke?”
“That’s my name alright” said ole Reverend Joke
With eyes closed sniffing the smoke.

Let me be the wind


Let me be the wind
that will whisper in your ear
“relax, it’s me my dear”

Let me be the wind
that will pass by your cheeks
to give them a sweet light kiss

Let me be the wind
that will meet head-on your lips
as in love my fingers dip

Let me be the wind
that will sway your hair
and expose your shoulders bare

Let me be the wind
That will caress your thighs
And carry your scent
In the valleys and heights

Dealing with The Embodiments of Pure Evil in the Workplace


I must thank God
and probably
so should you –

that instead of diabolical plots
and rhapsodic images
of your sweet affliction,
He manifested Himself
through reason
before anything
I envisioned
would irreversibly
come to fruition

I must thank God
and probably
so should you –

that instead of regrets
and abysmal sorrow
or that fiendish grin
and gratified puffs
at the sight of
a gasping prey
and the smell of blood,
I uttered a silent
wailing plea
Supplicated for restraint
within my inner sanctuaries
And stabbed my journal
‘til its blood filled the oceans
as it is tossed to and fro
by tempests and billows

The Curse of Blessings


The Curse of Blessings

What good is my art
if instead of
empathy
sympathy
care and
concern,
condescendence
vainglory and
mockery
come forth of which?

Is my quest
to be
stronger
wiser
intellectually extravagant
justified
if my eyes
forsook looking up
and espoused the
delectability of looking down?

Is the by-product of
enlightenment
the disdain for
both ignorance
and the ignorant?

Shouldn’t it instead
beget forgiveness
and understanding
despite that
some people
are unforgiving
of your luminance
that improved
their blur
into shadows?

– (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant