Vacation Leaves

Before my previous department went downhill, I didn’t file a lot of vacation leaves. It’s not because i don’t have the benefits of which but rather, I didn’t feel the need to. Except of course for several important family matters. But to keep myself sane from tons and tons of work, I felt I can manage without resorting to paid leaves.

More often than not, I didn’t want to take a day off because I don’t want to miss a day in my job because I loved what I was doing despite the stress (which is I would say is but a normal and healthy dose of stress because I don’t have to worry about not having the backing of the whole team, including my expat boss.) I want to always be a part of the team effort that we put into projects to make them something we’re going to be proud of. Looking forward with nostalgia to the days that we will use the word ‘we’ with surging pride.

But now that I got transferred to a new department, it’s a completely different story.

I started treasuring days that I’m not at work. I started looking forward to them that I now bothered looking at the calendar and schedule leaves a day before or after legal holidays.

What I thought before as idle hours that would bore the hell out of me, became a balm, a much needed respite to keep my sanity intact. They kept me recharged enough for me to keep looking forward to another working day with the ball and chain, with the people that drain every ounce of enthusiasm I have whenever I’m with them, bosses and teammates alike.

A long holiday is coming and I already filed a vacation leave a day before. And to be frank, I’m earnestly looking forward again to the next one.

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Pray More When You’re “Happy” Than When You’re In Adversary

When going through rough times, we often ask God to stay by our sides while we feel our way in the dark, and oftentimes asking Him to lead the way. During these times that the red light is blaring, our senses are in full alert scrutinizing the slightest stimuli that pops our way, carefully stereotyping them as either friend or foe.

The same with an essential facility on red alert status because of an impending terrorist attack. The said vital installation will have a better chance of mitigating damages if not totally thwarting them.

But when you feel that all things are rainbows and sunshine, you have the illusion that all will be well all throughout, that you can’t go wrong, and that your chances of stumbling is likened to the chances of a cobbler decoding how light particle transitions to wave and vice versa. Especially when we’re blinded by pride the way that a coin blocks our entire view of the star-studded night sky.

It’s in these instances that we should heed cautiously, occasionally stopping dead in our tracks to consider things carefully. It’s in these circumstances that we should fervently pray for God’s guidance. For enlightenment.

And to pray for deliverance – from ourselves. From our shortsightedness.

Boss vs Leader Conundrum, Finding the Right Fit For An Employee & My Frustrations In The Office Which is Why I Shared It Here

I can’t think of a better title so let’s live with it, shall we?

After all the message is the main event. The words are so poignant that it encapsulated something I’ve been drooling at for a long time after I got transferred to another team. This is because I got to experience working with “leaders” these past 6 years.

But now things became a nightmare. I’d say the cringing dwindled over time but the damage is done and I have a hard time just brushing it off like nothing happened.

Oh well, I think I’d just wait and hope for the sunrise. For now, a little light is enough.

This one, I cropped from my LinkedIn account. I hope we can all learn from this.

boss vs leader

My Reality Here And Now

This, now officially marks the end of making excuses, of being distracted by the “pompous” and “sadistic” behavior of both colleagues and bosses that results in my impediment to do my best.

This, now marks the recognition on the competition of domination between your current and improved self, and that this competition does not involve anyone or anything outside of yourself.

This, now marks God’s response to the thought that once perplexed me and left me longing to go back to my previous team. Right here is God’s definite answer: bloom where you’re planted because there is no way you can turn back now.

It’s time to give other people a chance, the way God gave me a second, third, and fourth life, day in and day out. The same way that other people gave me a chance to change and be better.

 

Today I heard the message loud and clear:

These are my current circumstances and my reality;

I don’t need to have another reality before I can live fully, I just need to be creative to make the most out of which;

These changes at work are not the consequences of what I did wrong in the past;

These changes are blessings because it means I now have time to upgrade and be better. Make no mistake about it;

This is my bread and butter that I must protect because this is not something easily replaceable given my current circumstances. I am responsible enough to include my family in my decisions regarding work;

This is another level I need to transcend to grow up and be better equipped as a professional.

 

Your action plan now becomes –

Own your actions.

Own your circumstances.

Own your mistakes.

Own your right to get back up to do it again, but this time correctly and better than anyone expected.

Own yourself for who you are and the value that you can contribute the team.

Where you are is your home. Wherever that is, leave an indelible proof of your exemplary performance.

IT Girl

computer girl.jpg
socialgirlworld.com

An enigma I’d wish to decode

Your algorithm intricate as your soul

Sends me rummaging for meaning in the depth of the oceans

That look in your eyes of convoluted circuitry

An exotic intelligence yet untapped and unfathomed

A digital fortress I set to decipher

If it takes ages I will never bother

And the fabric that keeps you in bondage

Hades I’d damn to unravel

Strip Tease

kris tiffany janson

Like a rabid dog I can’t help drooling at a local commercial of Myra 300E specifically the scene where the shoulder bag of the model slid down her shoulders and her lady companion remarked:

Ang kinis” (so smooth)

And to which the model replied

Braso pa lang yan…” (that’s just my arms)

FOR THE LIFE OF ME CAN YOU PLEASE FINISH YOUR SENTENCE???!!!

Braso pa lang yan. Pano nalang yung ano ko…” (That’s just my arms. Wait ‘til you see my…)

venom

 

(Credit goes to whoever owns these photos especially the first one!)

Ang init!!!

arid
photo from andrewforbes.com

Shit sobrang init!!!

Borrowing Kamikazee’s line, that’s what I was screaming off while in a queue in Cubao. ‘Twas an arid eve as I took off my long sleeve and used it to swat myself. Summer has begun and likewise with my efforts to write poetry. I hope both will do me justice.

 

Ang Init!!!

 

Heaven’s flood gates opened

My entire temple drenched in the ocean

Elsewhere furiously welled to the surface

Its turbulence engulfed me in an instant

The island I thought I can be

Became Atlantis succumbed to the sea

It’s Time to Quit(?)

quitting

It’s a dilemma alright for me and a lot of people. It’s not something you just sleep overnight with and figured out right in the morrow. I don’t want to come to the point of sacrificing my health for a bunch of work items that instead of getting cut, keeps on piling up.

I might have quit a long time before but I didn’t for various reasons. And to survive, what I do is detach myself from myself and be on autopilot so that I can momentarily get away from the situation and assess the tumult that I am in.

And I don’t normally share fellow writer’s post but this is too real, too on point not to share.

Memorable take away’s from the article:

1. it’s one thing to create, it’s one thing to keep on doing it

2. some things have to end, even the ones giving you 6 figures yearly (for the author’s experience that is

3. putting an end to something you’ve been doing for a while will liberate you

So here it is. He’s post cannot be shared but do be patient enough to click and read if it hits you all in the right places:

When You Know It’s Time to Quit Something (And Why I Decided to Kill My Conference) by Jeff Goins

Detached

(Again trying to deny my being pissed off at work by drowning it with poetry instead. Try as I did, the negativity might have leaked nonetheless.

I just happened to come across the word depersonalization. Damn, how on earth have I not known this word for more than 3 eons!)

depersonalization
from Pinterest.com

Parched lips wetted by scotch
Begets life onto my crotch
So full yet there’s not much
Her naked body out of my touch
My curse I tightly clutch
On her itch that I may scratch
A reality I can’t up a notch
My eve’s providence consumed at lunch.

Annihilated

Believe it or not I’m still here in the office, struggling to stay awake for the bunch of calculations and drawings that we have to do for some people down there.

It had been a grueling week, but grueling is an understatement. Try total annihilation.

It’s one thing getting stressed with what you do. But when rest is denied of you because of stuff you need to do, you will begin to wonder why on earth are you in the hell that you are now.

That’s me asking.

I even asked God whether he wants me to unlearn everything in my previous work experience and become an apprentice once more. What a humiliating experience indeed. I thought I already understood a lot of things but when I got here it’s like everyone’s telling me I don’t know shit.

Being shaken to my core, I am now starting to question if this is still worth it. I don’t mean to give up that easy although it is now starting to look enticing to me.

Is it? Hell I don’t know. For my kids yes, it does. For my health hell no.

Lord open my eyes that I might see.